WOW, Whispering..did u write this post? or did it just hit a nerve or two..

@summer: ?huh? I'm sorry, did I miss something? I can be pretty clueless. Did I say something wrong? I don't always get stuff right? Sorry if I did. Just trying to be honest.

Hello everyone, I'm sorry if I was offensive. Didn't mean to be. I'm in the asperger group for a reason. Sorry again.

okay, i'm definitely lost now.

are we now talking about cheating or flirting?

i'm asking cause the flirting thing is really kinda tricky, imho. alot of people flirt but wouldn't take any steps any further than being flirtatious.

And how do you define flirt? The boob and butt pics some women post are kinda flirty just cause guys are more visual than women. But none of the women I know posting those types of pics would take steps any further to becoming involved in a relationship with someone who was involved.

however, depending on the day, I might just look at the other person's booty in the pic and try to count the dimples. I'm not really thinking "wow, she wants attention" or whatever. I think some guys may think this way too.

sorry please disregard the last paragraph. my friends offline are like me. we would/do look at how some people are dressed and try to count their butt dimples. I don't know how I got this started. I think I was afraid of having a big flat bottom from sitting too much. To get motivated . . .

The short answer is no. "Emotional cheating" seems to be in fashion these days but in all honesty I think the concept is a bit dangerous. It gives jealous people more fodder to attack and control a partner and it gives promiscuous people this new gray area to hide in.

I think if a partner is flirting or becoming involved in regular communication with a member of the opposite sex through any means, chatting, text, talking over the fence, etc., it could lead to cheating -- i.e. "real" cheating, and that should be the concern.

I believe opposite sex friendships are acceptable. I think there are warning signs if something shady is going on like being secretive or use of deflection.

BTW, I disagree with neostar. Flirting with the opposite sex when you're in a committed relationship isn't a betrayal of trust. The person is rude or an asshole sure, but it's not a betrayal of trust.

I agree w/nenostar......it's really quite simple, if your doing something that you would not openly discuss w/your partner?! It is defintely crossing the line! My partner would have a rough day if I found him on line "flriting" w/another women!! and I believe most would feel the same....even if their doing it and trying to justify it here...

I gotta agree with neonstar too.

If you wouldn't tell your SO, then it is over the line and you already know it.

Well said.

Okay, this is interesting.

So then do some of you consider porn cheating? If so why? and If not why?

What about men lingering to look at scantily clad women?

I keep pointing this out because there are more ways of cheating or flirting than talking.

I do hope that some more guys will post here. This is why I appreciate my guy friends here on DS. They give me a different perspective from a man's point of view, which isn't necessarily the same as mine. I don't necessarily agree with my friends but it is good to keep an open mind and see things from another perspective sometimes.

@neonstar, I do agree with you on a persons motives behind flirting. If you have to do it, then why bother being in a relationship? I do understand the stray connection between strangers but those who purposely look for the opportunity to flirt consciously or do it consistently doesn't make sense. My guess is there are insecurities or self esteem issues involved.

@Whispering, Looking at women can't be cheating. Sure, a guy can decide not to watch porn but what are you going to do? Put blinders on your boyfriend? LOL.

@ goldfish: LOL :D. ain't that the truth.

@neonstar: thanks for your thoughts :).

back at everyone else, so what do the rest of you think?

What do you believe opens or begins the flirting? This is interesting to me. I'm learning that some of my friends were really open to saying anything to others whereas me - no way.

So, what is a safe conversation with others of the opposite sex, what do you talk about with your online male friends?
I've seen lots of posts about is it safe to have friends with the opposite sex on this board. If it's okay, then what conversations do you have? What do you talk about? I'm just curious? I like conversations like this.


I'm just curious for curiosity sake. Heck, the truth is I will take this conversation with me to work and we will talk about it there. I work in an environment where many different view/perspectives etc are present as well as nationalities, sexual orientation etc etc etc man the list goes on.

I'm single now so I'm fine with any flirting -- I encourage it! LOL.

When I'm in a relationship any friend a partner has is fine with me. I need to trust my partner otherwise why bother staying in the relationship? I figure if a partner of mine starts cheating or ever just looking elsewhere for attention I'm going to eventually notice a cooling down in my relationship and address it.

I don't want to have rules, chart and graphs to limit my partners actions or to remind me when I should pull back on the leash. I trust until I have reason not to. Then I fix the problem or end the relationship if it comes to that.

I also think showing trust by not limiting or attempting to control a partner acts to reduce the possibility of the partner looking outside the relationship.

I think intent is the keyword with anything.

I've watched my SO look other women up and down. Of course, I call him out on it and laugh about it, because it's not like all us ladies are innocent. Johnny Depp or Alexander Skarsgard comes on the telly and we're like O.O HULLO. So, it's unfair to put boundaries so strictly on our men, when we step over the line every once in a while too.

I think porn is circumstantial. Is he watching it because he's missing something from your sexual relationship or because the sex in your relationship is almost nonexistent? Again, intent is crucial. Porn serves for visual entertainment. I think women get cross about this because men are watching women who are the media projection of "sexy" rather than watching normal, everyday hotties like us ;) We notice when a girl doesn't have the chubby stomach like we do, or when she's got perfect hair... the guy just notices... "Whoa, naked chick!" And yeah, he might find her attractive, but then we're back to the fact that we find other people attractive as well.

And I agree with Goldfish for the most part, as well. I particularly enjoyed the blinders bit LOL.

....""I've seen lots of posts about is it safe to have friends with the opposite sex on this board. If it's okay, then what conversations do you have? What do you talk about?""

I have lots of friends of all varying persuasions & lifestyles.

I talk about all the same things I talk about with any girlfriend- the latest passion, problems, experiences, good news, bad news- anything and everything. I comfort them, debate with them-- but if I even suspect there's a sexual note in the air, I will make it clear I'm not in the market. Lots of ways to do that gracefully before it even becomes an issue.

The only time problems arise is when one of us gets too close to another person- sex doesn't even have to be a factor.

I am around a lot of outgoing, huggy, flirtatious people - it's bad manners not to return a cheek-peck and warm, flirty compliment. Some folks are very uncomfortable with that, I know. Even my hubby took some time to get used to it. Once he realized it wasn't all leading to one big orgy, he relaxed, lol.

There are a couple guys he still bristles about now and then- one is very kissy and the other likes to smack women's butts. I just turn the other cheeks, lol. I honestly think he's more jealous of them for being so comfortable with ladies, than upset about them possibly taking me away, but shhh, don't tell him I said that.

Aloha