First off approach this from a perspective of love and not the anxiety.

You state that you love him and he isn't the man he used to be since he is 17 years sober (way to go him).

I would recomend talking to a counselor privately to work on coping mechanisms for your anxiety and panic disorders then once you are a bit better from that maybe co-counseling and then marriage counseling for you both to work through any issues going on.

If you just leave him you may end up in a worse way because as you said you do love him. So go the path of love and try to work all this out. I will tell you it will take time as it is a process.

I don't know if you know Jesus but pray for your marriage and if you go to church then maybe find some other women of God to help you. I know when i am struggling with things my brothers in Christ prayers help me get through things. The enemy wants to destroy your marriage but Jesus would like to see it grow and strengthen.

If you can look at this from his perspective, it might help you figure out what you want to do. You never being well is probably hard on him. Maybe he feels trapped or unhappy that you are always sick? He should be nicer and not mentally mean, of course. I don't know why he says you are over reacting but do you think there is some truth to that statement or is he just trying to shut you up?

I think the anxiety and panic disorder can be helped by a good psychiatrist and good therapy for you. Seventeen years is a long time for you not to seek your own wellness now that he is sober. You deserve to have wellness also. Seek something better for yourself and for your marriage. You deserve this.

I agree to work on your panic/anxiety..... If you have a disorder you might need treatment

If you aren't seeing a doctor I would make an appt and get into therapy as well if you're able to

From what you've written most of this is coming from within you more than to do with your husband and there's good treatment for anxiety/panic

It could really help you to get into meditation/mindfulness..... Big hug of peace and calm..... xo

One of the things about coming on to ds and writing something about yourself is that it's only one side of a coin of two when married.

Your husband it would seem has taken hold of his life by stopping drinking, while what you wrote, """I never feel well and I can't stand him not being home I worry I think it stems from the years he was drinking,"""

From my own point of view of growing up with two alcoholic parents, one that stopped drinking and one that didn't, it's taken me many years of therapy to work through all the confusion of my younger years.

If you married in your 20's, and have been married for 23 years I'd say that your husband staying by your side """you need to take in""" and let go of the fear it would seem you create in your own head of him leaving you.

I too like everyone else think a good therapist, possible medication would help you a great deal, along with a good physical if you are in menopause years.

Wishing you the best of luck Peace and Healing To You and Yours <3

My word of wisdom after reading some of your concerns is not to let past insecurities keep you from today’s fulfillment and happiness. Pick up a hobby with your hubby and or give him the gift of YOU! The happy you with him. Invest in your own happiness and include his participation. Best to you and your husband.

There are two different versions of your husband, the one who was living with addiction and the one that is sober. There are two very different personalities between the two versions. You fell in love with him while he was an addict and then became a different person in sobriety. There is now a different dynamic in your relationship.

This will be hard to hear and possibly even harder to follow through. You need to take your focus away from your husband and start working on yourself getting better. There is a way to do this. You could go to CODA meetings or Al-Anon. Work the program and redirect your focus to you.

Coming from someone who has anxiety, like myself. Anxiety does tend to create sitauations a little more than what it is by overreacting. I dont want to dismiss either that you are not overreacting based on some situations either.. If he is kean to you, mentally. He could have anxiety himself! Have you told him you are having panic and anxiety?

I would talk to someone about the anxiety or buy this book to learn more about it. It discusses much about the brain. Our brain on anxiety makes things worse basically. The book is called "Rewire your anxious brain" It is a very easy read. This book has helped me alot where I can catch myself better when the anxiety starts to build or the "amygdala hyjack" it is all in the book. I also take magnesium for the anxiety and it helps. The magnesium is called "natural vitality calm magnesium"