Reek, you husband sounds like a man with a weak personality. Some men are threatened by strong women and other men really like that quality about us.

I'd start by simply letting him know you are willing to work on the power dynamic in the relationship.

I had to fine tune that with my husband when we first got together. We're kind of traditional, so he takes care of the bills, vehicles, trash, landscaping and that kind of thing. I take care of our home, most meals and am responsible for hiring a domestic if I think I need one. We each do our own laundry.

I try not to get involved in the things we decided that he'd take care of. For example I do not like the landscapers he chose but I zip my lips, cause I don't really care much about the lawn and he can do as he likes there. He's normally pretty good about choosing vehicles that easy for me to drive and I make his favorite foods off and on.

We both just throw all our earnings into the same bank account and make joint decisions on major purchases like appliances and big screen televisions.

If you don't let him have some things that he can just take charge of and do as he likes, he's probably not going to feel manly. I don't know if this is helpful information but I thought that I would peck out a response for you. Hope you can work out the power dynamic. I think that if you do, the intimacy and other things will fall back into place.

Hi Gutted thank you for your response. I do believe that he is threatened by me being strong. I have let him take care of the bills for the home and lawn etc. But I think that he is not happy with how his life has turned out and because he is not happy that he uses me being strong as an excuse. I believe that I have changed to make this relationship better and I feel that he is not being receptive of that because he has checked out on every level. He has mentioned divorce but refuse to go through with it.

You may want to join the group on here survivors of sociopaths and see if it lives with what you are going through. He is probably cheating also, even if it's just emotionally/online.

what exactly does he mean when he says “ you are too strong and independent “? What is upsetting him?

Maybe this is just my experience, but the latest trend I ve observed is that in our quest for equality, we women as a whole, sort of pushed men down beneath us.
It is possible that for whatever reason he feels insecure.

This doesn’t mean he is a sociopath..

Hi Aronia, I agree I don't think he is a sociopath, but I do think that because my accomplishments in my life is more than he has accomplished I feel like it bothers him. But he is a very intelligent man. I have never done anything to make him feel beneath me because in some areas he is very smarter than me. I feel that in all of his pasted relationship he has been more superior in education etc than the women so when he got with me that was not the case and it has always bothered him but he probably pushed it down. But I have always been a supportive wife. He has had jobs that we knew would not provide for the family but he was happy and I made sure financially that we were OK.

Have you asked him to explain specifically what makes him feel inferior ? Do you desire him sexually ?
Sometimes no matter how intelligent a man is, if he is not desired by his woman, he may feel inferior.
My ex husband told me the same thing. I was successful, everyone liked me, I made more money.. but he was unhappy in our relationship and he said he was jealous of my achievements. Nobody stopped him from doing what I did, I think he was jealous of my free spirit, because his was crushed in childhood.
This is SO deep that only therapy can get to the bottom of it. He had no insight into his feelings.
What kind of parents did your husband have? What was their relationship like ?

Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing?

@Aronia, I have asked him and he tells me the samething nothing different. I do desire him sexually but I don't feel the same in return. I always have to be the one to make intimacy happen. I agree with he needs therapy. His parents were great parents very traditional parents great relationship. They showed him how to respect and treat a woman as well as how to take care of a family.

@ rmb, in the beginning he made it seem like how I am is the kind of woman he desired. But since about 6 yrs ago he has become this person. But it wasn't as bad until more recently.

Is he suffering from depression?

@rmb, yes he has mentioned that he is depressed and believe that he would be diagnosed as depressed but will not reach out for help. I can't force him to but I have encouraged him to go and seek help even if it is diagnosed from his pcp who he really loves and trust because he has been treating him since he was a little boy.

I agree with what Gutted said, he is weak. Men admire a woman like you 'strong and independent,' in the beginning as they think it's going to improve their own lives, until they're with you for a time and realise that they can't meet you at your level. They become sulky and despondent.