It sounds like you are having anxiety. I started having anxiety attacks when dd got pregnant the first time at 17. Try slow breathing or exercise. I had to go on meds to control it. Your apprehension is understandable.

We had court hearings with CPS and criminal hearings (boyfriend who abused gd was criminally charged)... Looking back I don't know how we survived it. At one criminal hearing the judge held up the photo of my baby's injury and I burst into tears-I'm weeping as writ this at the memory-I had to leave the courtroom and go home. I was hysterical it was horrible.

I too grieve for everyone, including my daughter. She is so screwed up that she choose the abuser over her own kids. I know she loves them and I love her so it just hurts. This is a heartache that will never end.

I'm sorry you are in this position..there maybe enough evidence from CPS that they won't need you to testify, that's what happened in our situation.

I'm going to pray for you and I know you are strong enough to do what you have to. (((((((hugs))))))

Nutsandbolts, I think it will ease your questions by saying that I'm about 100% sure that in-house rehab would not have worked. NOTHING works with addicts unless they "want to pursue sobriety with the same intensity that they pursued drugs/alcohol." Piny was in five residential rehabs -- two of which she had her babies with her. Even that reminder of young lives depending on her didn't do a thing.

It wasn't until she had nowhere to go and was hooking on the street that something clicked in her head. And even now it may not be permanent. It will take years before I am finally convinced that she's serious, although she certainly seems that way now.

And PInky couldn't walk away from ANY drug until she reached her bottom. Didn't matter if her kids died -- I think she would have still chosen the drugs. Horrible, isn't it?

So don't feel guilty -- you're doing the right thing by giving your grandchildren a good, stable, loving home!!!!

I'm hoping to get the kids back home, remember CPS wouldn't give them back to me after my health issue was resolved. We are fighting for this as well. I know we have a strong case against CPS as their reason not to give me the kids back...In reality, it never should have gone this far with them fighting me.

Sarha thanks for sharing the Pinky rehab story...I know it's up to the person, and yes we do not give my daughter anything anymore, not even support, cause she done had all we can give and abused it just like she abuses drugs. Energy is being placed on what we need to do to get them back and make a family.

Try to take comfort in knowing that if you do get them back, at least your daughter can still be a part of their lives. How much a part will be entirely up to you (praying you do get them back!!!) If you do not get them back, then that will be an entirely different and very sad story. My son is most likely going to lose his rights, too, along with the bio mother. This past weekend, the other grandma and the bio mom had him for a visit (grandma has to supervise bio mom and can't do overnights) and when they brought him home to me, he was sleepy and clinging to his mommy. It was really sad in a way, because I believe with all of my heart that she loves him very much, regardless of how bad she has messed up. I take some comfort in knowing that at least he will still be able to have her in his life; it will just most likely always be in a supervised environment. If the GKs were to be adopted by non-relatives, they would never see their parents again until they turned 18, and quite likely not see us either. Then again, depending on the decisions these bios make, we may choose to keep them away from them, too. At least there is a chance for them to be in their lives, though.

I had to testify against my dd at the permanency hearing too! HORRIBLE thing to have to do. But my dd did not do what she should have and chose drugs and a monster over these 2 beautiful girls.
The only advice I have is, don't play the what if game with yourself. YOU had no control! Your dd DID!! She could have done what she needed to do! SHE is responsible for her actions.

We were told we could let dd see the girls after the adoption was final but if we ever tried to give them back to her the state would take them again.

HUGS

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I'm feeling a little better, I get to see the kids today.

My husband and I get a late visit today, which is good for our work. I was told by DD that GD requested spaghetti with shacky cheese. I'll be making that for our dinner. My oldest GD is upset, she isn't allowed at visit and will need to eat alone.

Our hearing is Oct 3rd. and there're no more visits this month. I sat outside this morning and thought what if this is my last time seeing the kids? This sucks and I'm really trying to keep it all together!
My daughter will not get the kids back. I don't know when she's on that Meth and when she isn't. So if the courts give us the same ruling as they did for you Candsmom.. we have no problem with it.

I think the courts need to set limitations like that once we adopt the children. For 1 thing it will keep the bios off of the adoptive parents backs - it will keep the bios from getting any stupid ideas that they can somehow manipulate and get the kids back from the adoptive parents. I think the judge should also stipulate that the bios cannot move back in with the children and adoptive parents.

I"ve noticed that a lot of the bios are addicted to meth. I've suspected that my dd is addicted to something else other then marijana but not sure. I agree the courts need to protect the adoptive grandparents as well as the children. Unfortunately I will never have the previliege of adopting my gk's.

I just had my visit with gks. Gks were so happy to see us! We sat at the table and ate like a family. Gd even made the comment that tonights dinner reminded her of home, all visits have been during the day, so this is our first dinner since Feb.
The parent aide spoke a lot about court in front of the kids. Gd was listening,more was said by the parent aide than I ever said in front of and or to gd, which put my husband and I on these supervised visits...I just don't get it!
new sleeping arrangments at foster home. Get this, gd now has room to herself. fgirl moved into bio daughters room. fboy moved into master bedroom with my gs and foster dad. foster mom sleeps on couch. My gs now has a full size crib! Took all but 7 months to get him out of the travel sleeper! And the new caseworker will be.....the girl who came out to my house with the deputy of programs. This all takes place after the hearing,cause the witch who stated all this wants to be at the hearing cause she knows the case.

