Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

Somewhat better

Debbip
Debbip

SO, when I got on here the other day and found this group I was literally at wits end.  My 13 yr Grandson was giving me fits and had been for weeks on end with no end in sight.  The day before yesterday, for some unknown reason, he decided it was time to cut me some slack and started behaving somewhat better.  I'll take whatever break I can get and be thankful for it.  Don't get me wrong, he's still difficult, just not on nearly the same level.  I've discovered that I'm too old to be dealing with an ADHD/ODD teenager, who I am starting to think is also Bi-polar....but what is a Grandmother to do when there is no one else fit to care for him.  His mother is an addict who abused him physically and mentally from his birth in 2008-2016 when he came to live with his Father, and she never taught him the proper way to do anything.  He never had consistent reliable discipline for bad behavior and still doesn't understand consequences even after all the years of being with us (me), because it wasn't instilled in him as a youngster (2-5yr).  His Father (who he adored) passing less than 2 full years after he came to us full time, was devastating.  His mother is an addict and contact is sporadic at best, and 8x out of 10 inappropriate (she sends him music videos that he shouldn't see and tells him that his little brother (11) slit his wrists), but I hesitate to cut her off completely.  I'll let him make that choice.    

arfie
arfie
Somewhere in my first parenting career I noticed that tending my own needs mellows me enough that my charges respond to my calmer frame of mind.

Here in the second year of my second parenting career, I am definitely feeling my 66 years and praying I have grown enough to work smarter instead of harder. The old bones can't handle harder work like they used to. My current charges are only 7, 5 and 2, but when they start fussing at me, I back off and ply some self-care before I do anything about the power struggle at hand.

I'm wondering if your taking the time to reach out here was inspired your grandson to give you a break. Just wondering. . . For sure, a little emotional support can go a long way in my tired old heart.

I'll be 72 when the oldest hits the terrible teens. 77 when the baby turns 13. **They** say God never gives you more than you can handle. Yo. . . God. . . Can you have a little less confidence in me this week?

Prayers ongoing. . .
nutsandbolts
nutsandbolts
My grandson was born with meth in his system. As he grew, he was very aggressive and no amount of reasoning was working. I refused to put him on meds! A friend of mine came out to visit. He is a black belt in Karate. He went around our area and found a school, My husband and I talked about it and we put our gs in karate. We also removed him from public school and placed him in a charter school This wasn't an overnight transformation, however he has learned to control his emotions, works out extra energy and most of all has learned self confidence. He will be receiving his brown belt next week! Other sports I tried just made the moves and everyone was a winner. Karate you need to work to move ahead. About two years ago he was to get his green belt and because of his attitude at home and at school, he was denied.
Debbip
Debbip
Karate is a wonderful way to teach self discipline, control, and gain self respect and confidence. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not have access to a decent Martial Arts School. And I don't believe that my GS would put any effort into it if we did. He wont put real effort into anything, even the video games that he supposedly loves so much. He plays them, but he doesn't work at getting any better at them. I took him out of the public school here this past year and home schooled him, best grades ever, but again, NO EFFORT. He puts no effort into any chores that he is given and just does the bare minimum to try to say that he did it, and usually has to do it over and over and over until it's done right. And I'm talking really simple stuff, like picking up limbs and sticks out of the yard so that it can be mowed, or washing a sink full of dishes that don't have food stuck to them. Then wants to throw around a bad attitude (stomping around, slamming doors, slamming stuff down) when he has to do it over, and crying like a baby when he gets in trouble over the attitude.
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