Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
One of the things I struggled with for the first few months of being GF was resisting the urges brought on by that not-so-little voice telling me that "It's Ok to go just once. Just bring a little money with you, this time will be different. This time you will know when to leave. This time you will know when to stop.You'll just have fun! "
I tried to ignore that voice, but it got louder and louder.
So I had to argue back:
My internal responses to that voice were:
"One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I don't want to be crazy anymore"
"I have no brakes. I wouldn't get into a car with no brakes and expect to make it stop by sheer determination"
"Look at these bank statements!( Highlighted the casino withdrawals) just look at how much I've lost!"
What are your arguments back to that obnoxious voice? What does the angel on your one shoulder say to the devil on the other that is trying to get you back to gambling? Please add them to this thread, as they may help everybody who is struggling with those first few weeks/months when the Stinkin Thinkin is loudest.
I tried to ignore that voice, but it got louder and louder.
So I had to argue back:
My internal responses to that voice were:
"One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I don't want to be crazy anymore"
"I have no brakes. I wouldn't get into a car with no brakes and expect to make it stop by sheer determination"
"Look at these bank statements!( Highlighted the casino withdrawals) just look at how much I've lost!"
What are your arguments back to that obnoxious voice? What does the angel on your one shoulder say to the devil on the other that is trying to get you back to gambling? Please add them to this thread, as they may help everybody who is struggling with those first few weeks/months when the Stinkin Thinkin is loudest.
Me-"One more trip will just draw me in. If I win, I'll want to go back, and if I lose, I'll want to go back to chase my losses. I've already HAD my grand finale. I'm DONE."
Me-"Yeah, I remember the thrill. I also remember the hopelessness, the despair, the depression, the shame and the stress of not being able to pay my bills! Those feelings aren't worth the "thrill" of a stupid win that I would lose back anyway."
I also had 2 thousand dollar wins in a short period, but I have at least 8 thousand in losing tickets sitting in my drawer. I used to carry them around in my purse, they were heavy, and took up most of the space, so it was a constant reminder of how much I had lost in comparison to what I had won.
Stinkin- "C'mon, it's just a scratch ticket, just a few bucks, you could win thousands! What's the harm?"
Me-"The harm is in the fact that I have rotten judgement when it comes to buying these damn things, just look at the stack of losing tickets! It's a greased slide for me, I will find something else to get my pulse racing, something that won't leave me broke and depressed!"
Me- "Yes, I know there are people who can handle their gambling. I AM NOT ONE OF THEM! I'm addicted to the thrill. That addiction turned me into a liar, a sneak, a person I don't want to be. I wish I could be one of those reasonable gambling people, but I'm NOT. I am, however, a decent person who is fighting to get free of the compulsions that have dictated my behavior for way too long. So don't throw those moderate gamblers in my face, because I'm not one of them!"
Me-"I have to start somewhere, and here's where I begin digging myself out instead of digging deeper in. And I've won before! Didn't end up keeping the winnings, did I? Kept thinking I would "hit" again. And no one is ever "due". It's all RANDOM. That's what the social gamblers know that *I* didn't. They were pleasantly surprised when they won, while I *expected* to win. I'm not due for anything except to beat this addiction and get rid of you, Stinkin Thinkin!
Me- There are MILLIONS of people who have exciting, full lives who have never stepped foot in a casino, who never think about gambling at all, who just look at it as "throwing money away". They use that money, the money I"VE "thrown away" to finance exciting and pleasurable things in their lives! I was filling a void, and I will find something else, something non-destructive and non-soul killing to look forward to doing. I'm not buying a damn snuggie, and choosing to be GF is a new *beginning*, and the only thing that's OVER is acting upon a self-destructive compulsion to gamble my life away.
"the Voice"
i nvr knew about the voice. till it literally started talking to me
I was always one who was so together.. scoffed at others with addictions
drug alcohol or other wise
as if I was "better than"
well Im not.. I felt as low as the lowest after dealing with this
gambling Bull shit
..The one last trip;.. it will be your Grand finale..
the.. Try and win back some money.
the..I deserve it for all I do
or I deserve it. because my kids treat me like crap. or my parents. or extended family or my boss
or Ive nvr done anything for myself before.. so whats the big deal
well it is a big deal..
a very big deal..
and one we all put a muffle onthe voice..
gain control of our life and yes relaize.. that. I guess social gamblers are surprised if they win
I felt.. and I know you all might laugh at this..
that God might bless me.. yes I know. start laughing now
that God would give me money in this way..
like I was special.. or I deserved it after all the pain I had endured
I know it sounds crazy.. but once YOU really verbalize.. what drives U to gamble..
U can stop it or at least get help
I dont deserve to win money at a casino..
its not some secret little place for me to go to get money
its a secet place for me to go to LOSE money
get upset
and feel like Shit.. and I mean feel terribl after.. and so.. thankyou for posting this..
I will read and read this over and over..
God Bless us will clear minds and Sanity to walk out of the LIES of Casinos and Gambling..
So for you to think God was leading you there to win is just a variation on that craziness that we all have experienced as CG's.
Stinkin-"It's just a matter of time before you get the payoff! If you quit now, you'll never reap the benefits of all the time and money you've spent"
Me-"That's crazy, Stinkin. And I'd have to be crazy to believe that. And I am not going to be crazy anymore."
Dewit-I used to think I could just spend a few dollars and take the rest to the store, too. Never happened. Ever.
Stinkin-" Just take $20 and play for a few minutes. It will ease the urges, wean you off of gambling. and what's $20 going to hurt?"
Me- I know $20 will just whet my appetite. I'll leave dissatisfied, and will end up going back later with more money, or spending all the grocery money right then and there! My brain is wired to respond to the thrill just as much as the coke addict is responsive to cocaine. I'm as addicted as they are, we just "hit" on different things. So feeding that addiction with $20 will not be relieving any pressure, it will just leave me wanting more.
Me-"I'm as bad off as I want to get. So some people go everyday, and I just go once or twice a week. The damage I can do in one hour is amazing. And if I could leave a few hundred up, I would have done it before. And that big hit is a fantasy. I'm not living in fantasy land anymore."