Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Elderly Parent and Sibling Struggles

bobbybo
bobbybo

I didn't come here to dump but It seems that my younger sister is taking advantage of the family situation for her gain and comfort while older sister does the nice things and I am stuck like the maintenance man to the house for my parents and younger sister. A house which they neglect and I have to keep fixing things and doing the dirty work while one cruises, the other sucks up attention and praise and I am stuck. And on holidays it gets worse cause I get more responsability dumped on me when it comes down to the gathering time, as well as any work that has to be done that they cop out of like an agreement to take  my brother back home to his house if I picked him up. Which my younger sister copped out of claiming she felt sick while by that time I've got a migranne and I end up having to drive him  back home to his house and then when I get back to the house my younger sister is laughing and carrying on like she's just fine. It may seem like a little quirk in the fanily gathering but I just spent the last week fixing the heat while my younger sister who lives in the same house didnt do anything, I had to Christmas shop at the last minute, then Christmas morning I found that the hot water heater is about to go....my younger sis wont help  pay a cent for it and I'll be stuck instaliing it for however long it takes in the dirty basement in order to save my folks some money...while Sis just cruises going to work, working OT all the time and going out and spendiing money on everyone else but the family in the house where she lives...  I feel like going on strike but my parents and I would freeze. And I can not afford to move. She even drags her feet to pay her share of the cable and internet bill that is in my name. But everything is just fine with her and it has to stay that way or she'll turn into a wicked complaining everybody better watch out for the way I feel witch to have to live around.

arfie
arfie
Hello Bobbybo. Welcome back. It's okay to just come here to dump. I call that venting and it helps me considerable in sorting through the puzzle pieces of life that just don't seem to want to fit in with a bigger picture I want to be part of. If I keep sorting for long enough, with the support of my therapy network, I very often find ways to turn the pieces so that they fit more comfortably.

Keep dumping and sorting, Bobbybo. Your answers are in there.

Welcome back.
calirn13
calirn13
Get rid of cable, change the internet password. Don’t help them. Save every penny and move.
rmb
rmb
Take control of what you have control over which is yourself. Set some boundaries and tell them what you are willing and not willing to do or pay for. Have that conversation with your parents. It’s their home I assume so it sounds like the discussion needs to start the with them first.

And yeah, if those services are in your name cancel them or change how they are set up so you only have access to them.
urbangardener
urbangardener
The hardest thing I have had to learn is that old saying, "we teach people how to treat us." The other aspect to this was learning boundaries. On one hand, by fixing everything, you may feel important and are doing something good. Plus it benefits you by keeping you busy and having hot water for your showers. We all have to decide at what point is it "no more." At what point its bad enough to push us off our duffs and into positive action. Why can't we say no is another thing to consider. Sometimes it just is what it is and venting is okay.
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