Eph, have you seen any porn? The women are far from stereotypically perfect in many cases. LOL.

@Terranova, I like your attitude and I would feel comfortable with you or a woman with your stance on this topic. Even if a guy did go into heavy flirt-mode it wouldn't bother me because I know I can trust you.

If guys were huggy/kissy I may joke or make a comment but it wouldn't upset me. Now the butt smack is another story. That dude might be feeling a smack himself if he patted my girlfriend's behind in front of me. lol.

@michelle: your avatar pic is beautiful.

@goldfish: lol and yeah, i'm pretty much the same way.

@eph: exactly, what i'm thinking. intent is very important. I step back and look at the entire picture of what is happening and why. then I move forward from there.

Porn: porn is porn is porn. There's all kinds though. Video, magazines and even harlequin romance novels. intent/communication very important to sort out problems.

@Terranova: seriously, is it bad manners not to return like kind? I never knew that. I guess I kinda have bad manners but i'm not really comfortable and don't want to appear like a weirdo or something. I can't quite articulate my thoughts on that one. I guess I'll sort it out later. And, hopefully my guy friends understand my intent. I think they do. Gee, I don't mean them ill or dishonor. that's a tough one.

@terra: I just reread your post. i'm a hugger both on and offline. I can give online hugs. woot. concern resolved.

@eph: i simply see this the same way you do it appears.

LOL Whisper- well, "bad manners" is a bit of an overstatement, perhaps, but it's definitely the accepted norm to reciprocate.

I had mixed feeling about the smacks, but I know this guy very well- and his wife and it's playful & harmless- we play-act historic characters, so, to some degree, the guys get away with a bit more machismoness, lol.

i dont believe it is unless they are talking sleezy ect to one another.

me and my boyfriend often dont see eye to eye because i do not hang out with any girls. mostly because i find with girls there often comes drama and if there is one thing i hate its drama.
Needless to say all my friends are guys. i get along with them better and it often bothers my boyfriend when i go to hang out with my friends. He has never came out and just asked straight out "Are you sleeping with them?" or "do they flirt with you?" and vice versa but in ways im feeling like he thinks it.
I have been nothing but honest and loyal to my boyfriend. but he has a hard time understanding the reasons i dont have any "girl"friends. Im not really a lets go shopping or lets do our make up...im more of a lets go muddin or hey how about fixin that wheel bearing in your car/my car kind of girl. but it seems that i cant find that kind of girl like me to hang out with drama free. although i have never questioned his actions...like when he went to hang out with his ex for like 6 hours one day. it didnt bother me not only because i know at the end of the day he was sleeping in the same bed as me but also because that relationship ended for a reason right? if it didnt i wouldnt be in the picture.
Any advice on how i could put his mind at ease so i do not have to end this relationship apose to changing who i am and what i believe in?
as for the porn and checking out other girls/guys. i almost encourage it. like just the other day we were in the city and there was a cute blond walking in the park and i pointed her out to my boyfriend. it doesnt bother me, because i trust him.
my boyfriend flirts with his girl friends all the time, lol now that i think about it he flirts with my sister too. i dont think of it as cheating but more of like a game because the people he flirts with knows its more for fun like a joke rather than serious "hey baby lets go to bed" kinda of flirtin..im ramblimg now. so sorry if everything i just said didnt make any sense haha

my bf texted girls once and i went mad,really hurts, to me personally it is cheating!!! i would'nt do it, or if i was to in my lifetime i would be cheating!!! and he has sent things on My space and i was livid grrrr!!!!thats just how i feel....x

If it is chatting online to stay connected with friends or get support from people on sites like DS than it is ok. BUT boundaries have to kept and lines cannot crossed. Talking about everyday day stuff is fine, but flirting, posting sexual innuendos, generally talking about intimate subjects is definitely NOT ok. I think the bottom line is if you talk to other people about things that you would not like your significant other to see than it IS cheating.
My husband was involved in chats like that and it led to phone sex and exchanging naked photos and emails of sexual nature. He CHEATED even though he never met those women. After spending hours on talking, working on saving our marriage and figuring out how he can make amends to me he realized he had to delete all his chat accounts. He knows now he can't just 'talk', that it is like an addiction and he has to stay away from it completely or he is just a step away from crossing the line again.
I guess it depends on who you are and how well you understand what is appropriate and what is not.

i think if you set boundaries and know where each other stand and one of you cross the lines by flirting by texting etc it is def.CHEATING!!!! i know if my bf ever done anything like that to me again, its over, life goes on!!!!!
would be tough but i've set my boundries and what i would'nt put up with....and i'd stick to it

I completely agree with tipper1207's views....Chatting/IMing/texting with anyone with flirtatious intentions still counts as Unfaithful

I caught my boyfriend sending and receiving partially nude to completely nude photos with girls via text message. He said that since he didn't actually do anything with them physically and that he never sees them in person, that he wasn't cheating. Even though it completely crossed the boundaries for me.

Hell yeah. It is cheating. And I agree with what someone else said, if you are texting or going online THAT much you are abandoning your relationship to a point.

Is the chat on a support site like this, or some other type of site? I think it depends on the intent & nature of the chat. However, I am jaded on this issue as my ex did this when we were together. He was off the mind that if no sex was involved, what's the big deal? To him everything was just a game. (let's not even mention the other stuff he did do, short of intercourse). Anyhow, I think this type of flirtation is usually just the tip of the iceberg for many and doesn't lead to good things.

Cheating is cheating to me!! It's being unfaithful when you lie. Lying is not just telling a lie is not saying something you know the other would want to know. Having friends is one thing, flirting is another. One thing always leads to another!!! Open and honestly is my policy!!