Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm having my first experience of dating in my 30's when both people are professionals who work full-time and have active lives outside of work. I'm wondering what everyone's impression is of acceptable frequency of seeing the person their dating and when to be patient and hope for more time together in the future.
I met this girl online like 3 months ago and chatted for a couple weeks, text for a couple weeks and met up for the first time not quite 2 months ago. In that 2ish months we've had 5 dates and twice we've gone 2 weeks without seeing each other inbetween dates. I think that's actually for the best if there is long term potential because in my past I'd see the other person as often as I could after a couple weeks, like seriously see the person 3-5 times a week at that point and things get passionate but burn up fast when I do that. So this is a real test of my patience.
We both live about a half hour apart and work similar schedules during the week. One of our dates we met up after work on a weeknight and it was still great but we were both exhausted and ended up staying together way past our normal bedtime and screwing up our rest for the next work day. That's fine I guess but it's not ideal to see each other during the week. Maybe if things get serious down the road there could be a weeknight sleep over but right now that's a little much.
Neither of us like this, we both express how we're impatient but that's the reality we're in. Still it's worth it and I think I'm even that much more excited about seeing her in the future when I have to look forward for it for a week, as much as it sucks. So we spent Friday night together cooking at my place but she couldn't stay over because she was that busy the rest of the weekend. Next weekend is equally as busy for her so she planned a Sunday morning date for us but we only have until like noon before she has other obligations. Then two weeks in a row in July I'm busy both weekends so at that point we'll have 3 weeks between seeing each other unless we pull something off. So we planned a date a month out after our 3rd date, I've never done that before. Third date and I bought tickets to something a month out! Is that insane?
Is this normal for being a busy professional and being in your 30's? How do you navigate this? I can deal with it for the time being but down the road this could get really old or I've already considered maybe I should start playing with the idea of dating another person too since we haven't had the "talk." I don't want to date anyone else though! I want to date her and only her! and I don't want to bring up the talk either, that always puts a damper on the fun we've been having and I'm trying to go about this completely different than I normally do which would be see each other way too much, get way too involved, confess my love to her after a month, have the talk, freak her out, things cool off then we split. It's sad and I'm working on my insecurities so this situation is really challenging.
Do you guys all think this is a good pace? Or is 5 dates in like 7 weeks barely keeping something going?...
I met this girl online like 3 months ago and chatted for a couple weeks, text for a couple weeks and met up for the first time not quite 2 months ago. In that 2ish months we've had 5 dates and twice we've gone 2 weeks without seeing each other inbetween dates. I think that's actually for the best if there is long term potential because in my past I'd see the other person as often as I could after a couple weeks, like seriously see the person 3-5 times a week at that point and things get passionate but burn up fast when I do that. So this is a real test of my patience.
We both live about a half hour apart and work similar schedules during the week. One of our dates we met up after work on a weeknight and it was still great but we were both exhausted and ended up staying together way past our normal bedtime and screwing up our rest for the next work day. That's fine I guess but it's not ideal to see each other during the week. Maybe if things get serious down the road there could be a weeknight sleep over but right now that's a little much.
Neither of us like this, we both express how we're impatient but that's the reality we're in. Still it's worth it and I think I'm even that much more excited about seeing her in the future when I have to look forward for it for a week, as much as it sucks. So we spent Friday night together cooking at my place but she couldn't stay over because she was that busy the rest of the weekend. Next weekend is equally as busy for her so she planned a Sunday morning date for us but we only have until like noon before she has other obligations. Then two weeks in a row in July I'm busy both weekends so at that point we'll have 3 weeks between seeing each other unless we pull something off. So we planned a date a month out after our 3rd date, I've never done that before. Third date and I bought tickets to something a month out! Is that insane?
Is this normal for being a busy professional and being in your 30's? How do you navigate this? I can deal with it for the time being but down the road this could get really old or I've already considered maybe I should start playing with the idea of dating another person too since we haven't had the "talk." I don't want to date anyone else though! I want to date her and only her! and I don't want to bring up the talk either, that always puts a damper on the fun we've been having and I'm trying to go about this completely different than I normally do which would be see each other way too much, get way too involved, confess my love to her after a month, have the talk, freak her out, things cool off then we split. It's sad and I'm working on my insecurities so this situation is really challenging.
Do you guys all think this is a good pace? Or is 5 dates in like 7 weeks barely keeping something going?...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
When I couldn't see whoever I was dating, we would do things for each other to keep the presnse and the romance there
- texting , calling every day, video chat. Talking about your day together, wishing good morning and good night
- sending flowers or some small gift in the mail
- setting plans to spend the weekend tougher
I think when you have a date in place to do sown thing, it makes it easier to wait for it and enjoy the anticipation
As for the acceptable norm. I have no clue. Each person is different. But I believe in chemistry, so if you both have good chemistry you still at least try. I think with you guys keeping in contact it's a great thing.
Keep in contact with her, I think as you both getting to know each more and develop a better connection that exhaustian will be worth it as later it will turn into a feel good high where you both will be feeling excited for being tired as its worth it.
Your experience is just what happens when we grow up, so yeah it's normal. Like anything, we balance our priorities. It's that way for friends, family, work, hobbies and relationships.
I can tell you from my own experience that it doesn't need to be that hard. When my husband and I met, I was 35, he was 34, lived 40.minutes apart, both worked long hours and he had children he had every other weekend and 2 nights during the week. We just saw each other every other weekend, and if we had some other obligation, then we didn't get to see each other on that weekend. We talked on the phone a few nights each week. We still grew close where we started staying weekends at each other's houses, or over night during the week.
If you guys really enjoy each other's company, and keep communicating to make sure you're both on the same page about the time you see each other, what each of you wants, you'll find you will feel more relaxed about things.
I know it's frustrating, but unless one of you moves closer to the other, I don't see any other option, except for electronic correspondence like the aforementioned phone or text, do you?