Yup, that do make for an explosive silence in my own marriage, as well. My own hubs and I have managed to keep a few of those silences brewing for decades, though most seem resolve themselves with time. Some just don't go away, no matter how much I don't like them. Giving in to demands one of us deems unreasonable *just* builds resentment.

Wish I had easy answers for both of us, Best I can offer is gentle support while you work ^it^ out. Personally, I work to hold the love sacred on those days the asshole I married is too righteous to even be likable.

Is this a new behavior or does she tend to hold grudges?

If you made an honest mistake, apologize and ask how you can rectify the situation.

If this is petty passive-aggressive behavior, maybe some counseling is in order.

Silences can be passive/aggressive behaviour.....

I think it's important to discuss how you both feel about 'things' with the kids so that you are on the same page when the kids aren't present

Not sure what it is so I don't really know what else there is to say.... if you aren't on totally separate pages sometimes it's okay to agree to disagree.... Again not sure what this is about

if she keeps score .. things will end badly
scorekeepers are tough to live with because they never let the game (their game) get even

i'd advise trying to get her to agree to marriage counseling, maybe you both could move towards the other

Maybe her bringing up the same two issues repeatedly is her (really ineffective way) of letting you know there are bigger issues that she doesn't know how to talk about. I believe that ineffective communication is one of the most sure-fire marriage killers. I suggest couples counseling and attempts at honest open communication from both sides. Letting this ferment for too long is a bad idea, take action now.

My ex was passive aggressive, and silence was his go-to method for avoiding communication. You will have to be the one to initiate communication.

What was your disagreement about ?
Is this a typical way she handles any disagreements or just this one?

So I learned through therapy my fiance and I fight differently.

He is used to from past relationships being in an explosive, name calling, cussing get it all out now. The louder you were the more right you are.

I on the other hand, would prefer to quietly clam up so that I don't say anything I will regret. Therefore build a 'wall'. Being stubborn doesn't help either.

Neither of us have learned how to fight. Name calling is a form of abuse as is cussing, shouting and screaming. But was learned behavior from all his past relationships.

As with me, clamming up and not discussing it was my inner person being fearful of being hurt, building a wall and being childish.

My therapist gave me an exercise in counting to 10. Then calmly saying what was bothering me. Opening myself up for vulnerability. He suggested my fiance learn to stop the name calling. We both made an active subconscious decision to do so and have learned to fight without damaging our relationship.

Don't get me wrong. I have moments were I forget as does he. But actively trying is so much better than the past way we fought.

You're wife thinking she is right and you are wrong is fine, but I would ask her why she feels her method is more correct than yours? Or why you couldn't come to a compromise in between.

Being always right isn't necessarily right.

I also learned that rehashing something just rehashes the same problems and issues. If you can't let it go and move on, then the problem was never really resolved. You have to ask yourself if you want to continually live in the past or move your relationship forward. Someone can continually be punished for the past and never live in the present. She needs to choose to let it go, get over it and stop bringing it up.