She may be posting because his family and her children expect her to. Same goes for the picture in her wallet. If they had kids together, she might fell guilty failing to remember him. It might have nothing to do with you. Maybe she's honoring him in ways that are small inconsequential in her own mind because she honors you 365 days a year in the real world. Maybe she doing it out of guilt because she enjoys being married to you more. Who knows her true motivation. Even as close to our spouses as we are, it's sometimes difficult to tell why they do the things they do. I'd give her this one and just enjoy the marriage.

I am a widow and my HTB knows I have to keep the pictures etc, for the sake of my late husband and my son (he's 3). I have to post on fb because my DH had 2 children before ours so they'll always stay connected. HTB also accepted that the urn of his ashes are in my will that when I die our son gets them.

My HTB has gotten just as much love (if not a bit more) as my late DH had.

You shouldn't feel disrespected since she took another leap of faith in love and married you! And please don't take this the wrong way or a personal attack on you, but you knew who she was before you married her. You knew she'd always be connected to him some kind of way, especially if there's kid(s) involved. But like I said she married you as the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with and that means a whole hell of a lot!

Thank you for the response...I don't take your comments as an attack of any kind, and I would hope you don't see my comments as an attack either. I'm here to try and understand as best as possible. We all have a past...I get that...It's when she starts to bring the past into the present that makes me feel like she doesn't want me. I was married a long time ago for a few years. My ex and I always had a strained relationship and she had some mental health problems. It literally got to the point where I had to leave because I feared for my safety. Now that I am remarried, would it be appropriate for me to post a picture of us on our wedding day and say how much she is missed? To me that would not be honoring my present wife. Again I ask, why should a current spouse not receive the same committment that the previous spouse got? Isn't that what marriage is...two people saying "Hey...its me and you now...whatever has come before is in the past...you are my future" Instead it feels like "Hey...its me and you...and someone else from time to time...thats cool right?"

Oh wow ok I see what you're saying now. If she's not posting pictures as the benefit of the kid(s) and/or grandkid(s) but doing it just to do it, then no that's not fair to you. If she feels like that than maybe she should've given herself some more time to grieve/mourn/heal. Maybe you guys should start thinking about getting some kind of counseling to clear up/find a solution to this.

They had two kids together....we have a bunch of pics in their rooms etc. There are some cups and mugs with his picture on them that the kids use...they have blankets with his picture etc. They are too young for facebook...

The kids are now 9 and six. Their bio dad died four years ago...I get ansty when some sort of anniversary starts coming up...his birthday, their wedding anniversary, anniversary of his death because I just wait to see what she is going to say about another man for the world to see. He can't see it because he is gone, but the guy who has chosen to raise his kids as his own has to see it.

Maybe you should talk to her about how you feel. Maybe she is not fully aware of the effect it has on you

There may be some survivors guilt that she's felt.... I remember when my dentist lost her husband suddenly she was devastated

I had worked in the same clinic she was in for a couple of years so I knew her from working there as well as being a patient

A couple of years later she told me she was seeing someone and her face was red as if she was worried about being judged

I told her that once someone has loved that the chance of them finding love again was higher and that her husband was no longer in this world but she was and that it was important to live her life

I think when there are kids involved she won't want them to forget good memories again there can be guilt involved

There is also a good Widows and Widowers board on here that you might want to discuss this with??.... It may be helpful....

People are in all different stages of healing on there.... Some are actually remarried

I'll give you a link in case you're interested in it..... Big hug..... I agree that an honest conversation might help..... xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers