Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
You are welcome to read other entries in my Journal. This was yesterday. ~~~Went to church, dropped his Mustang off at the parsonage. Our pastor is in need of a car for a month while the transmission is fixed/replaced in h is car. So I suggested we loan one of ours; his Mustang, my Focus, and his truck. I was so embarrassed because when he gave our pastor the keys he mentioned an oil change was in need. Ugh. Of course he said 'no problem, I can get that done.' Talk about dropping a hint! I don't dare to tell him how I thought that went down. Anyway, we went to the pharmacy to pick up some hair and nail stuff, and milk. He said he would drop me off while he went to the grocery store; I told him there was milk at the store I was going to; he said nothing and dropped me off. He picked me up and I told him indeed there was milk at about the same price he probably spent. He said nothing. So, he asked me send a text to his son whose name begins with a 'W' . As I scrolled I saw a name of an old girl friend 'W' of whom I thought he erased 2 years ago. Of course I said, 'you still have her name in your phone? I thought you got rid of it.' He told me to erase it but told him it wasn't my place. I told him I wanted to tell him how I feel about all this, he begrudgingly said fine go ahead. I told him I thought he erased it 2 years ago and there was no need to have it; he said you're right she got married yesterday. They're friends on FB, apparently. WOW! I didn't anything else. He told me all I do is nag and bitch. I told him to pull over so I could get out of the car, I couldn't stand to be in his presence. I threw the phone at him. He didn't pull over, we went home. We made ourselves lunch, I went out to the back yard. He was going to his son's house and asked if I was going. I told him 'I hadn't planned on it, so no I'm not going'. I don't know what to do. I feel like he's wearing away at me little by little every day.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
We went into town to see a local parade. I had suggested a certain route because I had gone to a parade last year and knew of some parking. But he took another route. An arguement ensued because of blocked roads we couldn't get onto the Main St. like I had suggested. But because he took another route we couldn't get onto Main St. The parking spot we found was fine and all was good. As we were waiting, he said we wouldn't have been able to get onto Main St. because the review stand would have blocked the way I get into town, he couldn't let it go, he had to justify himself and call me wrong. I told him I knew of another way, but was willing to let it go. We enjoyed the parade and went home. Later on in the day I asked if we should I invite our neighbor to to the fireworks, and he said sure I could ask if she wanted to go with me. I asked if he was going, and he 'No' in a pouty manner. And said there are certain people who really bug him and they were people who asked him why he did certain things and suggest other ways. He was referring to me. Nice, huh? He said he was sick of my nagging; um...he kept bringing up the subject! We, I never went to the fireworks because it started sprinkling. The rest of the evening was very low key and cool toward each other.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
It was good day. It started out with an even tempered conversation of Wes' plans for the day, he didn't want to share what he was going to do because he was afraid of my reaction. I asked him, calmly, to share because it would cause tension for me. He said, 'Trust me'. I said I do, but there no reason to hold back. He planned on looking at a Ski Doo with a blown engine for $300. We have a Ski Doo with a great engine but has an awful shell/seat. He will do the restoring. I said fine, I appreciate the sharing. We are husband and wife, these things need to be discussed. I went to a Flea Market, did very well; bought some gold fish at the pet store, and bought some citronella candles to go with the patio set we bought. We met up with his son and girlfriend for pizza.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
It was a good day, nothing exceptional, no highs no lows. We discussed a motorcycle, I told him it was completely all him. He understood, and said we would discuss my trip to Japan to see my son. Compromise. I also brought up getting a dog. He agreed that getting a dog was all about US, and the motorcycle was all about HIM. He agreed. We also discussed the fact that we don't need 4 modes of transportation. He's looking at getting me out of my car lease; he has a truck and a mustang now maybe a motorcycle. Compromises.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Today was a good day. My husband was busy fixing generators and trading a couple for a snowmobile, so he was gone for most of the afternoon. I had a lazy day, took a 2 hour nap, had a couple of small meals, and went to a women's bible study for a couple of hours. The relationship between my husband and I are back to normal. I did tell him that after he gets this snowmobile running (needs to spend a little money to fix it), I want to go to animal shelter and adopt a dog. He didn't say anything nor did he show any emotion, just looked at me. We shall see.
Monday, June 29, 2015 | A Sad story
So we're reconciling after having moved to the other bedroom 4 days ago. I really wanted a dog for therapy. I have this need to nurture and my husband hates it. He asked what my pros and cons were, I had no cons. My pros were: something to care for, a pet would be good for walks to get us out more often, and can break up an otherwise very dull summer day, we could train it, have fun with it together. I asked for his pros and cons and he listed all kinds of cons, focusing on the negative like he always does ( I call him Eeyore). He said he had pros but didn't share them. He loves dogs, he has had a few. So, like I always do, I gave in with a very heavy heart. Within a minute of that decision he said he was going to buy a motorcycle. His words 'Well then I'm going to get a motorcycle'. WHAT!? I said. I told him I would not have anything to do with a motorcycle, it's not something we both would enjoy, only him.
I harbored this selfish ideal of his for a day, and something happened that broke the camel's back. It was another selfish act on his part, after putting his dinner plate away he walked off to the computer room. He didn't help me clean up nor did he ask. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him he was selfish and inconsiderate. He told me he wasn't my maid......and things went back and forth to the point where I told him I was done. I was going to take my portion from the checking account and leave. He tried to take my phone, we wrestled over it, I ended up putting it in my pants, he tried to get it from me and I screamed 'help' out the open window. He called me 'nuts' closed the window and tried to throw my laptop to the floor. He stole my debit card for fear of wiping out the account, he stole a store credit card and my government ID card. He never raised his hand to hit me, though I punched him in the arm. The emotional abuse can be awful. I couldn't find a letter my son wrote to me. I told my husband that I thought I lost it. He said he had it, he saw it on the table and put it 'away for safe keeping' . He knew how special that letter was to me, yet he hid it. I told him that that was emotional abuse, he said no he was keeping it safe, (lie). I told him it was bad enough that we fight but the abuse had to stop and he agreed. Well, well one small victory.
Monday, July 6, 2015 | A General Update story
I woke woke up this morning feeling VERY tired. I had a crazy dream about my mother which was exhausting in the dream, and then a crazy one about my son. I now have an intestinal bug which prevented me from taking a drive with my husband. He hasn't apologized verbally but has been very nice. I suppose I will never get a verbal apology from him, he apologizes through actions and works. Sigh.
Good Luck