Why do you feel jealous, insecure and distrusting? I think examining that and resolving those issues will make it easier to manage. Maybe getting into a relationship so soon after your divorce ddn't give you enough time to do some emotional inventory, to heal, to address things that maybe needed addressing.

There is also something to be said about making an effort to not indulge that kind of thinking. If you know it's not reasonable then when that feeling comes over you, why sit in that feeling? Instead, try redirecting your thoughts or remind yourself that jealousy is a ridiculous emotion.

You may want to talk to a therapist if you find you really are struggling.

Thank you for the reply. I absolutely agree that my relationship was too quick in forming after my divorce. I should have waited to allow myself to find the "me" that I wanted to move forward with. I dealt with some of these same issues while I was married, and I know that it comes from my own insecurities. I think some therapy might do me well like you said. I hafta be happy with myself. I consider myself a great father and I'm proud of so many things, but I'm such a relationship failure I think it really weighs on me. Seems like I'm just always kinda waiting for the end to come. I feel like I need to be much more confident in myself. My gf says my confidence was her main attraction to me. That swagger I had is gone. I was a bodybuilder/power lifter for years but my body is breaking down due to construction work and I think I've lost all confidence as I've gotten older and am trying to come to grips with all of it. I don't feel old in my head, just my body. I'm still in decent shape and my gf says she extremely attracted to me but tha attraction is lost when I am jealous or accusatory....she doesn't deserve this and I hafta change, not just for her but for me....I feel tormented inside with all of these feelings and thoughts.

There's that great Bette Davis quote: Getting old ain't for sissies. Transitioning into your late 40s/early 50s, it's a weird time. Like you said, you feel the same inside, you feel young in your head, but your body is a constant reminder that shit is changing. I get that completely and understand the hit your confidence can take. It's as if your body is betraying you. Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and think, yikes.

I wonder for you if it's more a depression thing. That's kind of what it sounds like. Maybe I'm wrong, but whatever the issue, I think therapy can be super helpful. And you really have to do it for yourself, because you don't deserve to feel this way either. You want to be a happy and whole person independent of your relationship.

I feel for you darbsdad. I too have and had jealous partners and have been jealous myself. I stems from insecurities and it is awful to feel that way. I feel for you. It doesn't really matter if you got into this relationship too fast, you did and here you are. Now to deal with the guts of it all. It is hard getting older and feeling our attractive qualities are all on the outside but your gf said herself she was attracted to your confidence. Thats a feeling about yourself not how you look. If you get your confidence from how you look then that needs addressing. Self- confidence comes from being comfortable with yourself and who you are. Maybe thats an area to work on, also I think if you assure your gf you care about this issue and your relationship and are committed to sorting it out by going to therapy then Im sure that will help a lot. Especially if you actually go! Its never too late, just go and learn how to feel good about the wonderful guy you are and the great guy your gf sees.

also - ( sorry) a bit part of jealousy is indulging in our imagination what scenarios we think are happening. The imagination is a powerful tool as many sportsmen will tell you. you can make this imagination work for you.
When you feel the jealousy monster coming just choose to stop thinking about it, go do something different and keep busy. You need to relearn the habitual way of thinking about it.

I struggle with it too, it makes me feel sick and just ill. Such severe anxiety usually stems from a fear of being out of control of things ( her) but you can learn to overcome that. So it is really a control issue or the fear of what happens being out of your control, as it is down to her, your gf, what happens. You can control how you feel though. Only you can do that. So try what I suggested and try to control those emotions. It takes practice but you can do it. You are worth it. x

Here is what I think - if a person loves you truly, this person understands why you may feel jealous and insecure and instead of pushing you away, this person will comfort you and ask you what is making you uncomfortable.
If you are jealous of her make friends, she should be introducing them to you before going out to do things with them.
I personally do not hangnout with male friends because I don't think it is appropriate for me to do that when I have a man.
I will invite male friends to meet my BF and avoid being with them 1:1,
But that's just me.

I agree with Aronia, I act in that very same way.

I don't hang out with male friends solo either and include my husband with my friends, unless it's just me and my girlfriend getting together. He does the same with his friends

But, I do think it depends on the extent of the person's jealously, like if it becomes controlling, ie your partner gets enraged if you speak to another man at the grocery store, is constantly accusing you of flirting merely because you're shooting the breeze with your mail man, or if he tells you what to wear so others won't be attracted to you, if he makes your life effing hard every single time you're leaving the house, accuses you of having affairs with coworkers based on nothing but an over active imagination, that crap is unreasonable and shouldn't be indulged.

Jealousy is one thing, and trust is another. I can understand that one may feel jealous when their partner or spouse receives the attention of another person, but to not trust, is another thing altogether.

I'm also not sure what would make you feel jealous, if she is not doing anything to make you jealous. There seems to be a fair bit of contradiction in your last post, and I'm wondering if there is more to this. Often, when one is not trusting, jealous and accusatory, there is either something going on with their partner, or there's something going on with them, and they're reflecting it onto their partner. There's always a reason why things happen, and perhaps you're not looking at the full picture.

A way to untangle the feelings and thoughts that you're struggling with, is to turn around, and follow your footsteps back to where they originated, and connect the dots. There's always a reason for our madness, and facing the hard truths of where those footsteps originated can set you free from torment, and stops the mad cycle of endless replay.

A lot of this comes from the inside out and it's good that you recognize this... I also agree that it depends on how extreme the jealousy is.... Is it control snooping through phones etc?...or is there a good reason for your feelings??....any dishonesty in the relationship?... I have found in the past that once someone lies to me the trust is pretty much gone for instance
I would consider therapy to help you work through this... It may be a wonderful gift to you in order to rid yourself of these awful feelings if they have nothing to do with your relationship now other then within you.. Big hug....xo