When she says don't worry if you can't I'd respond thats good because I won't be able to

If you aren't comfortable just saying no say you're tired and you're going to bed

Or say it's late and I'm in the the night

If you say no a few times she'll get the hint

If you want to go tally what she owes you and tell her the bill is $$ can u reimburse me now

I thinknyou'll have to be pretty frank with this woman as she's really 'nervy'

From the sounds of it if you keep doing this she's going to keep on asking

She's an adult she can figure it out and do it herself
She knows exactly what she's doing

I would have no problem saying no.

"Knowing now that I am being conned, I will let her know that I won't be able to do it for her."

Kudos for setting a boundary, which is definitely your best course of action.

Because I can't see her face or hear her vocal tone when she's telling you, "If you can't, it's OK," it's hard to know whether she's conning you, feeling embarrassed about asking, or both. It seems she's dependent on alcohol, cigarettes, and your money...and she may not feel she has another way to get through life. It's not an excuse, but understanding the "why" can help you determine how to phrase the boundary that you set.

I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with her. Let her know that you care about her and want to help when you can, but that you also have to take care of yourself. Then tell her that you can no longer purchase alcohol and cigarettes for her late at night and without reimbursement. This will help her understand that you're setting a boundary, not rejecting her.

Her response will be the clear indicator of whether she's conning you. If she respects your boundary, that's a friend. But if she gets defensive or guilt-trips you, then she's taking advantage, and I'd encourage you to create distance.

I hope this situation works out for you.

Thank you all for your insights. You have given me some good points from which to work this problem.


She isn't the most dependable of friends, if in fact she is a friend. I'm beginning to have doubts.

I intend to tell her that I will not bring free cigarettes or alcohol over to her place the next time she asks, so don't ask. I'll give her a ride anywhere, or bring emergency supplies like medicines or food, but no more doordash for poisons.

Eww… gross, that’s a bad habit, anyway addressed.

And it’s the attitude and the frequency that’s bothersome.

You can always choose not to acknowledge and regain your power.

The answer is there with you; if it’s important to her, she will find a way to get it herself.

I’m glad you’re exposing your relationship. This clearly states that you’re not her busboy nor butler.

You are free from any guilt trip she tried to pull on ya!

Best to you, and go get yourself a decent one.

Your biggest thing is to accept that that she is a bad friend and you would be better off without her in your life. Once you get to that point you won't fear telling her no.

But I will say it does not sound like she is conning you from what you wrote. It sounds like she is directly requesting what she needs and you are too afraid to say no. She is not lying or being dishonest. You are just a people pleaser and conflict avoidant. She is certainly selfish but not a con.

Your biggest thing is to accept that that she is a bad friend and you would be better off without her in your life. Once you get to that point you won't fear telling her no.

But I will say it does not sound like she is conning you from what you wrote. It sounds like she is directly requesting what she needs and you are too afraid to say no. She is not lying or being dishonest. You are just a people pleaser and conflict avoidant. She is certainly selfish but not a con.

So far is not continent for you to render the favor then you can say no .