Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been dating the bf for 9 months. Hes 51 I am 38 so we are not exactly children. Last night was the 2nd big blow up we ever had, It was actually over something stupid and from what I can gather it was the straw that broke the camels back and there was other stuff bothering him. Would love it if any men are around to chime in on this one. He was over here last night fight started he stormed out after quite a few things were said mostly by him. When he stormed out to the car I followed. My mistake on that I should have let him go and just cool off. He got loud enough my 14 yr came to the door and freaked out wanting him to leave. My son has never really been around that because I don't raise my voice. It was bad but he did over react. I did call him when he was on the way home and he said a few things that got to me. One he told me "do you know how hard it is to be your boyfriend" and two he told me he almost called me after he left my house and told me to gather all the stuff he has over and he would be back to pick it up in the morning. SO I am torn at the moment. On one hand I feel like if he wanted to end it he would have done exactly that but he didn't so most likely he was just pissed and saying stuff. On the other hand I have this feeling there is about 90% chance this is over. Leads me to question 1. Have you ever been so mad that you felt like leaving said shit you really should not have but in the end did not and it work out OK. Question number 2 is about calling. I am dating the stereo typical man. Not saying all men are like this but mine is. He has in my mind a warped sense of pride. If there is a fight I need to be the one that calls. I don't have that "pride". I am not even sure if that is the correct word. Not that I don't have pride in myself and I am not a door mat I just feel that in the end the relationship is more important and who calls doesn't matter as long as someone does. Usually we have a tiff now and then I call an hour later all good. Also it should be noted that I can call him at anytime and usually within 1/2 hour he has called me back. Today has been different. I have called a few times so far and hes not picking up. This happened in the last big fight we had. I know he sees me calling. I also know he will eventually pick up but that he wont actually call me. My question is how much is to much. On the off chance he really is still pissed I don't want to keep bugging him but I also get the feeling from previous times he needs to know I am not giving up on us. As you can see we definitely have communication issues between us. I have a gut feeling this is it for us but on the off chance its not I do not want to push him away by either calling to much or not calling enough so he thinks I just don't care. All opinions are welcome.
If you have called, that's enough. This guy is 51, not 12. Let him go.
My son being scared is another issue but not what you might think. His father passed away when he was young. Because of my more subservient nature he has never seen any kind of fighting and it freaked him out when it did. I have had worse fights than last night with my husband when he was alive. I hate to say it but he needs to toughen up a bit and i think I have been maybe turning him a little soft.
As for the nine moths and two fights. I never really thought that was all that bad. I am curious if anyone else thinks 2 big fights in 9 months is awful. Beside those 2 fights everything is usually good. We have the typical minor over with in an hour things but usually no voices are raised.
I would see that as a red flag at this point in my life. That I had to be the one to typically apologize. I need to "meet in the middle" as it were.
From your description of the raised voices and how the fight was, I would consider it good that it was over and I wish you the best of luck finding someone better suited for you.
I don't know.. but that doesn't sound healthy at all.
Man or woman it's a good sign to see when we have made a mistake and to back down!!
If a man never backs down that does not make him strong and capable of taking care of you at all. In my opinion it would make him a stupid cave man.
Why do people always mistake kindness for weakness???
I call him a mindf**er. And I would let him take it somewhere else. If this type of crap happens over trivial stuff- then how would he handle a real crisis? Like if your son was really sick or in an accident? Would he just scream and yell?
Someone who flips out over nothing, puts you down, scares your kid- YIKES.
DO NOT CHASE THIS MAN.
Disrespecting a partner does not belong in any kind of relationship, screaming, yelling, storming out, saying hurtful things shows he lacks self-control and is disrespectful to you and your son. Being respectful to you at all times and that includes when the two of you have a disagreement, apologizing for poor behavior is not backing down.
We would be cutting him some slack if it were a very traumatic event or major stress, but over some random bit of trivia? People like that will suck the life out of you. Good riddance.
As for my son being soft he is. I have also let him get lazy. He spends most of his days in a room with video games, hardly ever sees the sun and unfortunately is overweight. The fight lasted less than 5 minutes from start to finish and him reacting that way worries me because in the real world everything is not always nice. All of that is my fault I know. When his dad passed away I stuck my head in the sand and had one heck of a time digging out. Could not say no to him and pretty much gave him what he wanted. In a perfect world guys could be all sensitive and talk about their feelings and maybe where some live they can but not here. Men here do not talk about feelings. Going down the highway most of the vehicles are trucks. Not talking pretty ones either but ones that are well used. Red neck blue collar worker type men. Don't even think about wearing pink. Unless someone dies don't even think about crying or the other guys would never let you you live it down and you'd be the sissy.