I don't know what's wrong with me. I have this overwhelming need to feel loved and wanted. I had a bad marriage and I finally got the courage to end it 9 months ago. I rarely felt loved or wanted for most of our relationship and marriage and yet I stayed because it's what I got used too and really didn't have much self worth. I obviously still don't. I know what I'm thinking and feeling is wrong. I know I can't change his feelings. I know he said he can't be involved with me romantically anymore because it's not fair to either of us. He is allowed to feel whatever he feels and no one can control that. I wrote him a letter after the breakup just expressing my feelings and sharing things I hadn't told him but wanted to because I felt it would help him see why I was clingy or needy or negative etc. He knew about the loss of my mom but there was another major family issue that arose and I handled it selfishly and clung to Josh instead of being with my family because I was hurt and mad. I wanted Josh to know. He was super appreciative of the letter, and it still remains hanging up on his bulletin board.
We got talking tonight while driving and he said he's really glad I still want to hang out. That we get along well, we understand one another, and hold no judgment towards each other. He's like that is hard to find even in friendship and I'm really glad we have that. He's like you're a good person Shannon.
That's what makes it hard, the fact that we click on so many levels and have an intense connection during sex but he doesn't feel drawn to me in that romantic way anymore. He's a catch and a good guy.
I know I need to at the very least stop hoping or being delusional
that things will change. I can't be friends with him based on that hope. I have to let things happen as they will, however that may be. Yes feelings can come back, 100% they can. Me focusing on that though and obsessing over it isn't fun for me or healthy. Maybe Josh can pick up on it too, who knows. I have to let things be. I can be his friend, I can be his sex buddy too, but I have to realize that's all it is and that's all it may ever be. Yes I want to find love and that one special person. I have to realize it may not be Josh...while there has been slips of him calling me honey or Hun, that's all they are. I have to accept things as they are right now. If things change great, but I can't hold out hope for that as its hurting me.
I'm sorry that I've been so crazy and asking the same thing over again. I just had thought I met potentially "the one" and after years of heartache it sucked to have it end.

We all want feel loved and wanted. It's the human condition. If a relationship ends, it's OK to not have animosity and to feel fondness and love for that person, to leave it with a full heart and wish the person well. But that should not trump the love and respect you have for yourself. People always are hoping and looking for "the one." The only "one" is your self. Otherwise, it's meeting people you may or may not connect with and sometimes it works out with a person and sometimes it doesn't. That's really the reality.

Take the time to heal from your divorce. Take the time to first be a person who can stand on her own and feel comfortable in her own life and skin, to be happy and content, independent of being with someone.

Be your own best friend.

hon, ask yourself this, Am I in love with him or with the idea of being a couple. Being friends with benefits is not the way to go. He broke up, just pack up his things and when he shows up, give it to him. You deserve someone who will always be there for you. You deserve someone that will help and appreciate you for the beautiful, vibrant woman you are. Through thick and thin. I married someone who was never really there for me or our children. I lasted 25 years and I was more lonely with him than now that I am on my own. Talk to a councillor if you have to. I am still doing it after 9 years. Hugs my friend.

Friends don't have sex together, that's why they're called friends. You are on a delusional path to self-destruction. My advice would be: abort mission.

Feelings don't come back when they were never there in the first place. He wasn't romantically involved with you, he was just enjoying the sex. Once he saw you were becoming romantically involved, he drew the just-friends card.

I am concerned that you are saying you can be his friend and that you can be his sex buddy. Really? Is that what you want?
You are showing him that it is okay to use you.

Stop hanging out with him.

He a guy and will eventually have sex with you again.. You are are familiar ... He will still continue to look

I'm aware he will still continue to look. I know that.
Lenoire, we were romantically involved. We loved each other and he did care for me. We were boyfriend and girlfriend. He broke up with me because it wasn't fair to either of us to continue a romantic relationship because of his feelings changing. There was no doubt romantic feelings there for most of our relationship. He told me during the break up he did feel we had something special in the beginning. He was saying I love you up until about 4 weeks before he finally ended it. That's a connection. So there are "feelings" or rather were.
Anyways I know I need to move on, but his friendship will mean a lot to me

Sure, "withered" feelings can and do come back...usually after an extended absence...then, once together for an extended period of time, if those feelings "withered" once, they "wither" again...it's a neverending cycle. And, yes, I've experienced this.

whilstever you look for "the one" outside yourself, you will repeat this pattern.

You're your one. you are also the source of your love - it's internal, not from any external source. A meditation and journaling practice are very good ways to start to develop this inner core.

be alone for a while - no men - no looking outside, for what is inside.

Thank you Saint.

Sounds more like "Friends with Benefits" which always ends badly for the "Friend" in the equation! I would find it highly insulting to just be used like a blow up doll,if I was a woman! You're not good enough to date him,but great for having sex with? I just find the whole notion to be very unhealthy in so many ways! Obviously his feelings aren't going to change back as long as you're OK with the current situation! All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up! Good luck!

I continued to have sex with a man that broke up with me, hoping he would get back together with me or would realize how he really felt about me....worst...mistake...ever. It really just caused me heartache. I say move on and save yourself the extra pain. You will most certainly have some pain, but by doing what your doing, you are only making it worse in the long run.

Oh and the only feelings he realized he had for me were friendly feelings. Period, the end. I had to go no contact because it hurt so bad to realize that and that was one of the best things I did. I also agree with Saint, just be alone and find the one within.