What , in your opinion, defines these women as being " catty"?
Are these people that you know or are they complete strangers?
The reason why I am asking this is because when we have underlying anxiety, our perception of actual events maybe distorted by our fears.
Believe it or not, I have always had social anxiety ( no one believes it lol ) and when I have to go to parties I always feel uncomfortable, but I know that this feeling is not founded on objective observations.
As far as women being catty - yes it does happen. People who can truly relate to your discomfort would be men who work in predominantly female work groups...like nurses for example.
Usually there are more women than men.
I also never fit in at school because I didn't belong anywhere. It is not a big deal. You are walking to the beat of your own drum. As I learned later, it is not a bad thing.

Remember, Walrus, that you are in a forum group filled with women! Know your audience! The ladies are going to just LOOOVE your post lol.

Define "catty". Does that mean superficially judgmental? And, like Aronia said, are they complete strangers? And if so, are you worried about what they're saying about YOU? If so, who gives a toss? Chock it up to you and them are not a good match, and not everybody is going to like everybody. You're right to vacate yourself from such women.

College-age women, 18-22 years old unless they're at the graduate Masters or Ph.D. level, in which case they're older, are just out of high-school, away from their parents for the first time, going from being the most "popular" girls in high school to being lost in a sea of humanity where nobody gives a shit, and they too are trying to make sense of it all, so their judgmental behavior is an attempt to try and control the situation, make sense of it all, figure out where they fit into this vast system, and try to form some sort of identity. Try not to take their judging personally.

I think it seems like women are the more "catty" but I've met catty men before too.

I don't like catty anyone! I know exactly what you are talking about, I remember those days of working with the evil people!

I tell my daughter to never tell anyone anything at all that she doesn't want to be shared, because people love to gossip!

I've never understood secret behind the scenes gossip. It's so sneaky and underhanded. Trying to place a bad opinion in another person's mind about someone you both know. I NEVER fall for it. I know if a woman comes up to me and tells me that someone we know said something bad about me that SHE is the one who just hurt my feelings... she was NOT doing me a "favor" but some people are so easily manipulated.

In the circle of Moms I know, I steer clear of the ones that bad mouth others.

Hang in there, sleepy walrus. keep company with people who don't need to gossip about others or encourage others to take paths they wouldn't want to be on!

It's a myth that women are more catty than men. I listen to my husband sometimes tell me stuff that's going on at work and there are just as many men in that shit show as women. In fact, some of the shadiest comments I've seen on this forum come from men.

Sooo..., I agree that it's hard to know what is meant by catty. Is it just back stabbing and passive / aggressive chatter? If so, just steer clear. You don't need to do anything except simply not engage. If you don't engage, people like this usually move along to someone who will.

I agree with Aronia when there's anxiety involved, perceptions get distorted. I have this issue as well, not specifically about people being catty, but for instance, someone will bring something up at work about our boss being on the war path, and if I'm feeling anxious, I somehow always think it's something I did to make her that way. It's ridiculous. I've worked for this person for over 10 years and I can count zero times that ended up actually being the reality. Everything gets skewed and then amplified in my head when I'm feeling anxious, which of course leads to more anxiety and then it's just this spiraling effect.

To clarify, when I say "catty", I'm talking about individuals gossiping/talking about other people (typically other people I know) in mean or unpleasant ways. Like gossiping about someone being rude/controlling/bitchy/etc. Sometimes it's fairly generic stuff about how some other group they know has stabbed them in the back or turned against them over things like relationships. In some of these cases I know the person being talked about well enough to know what is being said likely isn't true, or is an exaggerated misunderstanding. With other cases I can't say I know for certain that the allegations are untrue, but I still try to assume the claims are exaggerated or misunderstandings until I see/hear proof myself.

The people I encounter being catty like this are all grown adults, as am I. Most of my encounters with them being catty these past few weeks have taken place at work or a club I joined on campus a number of years ago to be more social.

In the past I have been abused by various girls/women who would threaten to make false accusations (of various offenses, including sexual harassment) against me to either get me to do things or out of spite. In the cases where people witnessed this abuse take place they all either turned a blind eye or sided with my attackers (possibly to avoid their wrath).

It's traumatic to repeatedly find yourself in situations like that where you are being victimized in that manner and feel so powerless with no way to defend yourself since nobody around you is coming to your defense and you're painfully aware that there is a huge bias against you in these situations based purely on your gender.

Even though I haven't heard any of them saying anything catty about me, whenever I hear women being catty and saying mean things about other people it makes me uncomfortable and anxious. It causes memories of the abuse to surface and it's like reliving the feelings fear and helplessness from those past incidents of abuse.

Quite understandable. When you feel memories of that "abuse" coming on, like I said, you're right to vacate yourself from such women.

Although I truly love certain individual women, as a group I despise women. Don't trust them as far as I can throw them (and I HAVE BEEN TEMPTED to throw them--right into a wall ).

Catty doesn't begin to adequately describe how women treat (or talk about) other women.

If a man doesn't like you, he's generally direct about it. He will probably tell you why. He will want to clear the air. Women, on the other hand, will smile to your face and then talk about you like a dog. Or worse, they act all offended and hurt but you can't ever find out WHAT YOU DID to offend them. Message to women: GROW UP.

Do your best to ignore them. The negative things they talk about are not your fault, nor does it have anything to do with you personally.

The only way to overcome this is to stand up to them. Yes you may become their target, but it won't last, they'll eventually move on to another one, and hopefully they won't do it in front of you again. Letting it be, and not saying or doing anything, can guarantee you a lifetime of it, and it only stops when you demand it to. And the longer you let it go, the more debilitating it becomes.

I'm with LivingWater on a lot of what she says, and the only way to overcome this pitful behaviour, is to either take your leave as soon as it happens, or say something like, 'I'd prefer if you didn't speak about others like that in my presence.' Sometimes in life, you just have to fight back a little to find your peace. The more often you do it, the easier it becomes, and you'll gain respect and admiration from those who feel what you do, but can't verbalize it.

Wishing you well.

Do your best to not associate with them. Those types of women are very insecure in who they are themselves and not happy. They will be like that until they can find confidence and happiness in them.