One of the benefits of being in a relationship is learning important things about yourself and others, and building your confidence to be a wonderful partner. None of us does that perfectly, and we can make mistakes or do things purposefully that hurt ourselves and others. The learning curve for being trusting and trustworthy is pretty steep and makes a lot of us anxious in relationships.

Part of our history of male privilege puts added pressures on women to protect themselves from very real dangers. It is possible to over think and assume that a guy who seems wonderful has some fatal flaw that will emerge or be discovered too late, or that this fellow is actually so wonderful that you don't deserve him and over time he will discover a fatal flaw in you. If you don' t have a lot of red flag worries about his behavior and you have seen him in a variety of settings and see pretty consistent positive behavior toward you and other people, feel blessed that he sees wonderful things in you, too. What are your main concerns? Making some mistake that hurts you or him or your other friends or family? In most relationships we make the mistakes that help us learn to be better at caring loving and comunicating. Sometimes we spend a lifetime learning that together and sometimes we learn and move on. It sounds like you have an opportunity to love and learn. You have an opportunity to let this fellow show you with his listening how much he values you and your best ideas and deepest fears. If you need supports to make it through that discussion, how about getting a counselor? If you are planning a long-term relationship that might be a great investment in each of your futures.

Have a great adventure, and make wonderful mistakes.

Liam

I think I may have relationship anxiety or Intimacy anxiety. I don't want to break up but my mind says he deserves better than someone who is unsure questioning anxious and depressed. I feel like I literally am falling down the rabbit hole all the thoughts mostly negative are driving me crazy I feel like I am crazy feel like I would be better off dead since I can't function make a decision express or understand my feelings. I just want to feel happy and right now I feel like I am just existing in a fog

Stop torturing yourself. There is nothing you are going to just suddenly figure out. I know you have a therapy appointment coming up. That will help you start unpacking all of this. If you are suicidal please call someone immediately. There are resources available.

I won't do anything. I love my family too much to put them through that I want to live but do t feel like this is living

I try to stop torturing but my mind is in constant negative. I try to think of other things but boom just keeps looping to the same all over the place thoughts

Understood. What steps are you taking to try to redirect your thoughts? Have you tried exercise or activity just to reset a bit? Or meditating, even for a minute or two. I realize these are not going to address the actual issues but they may help temporarily, at least to help de-escalate some of the super heightened thoughts and feelings.

You mention this guy is expensive and this bothers you. What exactly does this mean? Are you feeling pressured to declare undying love for him at this early stage? My constant suggestion to help ease your racing thoughts and anxiety while you wait for your next counseling appointment is to journal with pen to paper about your thoughts. Write them down, don't censor yourself. Allow them to go to the paper and stay there. Do some mindfulness breathing or meditation afterwards. The act of writing things down changes our brain and switches us out of rumination if we let it.

About 6 years ago, I got divorced after a 24 year marriage and oddly enough, we get along better now then we did when we were married. When we see each other, we laugh and joke and are like best friends. I can do what I want, go where I want to go and I am enjoying life and enjoying being single again. Life is good!

God Bless

I know what you mean I was married once been single for 15 years now this new wonderful man came my life and there goes my anxiety and depression and what if thinking. To ruin me. I feel like I am self destructive. I will always be this way and he or anyone won't know what to do with me I don't know what to do with myself