Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
Reading about the one year anniversary of the death of the eighth grader Lawrence King and Osteoron's recent post "Has it happened to you?" got me thinking about where is the line between standing up for ourselves as gay people who feel we should have nothing to hide and forcing our orientation, for lack of a better word, on the straight world? I think some of this is probably relative to where you live--I don't know if Lawrence King's overt expression of himself was perhaps in his best interest considering his age and environment.
My experience with straight people--even the ones who claim the most liberal views--is that they support gay rights in the abstract but would really rather not know too much about specific details, if you know what I mean. It seems to make them uncomfortable. I can understand this--I get uncomfortable around straight people going at it in full view of others. I guess I'm puritanical, but I think some things should remain private. But private should not equal closeted either.
I work in education, and sometimes I overhear the young kids I work with interject put downs to each other along the lines of, "Oh, that's so gay." I wonder, should I say something? Is saying something tantamount to coming out? Do I want to open that can of worms? Is this the appropriate environment for that given that the college I work for is pretty conservative? Again, it accepts gayness in the abstract but not in the specific.
Similarly, sometimes I wonder if the big gay pride events every June do more damage than good--they seem to send the message that being gay is about primarily hedonistic pursuits--overly pumped, near naked gym boys bumping and grinding in a summertime bacchanalia--at least this is what the media choose to focus on, so, for better or worse, that's probably what the straight world comes to associate being gay with.
It's a slippery slope, I think, trying to figure out what the ideal balance should be. Sometimes I feel complicit in homophobia by remaining silent, but I don't think being some kind of gay martyr is the most politically sensible option either given my social and professional environment. My experience with other gays where I work--including the obviously gay dept. chair--is not to speak up, to profess one's sexual preferences openly is okay as long as that's all it is--the details need to be kept to oneself.
Anyways, I'd be interested in hearing how others handle this sometimes precarious balancing act.
My experience with straight people--even the ones who claim the most liberal views--is that they support gay rights in the abstract but would really rather not know too much about specific details, if you know what I mean. It seems to make them uncomfortable. I can understand this--I get uncomfortable around straight people going at it in full view of others. I guess I'm puritanical, but I think some things should remain private. But private should not equal closeted either.
I work in education, and sometimes I overhear the young kids I work with interject put downs to each other along the lines of, "Oh, that's so gay." I wonder, should I say something? Is saying something tantamount to coming out? Do I want to open that can of worms? Is this the appropriate environment for that given that the college I work for is pretty conservative? Again, it accepts gayness in the abstract but not in the specific.
Similarly, sometimes I wonder if the big gay pride events every June do more damage than good--they seem to send the message that being gay is about primarily hedonistic pursuits--overly pumped, near naked gym boys bumping and grinding in a summertime bacchanalia--at least this is what the media choose to focus on, so, for better or worse, that's probably what the straight world comes to associate being gay with.
It's a slippery slope, I think, trying to figure out what the ideal balance should be. Sometimes I feel complicit in homophobia by remaining silent, but I don't think being some kind of gay martyr is the most politically sensible option either given my social and professional environment. My experience with other gays where I work--including the obviously gay dept. chair--is not to speak up, to profess one's sexual preferences openly is okay as long as that's all it is--the details need to be kept to oneself.
Anyways, I'd be interested in hearing how others handle this sometimes precarious balancing act.
What I'm trying to say is that he may be seeking validation of his identity different from the world around him. Defining himself through seemingly negative input (through the girls insipid cliche) may be the only outlet he has for defining himself because no one has shown him an alternative. (Not too out of the norm IMHO). I'd encourage you to assist him in finding validation of himself through his own uniqueness and identity and put all the other political influences aside. Being in the "position of authority" in this situation, I can understand why you feel both empathy and the necessity to put some distance between you and your students. Isn't this incident really about the kid? and not the way YOU feel about it personally? A slippery-slope indeed.
And I'm sorry that you were the victim of harrassment. We should be here supporting each other, not attacking each other.