Healthy Relationships Support Group

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At a loss

zigz
zigz

So long story short my long time boyfriend contacted an ex girlfriend and recently met up with her with. I found out because the ex screen shot the message leading up to their meeting. They both claim nothing happened and they just wanted to catch up. I would be ok with that if that is how the situation played out. However when my boyfriend left the house he stated that he was going to the bar with some friends, which he did I saw them all leave together. But when he didn't return home when expected I got worried and went to the bar and saw him there with his ex and a few of their mutual friends. Upon my arrival he stated that I was being crazy and needed to mind my own business.. ( he was extremely intoxicated) I did not argue or cause a scene there I just returned home. He eventually came home to. But now I feel like there is a void and lack of trust. I don't care if he wants to catch up with his ex but there is a right time and place to do that. And in my opinion in the layer hours of the night at a bar is not a good place. Just looking for some insight on this.

rmb
rmb
Agree with you 100%. And I'm not a jealous, suspicious type person. It's completely plausible that nothing happened, but that's not the issue. It's a matter of respect. Respect for you and respect for the relationship. And, it's the lack of transparency. Lying through omission is still lying.

I would have been livid.
rmb
rmb
Did you try calling him before going to the bar?
zigz
zigz
I did and he didnt answer. So I kinda went into panic mode and went down to the bar.
zigz
zigz
I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt here and assume that nothing happened, it just hurts the feelers and makes it hard to trust anything going forward.
rmb
rmb
I know. It just sort of takes the shine off the trust. He should know how you felt though and it may be something you want to talk about with him when you're both in a good place to talk about things.
Landry86
Landry86
This is just for me personally: there is no reason to meet up with an ex... it's a total waste of mental energy. I would dump him just based on the fact that there's other things he could be doing with his time... same goes for going out and getting drunk ( but that is just me). I wouldn't want to deal with all this drama
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I think it was lying as well..... and mind your own business?????.... Why didn't he invite you to go and why the dishonesty.... I would be upset.... This is not going to help any relationship grow or thrive.... Big hug....xo
11Christmases
11Christmases
I think the way the ex screen shot you a message was very suspicious. How did the ex know that you wouldn't be invited? Why do you think you weren't invited, since it wasn't "just the guys"?
zigz
zigz
I knew I didn't want to go when it was just going to be the guys, the ex didn't show up until later. I thought it rather odd that she screen shot me the message like was she concerned for me or trying to stir the shit pot.
Landry86
Landry86
He had no right to call you crazy and to say that you should mind your own business. That's not right
zigz
zigz
Yeah it was uncalled for, we hades it out and have an understanding there is a lot of hell in that needs to happen but we both made out selves heard and feel heard, so I guess all there is to do is see how it plays out. There is going to be suspicion and he is aware but seems to be trying to make it better
zigz
zigz
Just wondering.... but how do you figure?
zigz
zigz
I believe everyone should be given a chance to right their wrongs, especially when the weong was carried out while under the influence. Idk maybe forgiveness and caring to much is a fatal flaw of mine. But I like to think that we all make mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance.
rmb
rmb
I think relationships hit bumps once in a while. Unless there's a history of shadiness, I think trying to work it out and come to an understanding is reasonable behavior between couples. Just stay aware.
zigz
zigz
We discussed things the day after once I had calmed down and he sobered up. As far as I know this is the first time something like this has happened. He apologized and I told him my doubts and suspicions moving forward. He said he understood and seems so far to be making an effort to ease my concerns. He said it was a stupid thing to do and I I didn't deserve to be talked to that way, and it was wrong of him to meet with the ex like that. I want to believe but it is going to be hard. We have overcame other obstacles in our relationship and I hope that we can work together and move forward from this. Thank you all for your input.
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