Nutsandbolts has a good idea.

When Pinky's here on weekends, I'm often tempted to "make life easier" because I, too, am a pushover sometimes. Pinky might want me to drive her and the kids somewhere, for instance. I usually try to say "no," because Pinky needs to realize that she needs her own car if she wants to be Super Mommy. I no longer feel any guilt at all, asking her for the kids' lunch money each month. Pinky needs to see how expensive it can be to raise children. She thinks she can do it, but she isn't doing it all -- what a shock she would get if for some reason she got all three back!!!

If your stepdaughter wants to be Mommy, let her be Mommy -- with ALL that entails. Let her see the stress, the burden, the expense in full force. Once she experiences all of that with virtually no help from anyone else, she might have to face reality.

Hi Nutsandbolts - the kids are 2 & 4 years old, they go to a spanish immersion school Mon-Thursday from 9-12. Usually I take them to their mom a one hour drive on Thursday evening and most times I pick them up on Friday, lately since the filing she has kept them through Saturday morning a couple of times through Sunday, and yes my husband and I do all the back and forth driving. I have everything recorded, this year alone the kids have spent 40 nights with her, with is about 1.5months, they have spent the other 7.5 months at home with us. So I would hardly call her a "mother", she's more like a helpful aunt, and not an aunt I would choose to leave my kids with if I had a choice. I agree with everything GrannyApple saids, that's exactly what my SD needs. If you guys only saw her in court, in her low cut top, big smile, looking over to me while she spoke to the judge, telling him how much she loves us, it would make you sick. She skipped out of the court room. I know I have to have the courage to let the kids go just so that she can fall on her face. Unfortunately this one is street smart she would figure out a way not to get caught.

If she's really into drugs she will get caught sooner or later. She'll just get worse, and she could do what Pinky did -- go out to get high and leave the kids with a boyfriend, who won't want them around. Hopefully he won't want them around...

Nutsandbolts - I like the way you think!

Diana - it will be hard but this girl has really taken advantage of you all. I suspect like everyone else that if she is faced with being a full time mom and all that entails she may change her mind.

I know it is hard hold her accountable because the kids may suffer (been there done that) but you guys can't really keep going on like this, the only one it's good for is the stepdaughter.

Just think about what we are saying. Your SD has the best of both worlds right now. It's going to come down to her falling when you are not in the courts system, or allowing her to fall while you're still in the courts system?

Good Luck!

I would stop the transporting of the kids immediately. If she wants to visit the kids let HER pick them up and take them home. You should not be spending your gas and time doing this. This "Mother" has it SO easy. No wonder she loves this arrangement. She doesn't have to lift a finger to do anything...Oh AND she's getting section 8, food stamps, etc.,? I'd report that IMMEDIATELY. See what happens when she doesn't have those things. It's called frauding the systems. Her kids live with you so she is not entitled to those services. If you don't report it, it's another way of enabling her.

Why have you felt like you needed to transport the kids for an hour each way for visits all this time? If it's guilt, then remove that thought from your system. Has she manipulated you or threatened to take her kids if you don't? If so, let her threaten that and tell her to come pick them up.

I thought of you this evening.

Pinky takes over from me from Thursday evening until after church on Sunday. She's SOOOO excited to play Mommy, and says she can't wait to get "her" kids back full time.

So today before dinner she started complaining that her back was killing her because she's getting her period. So she went to lie down. The kids asked me when the dinner I made would be ready. I thought about it for two seconds, then told them to go get their mom.

Oh, Pinky did NOT want to serve dinner to "her" kids! She had a sore baaaack! She whined and moaned, and I just let her keep going. Finally she said something to me, and I said, "Pinky, this is what you have to do when you have three kids. Unless you have a 104 fever you have to be there, being mom. Get used to it."

That's when I thought of you, and how you've been driving your stepdaughter back and forth. I think she needs to get the full-fledged, full-time Mommy treatment :-)

grannyapple thank you for your response, I'm really glad to be a part of this group. To hear everyone echo the same sentiment is a wake up call. You guys have no idea what I've done for this "mother". When I heard her speaking to the judge yesterday about how "great" the arrangement was working and that she had "no idea" why now after all these years we were filing for guardianship. Also we have reported to the investigator that she has been committing Welfare Fraud.

I have to say that I'm really surprised and proud of the fact that many of you seem to do a good job about putting your foot down. I have a strong feeling that things will work them selves out. I don't know what that looks like, but they will. For me filing for guardianship was a hugh deal. I felt like I was betraying her. Also, how I came to take and pick up the kids was that I worked in her area, but two years ago I quit my job and took a local job. Now I spend at least 6 hours a week on the road transporting these kids. Not to mention everyother Sunday taking them to spend time with thier father who will not sign the consent for guardianship. In his words "I need to think about myself, I'm my only advocate if I sign the consent form, I would be shooting myself in the foot and losing any chance of getting full custody". Oh and did I forget to say that he was in a recovery program until about 2 weeks ago and had a relapse. Really we would the reason why we wouldn't get custody. I

Again, writing down what I've been doing for these two so called "parents", is really begging to be an eye opener.

Hi Sarah, thank for thinking of me:-) I think you're right. She's a work of art. What keeps me from handing the kids over to her is the love and concern I have for them. I'm so afraid that something would happen to them. One day I dropped the kids off, this was a couple of years ago, and I forgot to leave something (I can't remember) for the kids. My husband and I turned back as we were driving up to the apartment complex, we saw our SD outside (she lived in the second floor of the building), with her friends smoking a cig. As I approached her I said were are the kids. She signaled "upstair", I ran up to find my gd strapped in her high chair eating a chicken leg, and the newborn baby in a room. She didn't even bother to follow me upstairs. Of course I told her to please go upstairs that leaving the kids alone was not safe. I really don't think she gets it. But I know I have to let go of that. She is thier mother and it's becoming very clear to me that this battle might not be one we'll win.