Hi nuts, I think what CPS's problem is that they believe if you get the kids you will allow your daughter to just either take the kids or be overly influential in their lives. Basically they don't think you will protect the kids from her. I sense from your posts that you feel very sympathetic towards her which is understandable but I think CPS is interpreting it as you are her ally. Does that make sense?

Our GAL told us that if she thought we would ever let our daughter be alone with the kids she would not agree to us having custody. I do live my daughter but made it very clear to anyone who would listen that I would never put the gk needs above hers, even if that meant I never see my daughter ever again, and I meant it.

I am so sad for you and the kids..I know they miss you! The foster home sounds like a total joke. I don't think it is appropriate for the foster dad to sleep in the same room as the kids...but that is just me.

I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

I can see your point Mysteyinc if that was the case...I can feel sad about what has happened and in that guilt I can also question out loud, I f I or CPS did something different would there be a different outcome? The point was made by Sara what my logic has told me all along...It was up to my daughter. Sometimes our thoughts need to be validated.
I was only spoken to once by the first case worker in how I feel regarding the kids and my daughter. This happened a year ago, the old caseworker came to an understanding and said he was pleased to see I have the kids best interest up front first. I have denied my daughter access to the kids on my own when I felt it was needed. The old caseworker knows this, but he's no longer with CPS. The problem is CPS doesn't read notes or case history. The new caseworker didn't communicate with me, and I can prove both caseworkers did not communicate with their Supervisor/APM. Lack of communication goes a long way with making assumptions, and that is the worst possible way to run a CPS office who is granted in making decision for children...which have been very poor so far.

I have no doubt that you have the kids' best interest at heart. That should be clear to everyone based on all the hoops you have jumped for them.

It would be unthinkably tragic if you lost them. CPS doesn't seem to have a good plan for these kids other than you. What the heck are they trying to accomplish? Who benefits if the kids don't go home to you? It's beginning to look like they have a vendetta against you.

CPS was hostile and terrible to us too until we hired a private attorney, then they were very accommodating. What is accomplished by being combative with the grandparents? I'm so glad our CPS involvement is over, hopefully yours will be to. Is the hearing on 30th to see if you can have the kids back?

Hearing is on Oct 3rd. They do have a vendetta against me. I have proof on this, which will be brought up in court, and there is no way they can wiggle out of it. The dates now would be showing they were just covering their a$$. I stuck up for myself to the caseworker, when she started to go off on me about my daughter, I was having chest pains and asking for her assistance. I told her that my daughter has nothing to do with this, that it was about me and my health and whats best for the kids and I right then. I needed her assistance and I don't want to talk about what my daughter has or hasn't done, or how large her (the caseworker) case load is. That's when it all of this started with the caseworker being against me. I hurt her feelings and by doing so, she took it out on the kids and has been trying her hardest to take it out on my husband and I. She didn't stay professional, she put her ego first.

So happy to hear you have a solid case! Can you, or you probably already have, file a formal complaint? I don't know if any good it will do...if you are like me, once our case was resolved I just wanted to be done with it and move on.

I did file a formal complaint to the Director of Programs of CPS. They sent a two people out to my house... Those two people said they saw a lot of cracks in this case. They told me I was the reason they had a meeting with all APM regarding written safety plans to all kin and also for monitors (which is what I was at the beginning). so in July the judge orders a UA and follicle test on my daughter. At the Aug 3 hearing we all get the results with the judges apologies that his office didn't send them out. The test came back positive for Meth, Op and THC. The next day I get a knock on the door from CPS. They were investigating a call they received from the previous day, which was the same day of the hearing. The concern was that my oldest daughters bedroom did not appear to be that of a little girls. Also in the report was possible endangerment due to me allowing my oldest GD to go to a few visits with my daughter to see the kids. I get a call from the parent aide just after the investigator leaves telling me they should not have given permission for my GD to go to the visits because they knew my daughter wasn't calling or doing her UA's. ( Which is considered automatic positive) I didnt put my GD in harmThey did, by allowing her permission to go to the visit. CPS knew my daughter wasnt dropping her UAs. CPS should have denied the visits. Called me told me dd wasnt doing UAs, something! Because they did allow the visits I was under the impression everything was going good. I have a letter from the investigation that the case against me is closed. Long story is, the person I went to for help in getting this matter cleaned up, went and placed a call into the hotline about my GD bedroom, because she couldn't think of anything else to harass me with. The Caseworker and or Supervisor who was at court that day called in the results of the UA. Yesterday I found out the other person that was at my house with the DOP is going to be the new caseworker. Your right I want this over with, I want CPS out of my life and my GKs life for good.