Because - I know your appointment I'll go great. I can see from your posts how thoughtful you've been about approaching the surgery and how supportive you are to all of us.

You know what, when I get all dressed up, I really don't see this person that the doctors refer to as obese. I have always carried myself well and I love glamour so looking good has always been a no-brainer for me (Thanks mom). But then all these aches and pains started to rear their ugly head, blood pressure, diabetes, and the inability to move without pain and I was made to confront that person who was causing all of this to happen. I think if age and ailments hadn't kicked in I could have survived being a big beautiful woman, but God knows I'll never make it now - it's time to face reality, and do something about this while I have options.

I do get what your saying and can identify with those moments. I just pray I can deal with a smaller me the way I've dealt with who I am now psychologically. Fear of the unknown can be a "hot mess", but stay tuned cause here we come.

Becca, I used to deny my obesity...until I saw a picture...and yet I knew I was. It was totally a dichotomy.

Wishing you the best on your journey to the best version of yourself!!

((hugs))

JJ

Oh I totally can relate with what you say. Some days I walk so freely, so lightly and I move and almost dance I feel so good = then I catch sight of this short morbidly obese woman and -SHOCK - it's ME! I don't feel like that tired fat old lady with the grumpy face. One day the ouside will reflect what I feel inside.

Interesting post! I think I've felt all those things at some time. Recently, someone asked me how it felt to be a normal weight. The answer I gave was that I felt like I had myself again, like the years I spent in a fat suit were not really me.

In many ways, that's really true. I wasn't being truly myself and so I became fat. Hmmmm. That's the psychological slant. Of course, there were physical challenges as well. But I wonder sometimes, if I would not have had to face those physical challenges if I had been doing what makes me happy and living the life I want to live....

Now I'm rambling.... bottom line is that it's a good thing to dig through all these questions and examine all those feelings and attitudes that play hide and seek in our psyches. :)

Are you in my head???
Could've wrote this word for word!!
Would try to always be the funny one, thought it would distract from my body and show I was " a happy person"
So the opposite :(
Now I'm finding a true happy me

My only regret is that I listened to others words and didn't do it sooner. I knew I was fat and I didn't like myself. So my wardrobe was bigger shirts, bigger sweatshirts and loose black pants. I couldn't stand jeans because they had a number. People told me not to do and do it on my own(HELLO like i've never tried that before) and I did try and have done everything I could drink, take as a pill, starve, workout and anything else that someone gave me the idea for but obviously it didn't work. Now when I see someone I know or don't know with the same struggle and gain the weight back I think i'm never going to where I was. No my friends don't know about my surgery but when they ask what i'm doing I say lots of water, smaller meals, protein, working out and no more pop or junk food. Its not a lie I just leave out the part of me having surgery.

Good luck and be excited for another new chapter in life

Really a thought provoking post! Speaking for myself I do question why food was my drug of choice? Why did I put on the insular "fat suit"? What was the stimulas that finally made me take steps to remove it?
These are just a few of the questions swirling around in my head and for most I have found the answer, and some I am still on a journey of self discovery. d

I can totally relate! I knew I has fat and overweight, but I thought if I continue to dress up and try to hid the fat then I would be ok.. even today weighing in at 187 i am still considered obese with the bmi calculator.. it's hard to think that I let myself get so big, but I always had an excuse for myself.. I still have to do a double take when I look in the mirror bc I can't believe that is me in the mirror!! :) You have really thought about everything in your journey to surgery, you are gonna do great!!

I guess I feel kind of conflicted here (preop) ... I've already lost a good deal of weight but I'm not yet of normal weight, so I'm kind of in the middle of my past and future "me's", if that makes sense.

I'm painfully well aware of how large I still am but sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window and think "gosh, you look pretty good!" and sometimes (especially in the gym, where I feel like a turd in the punchbowl) I always feel inadequate and uncomfortable - and I can't remember that I've lost 95 pounds...I can only think about the 70 more I need to lose.

I think it's like the clothes we wear: I'm a different "me" in an evening gown than I am in jeans and a sweater.

One of the strange phenomena I'm experiencing involves my "fat glasses.". I seem to have no idea how much space I take up because in my mind I'm not 235lbs - I'm still 330.... So I'm still looking at every chair in the room before I decide where to sit, and balked at a ride at Disney World in December because I was sure I wouldn't fit (even though I know I rode it 40lbs ago).

Excellent post, I totally relate. We were in a hotel last weekend and since the mirror goes way lower than at home I complained to my hubby how fat I still am. 43 pounds down and I was expecting to see thin I guess. My husband said you really don't know how big you were do you? I guess I lived in denial for many many years pretending to be something I wasn't. Now with 80 pounds to lose, it's time to get real. I can't wait till my insides and outsides match.

I have always been the Big Guy and I really thought I never had a problem with it. My favorite saying was; "I'm just a fat kid trying to get along in the world." My friends would always laugh. I never thought I had a poor body image because I needed my body to play football and with that came perks. So I never had the an incentive to lose weight.

My incentive now is as I have gotten older and the weight has become a burden and it is difficult to keep up with my son and that is unacceptable.

I have lost 67 pounds and I do not see a change, of course I know that's in my head. I am obsessed with seeing my reflectoion (no not an Adonis complex lol), but I want to see what others see. Funny part now is I wonder what they saw before this Journey began.

I will one day be the athlete I once was!

I used to ask my husband "am I as big as that woman?"'like it was a line in the sand: I would certainly need to do something about it if I were as big as her.

Now I'm asking the same question because I'm trying to see what I look like, and the answer is always no - that person is much Niger than me. I really haven't come close to pinpointing someone who's my size.

But as to my size playing with my head, I have no issues there. Any unhappiness or regret stems from other issues.

Great questions? I really want to participate in this one.
I was overweight my whole time as a kid and teenager and young adult.
Back in 1981 I was working very very hard at losing weight; I wanted to go into the Military. Well come March, 1982 I did it. I was enlisted at 154 lbs.
It took all I had to get there but I did it. Of couse while in the military you exercise, but when you get stationed, you are also working and not doing all the same physical activity as you had been doing during Basic Training. I would say in a matter of 1 month 1/2 I was up to 170. Yup, the weight started coming back because like I said you and now working and only do P.T in the morning.
It was at this time of my being at my lowest weight that that was who I was; not this obese person I have lived with for the last 26 years. I can't wait to lose her.

Your going to be great Becca. My psych eval was just to be sure I understood what surgery I was having and new the pros and cons of it. Onward you go girl.

I can so relate and to make it worse my husband saw me as is was and not what I had become. So to him I was not fat, yet I saw what I had become but at times didn't believe it because it was contrary to what o heard. Now what I hear is the same as what I see. So glad I had the surgery...now getting used to new me is the challenge everyday.