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Backstory:
I run a private day home. The economy has been disastorous in Canada. I was struggling and considered shutting it down. My best friend needed care and bingo bango I had the extra kids I needed to stay open. I gave her a KILLER deal on rates. I knew she could of gone a different route and saved some money but she chose to help me. So she gets full time hours at a part time rate because the kids only came Tuesday to Thursday 730am until 430pm.
What Happened:
Her dad had to have open heart surgery in a city 3 hours away. She had told me she was taking the kids. And then her mom asked if I would watch her 3 dogs for $300 for the 10 days they would be gone. I said yes because my friend hadnt intended to pay me while her kids were gone. Last minute she decides shes not taking her kids and asks if I can help out by doing a Monday to Friday and a Monday to Thursday. Shes my best friend. I said no problem. So now theres a few extra days. Im still okay.
Day 9/10 and her dad hits complications. They will be up there 14 days now. In the time they were gone I managed to find 3 more kids....something I REALLY needed. I couldnt
I dont drive due to a health issue. So I was walking 20 blocks 2 to 3 times a day for the dogs. Its snowed here. I couldnt take 5 kids. When it was just her 2 I loaded them in my double stroller and hurked it throigh the snow. So I call in some favours to get the new days covered with the dogs.
Day 13/14 she messages and says they will now be up there an extra 4 to 6 WEEKS MINIMUM. I have no more favours to call in so I have to bring the dogs to my house. Where they dont get along with my own dogs.
So now Ive got 5 dogs in my house that dont gel. Meaning Ive got barricades everywhere. My dogs are seniors who struggle with bladder issues. Apparently her dogs too. Meaning Im CONSTANTLY mopping. Every 15 minutes I need to let a group of dogs out. My house stinks.
And Im watching her kids Monday to Friday...630am until 430pm...for part time pay. The Monday and Friday was a spot I had someone interested in but I had to turn them away when I needed the money because her kids being there made my ratio full.
So now her dad is on life supoort...quite possibly dying though they are being optomistic...and I need to talk to her about money. Or I could not. I could be the good friend who does TONS of extra work and struggles but does it quietly with a smile. Or I can be the bad friend who puts my needs first.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
BTW, putting your needs first DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD FRIEND. And if your friend is any friend at all, she would not expect you cater to her needs at the expense of your own. I have a feeling that if you look at the full spectrum of the "friendship", you will find you do most of the giving.
You can care for your friends and your friend can take advantage of you if you let her.
Separate her family crisis from your own if possible.
Helping her should not ruin your own life.
You need to have a candid talk with her about the state of things.
And yes, I've had those friends that ask for one thing before the other, and drop the other on top of you. These things sometimes happen in life w good friends., but I also wonder if she is a bit of a user. She may not be, but anyone would realize another 6 weeks is too much. Who is dropping and picking the kids up???
I'm a little unclear if you turned down full time kids for this initial 2 weeky thing. That doesn't make sense. Saying I can take them in 2weeks from now makes sense. So do you have these other kids or not? Again, who is picking them up and dropping them off? Someone is and supervising the home while she is gone. Seems to me that person could take the dogs too.
I agree completely with what others have said... This has become a massive burden.... You have helped her out a great deal and I would write her an email to set out your intentions... Then you have a record of what has transpired.... I would save all of the emails as well between you two... again as a record
I would let her know that you were able to help her out for a couple of weeks but a couple of months is way too much... You are running a business and having 3 dogs that don't get along with yours would be miserable and hard on everyone there....
I wouldn't want my kids in a daycare with dogs who didn't get along!!
I would let her know that she has to come home to care for her dogs as well she/they will have to be paying for her children's daycare.
This is simply business..... Would your friend want to receive part time pay for doing fulltime work??... I don't think anyone would want that.... Big hug....
PS.... this does not make you a bad friend but a reasonable business woman
It sounds like she is being the bad friend by taking advantage of you.
Her hubby is watching the kids. But he does not drive due to an old DUI. His sister is dropping off and picking up the kids. They are off work between 11am and 2pm. But wont grab the kids until after the sisters kid at school at 4....even though we all live in the same neighbour hood.
She drove her mom there. Her mom suffers from anxiety and wont drive in the big city. They said IF the dad is stable they plan on coming back for the weekend. To give me a 'break'.
We didnt have a convo about the extended stay. I just got a msg saying it was happening. Whenever we talk on the phone shes bawling about her dad and isnt very coherent.
Her husband is crazy cheap. He thinks they are paying too much already. She mentioned in a text throwing me more money but hubs is against it. They pay $650/month for 2 kids. I usually charge $1000/month for 2 kids at the hours she was getting...let alone now.
I also know they are struggling financially. She hasnt been working obviously and his hours have been cut. Her mom had budgeted to pay me $300 and now I have no idea as the whole stay up there is in a hotel.
I'm not totally heartless, I understand that they have a sad story. But they are using that story to take advantage of you.
I recommend that you return the dogs to their house.
Have the husband, (who remained home!) handle his responsibilities for his own pets for goshsakes.
Continue figuring out how to remain businesslike and professional in running your business.
You are not running a charity unless you let people take advantage of you.
If your rates are $1K a month, then stick to that! There are no discounts for friends. Otherwise, everyone wants to be your friend.
No rest for the weary.
I would send her an email again so you have a record of it of what it will cost to have her children in daycare fulltime.... Does her husband expect to be paid for the work he does??? Of course he does
If you want to cut her a deal then have her husband take home the dogs (for sure) and pick up HIS children as soon as he's off work... This isn't reasonable... Her own family isn't being helpful and you seem to be feeling guilty
My friend is S. Her parents are C and B. Her hubby is D. The dogs belong to C and B...NOT S. And the sister picking up the kids is Ds sister. No relation to the dog owners at all. S actually has no family here besides her parents. And since B was the one who had surgery they are all at the hospital where he is on life support.
Her husband is a functioning alcoholic. Her kids are nightmares. I love her but they are lax parents. No bedtimes, no sitting down to eat, they dont like when the kids cry so they cave to everything. I dont think he could handle his in laws dogs and his kids.
Have you ever heard this phrase:
Not my monkey, not my circus?
It applies.
If you rely on this business to pay your bills and you syphon off potential cash with friend discounts and expend all your energy wrangling said friend's family's dogs, and stinking up your house/place of business in the process, then you are risking your own income sources. Other clients won't enjoy the surrounds and will go elsewhere.
Anyway, you have a good heart, as they say. But maybe not a great sense of how to run a business.
That's ok, but you ought to be honest with yourself about your capacities and the potential risks and rewards in your life. And take into account prioritizing your own family over anyone else.
The "when and where you can" is the key. If this is your code, one I happen to agree with, then in this instance, if you can, do, and if you can't, don't.