Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,963 Members
13,641 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Healthy Relationships Support Group

Dependent?

mck99
mck99

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over four months. I’m almost 19, he’s 20. It’s gone by fast. We went across country and camped in many different states before our two month anniversary. Now, we spend almost every day together. I like it this way. I love spending this much time with him, and I really do not want to stop. However, I’m worried that spending this much time together is hurting us and I want to have a healthy relationship, and I want this to last as long as possible. This is the first adult relationship I’ve been in and I don’t want to ruin it with my inexperience. He’s expressed not wanting to be codependent, which we are, because in his experience, codependent relationships don’t end well. That night he wanted me to go home, but he kept pushing the time I’d go home further and further into the night and later said “fuck it, we’ll be codependent.” I’d like to move in with him when the fall 2018 semester starts, but he doesn’t want to, because living with girlfriends before hasn’t ended well. I want my relationship with him to be a long, great one. Any help on what I can do to make sure things don’t get ruined?

patternskies
patternskies
It sounds like a lot of worry. You aren't codependent yet, and there will be a level of codependency in relationships anyway. So far it sounds normal and positive. If he's had a bad experience with living w gf's then thats his reality. It may change eventually. Not all live in gf's will be bad. Just relax and enjoy yourself and try not to put too many expectations on things.
mck99
mck99
Thank you. Hearing that is helpful. I didn’t want to run things into the ground.
collegekid37
collegekid37
It sounds like you and your boyfriend really have a wonderful time together! I would say, keep having the conversation about what his boundaries on co-dependency are and talk about ways you can enjoy each other's company without compromising the limits you and him have.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug mck...... I agree that all relationships have some dependency on one another....

If it's a sick toxic relationship that's one thing however if you're falling in love and enjoying yourselves then all is well IMHO

It's great that you can discuss things and it's important for everyone to have some personal boundaries.....

It reads like it's good!!.... That's nice....xo
mck99
mck99
Thank you guys so much.
Aronia
Aronia
I think you need at least a year to date someone to make sure you will be ok to move in together.
Right now it is all new so it is great. Wait till you have an actually disagreement and see how you oversome difficulties tother .
jojored
jojored
I think you need to listen to what he said the first go-around. Things are moving too fast and he doesn't really want a full time live in GF right now. Sure, as the night progressed and things were cozy he said to stay, because it's easy and I'm sure you were both enjoying the night. But his fundamental belief is to create a little distance. You both need "me" time to fully develop yourselves as adults. Trouble happens when two people become one - they lose themselves in a relationship, then when things turn south or hit a bumpy patch, it is their entire world that's shaken. They don't have other things or hobbies independent of their partner to fall back on. I do believe you two need some breathing room.
mck99
mck99
He broke up with me yesterday morning.
patternskies
patternskies
oh no I'm sorry
mck99
mck99
I don’t know if he got scared. I want to try to get him back.
verynicebecky
verynicebecky
It went too fast. Are you the one who suggested that you move in with him? If so, you pushed too hard and he told you that in the past live-in gf relationships did not work out. Don't rush things. I agree with the other poster that you need to date at least a year before moving in with him. If marriage is your goal, don't move in with a man until you are engaged. Why give him free milk when he won't buy the cow?
BookThirteen
BookThirteen
You’re both extremely young and I can understand his point of view relationships should be 2 individuals not one merged person. It’s good to still be independent and not to HAVE to be with them. But if you’re both happy in this honey moon period spending this much time with each other then go for it! Just remember you’re your own person and not just an extension of him.
mck99
mck99
I want to suggest slowing things down to him, and maybe he’d come back.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • Community LeaderSunCloudJD

    Wednesday has just begun!!

    Posted by: SunCloudJD
    Last Reply: GTTMbutstillme
    4
    And I mean just begunAnother night that sleep is being difficult but I'll get thereI hope that you're having sweet dreams followed by a happy hump daySending hugs...xo
  • china70

    Tired and feeling down

    Posted by: china70
    Last Reply: hasty_05
    2
    Life has been really hard this past year. I'm really feeling down and  alone.  I can't talk to my family about my depression and anxiety their not very understanding about it.  It's really hitting me since my mother passed a few months ago, plus stress from having to eventually move.  Also having my niece coming around who suffers bipolar and refuses to take medication for it.  Its been...