For me, dwelling on the numbers turned into another addiction for a while. It wasn't helping. It only made me angry and kept my mind in a frenzy. And for me, feeling frenzied makes me want to gamble. It got to the point where I had to literally say "Stop" - either out loud if no one was around, or to myself if I was in public - when I found myself fretting over bills, doing the math relentlessly over and over, etc. Just saying the word "Stop" gave me enough of a pause to remind myself to take a breath and do something else - almost anything else - rather than obsess about my finances. Eventually it gets better, but the thing is, this process of recovery takes time, and we gamblers are generally not patient. We want results now. That's another idea I've had to let go. Best advice I got when new to recovery was don't try to tackle everything at once. Just breathe, and do the next right thing.

3 days since my rock bottom. I think I have accepted my losses. I also realized that if I was normal I wouldnt have gambled that much. No person in their sense would gamble 15k particularly when that money was very important.

I am trying to build up a new perspective towards life slowly..

Great job getting to 3 days. It's a start! Have you looked into GA meetings? This path is much easier with a support group.

axb8gl, 3 days, you’re taking the first steps to a better way of living and thinking. I know my emotions were raw at that stage, and they still are at times. I use the “stop” technique that yes2recovery wrote about, and when the going gets tough, I ask myself what’s the next right thing that I can do. I love the next right thing.

Thanks yes2recovery and jasonl.
I have now terrible mood swings since leaving sports betting. May be bcoz I spent 6 long months thinking and placing bets and now my mind is settling in.

I am really angry with myself, have cursed GOD everyday. Though with each bet I used to pray that if I win this, I wont bet again and each time I won I did bet pretty straightaway. I became such a shallow person that I was betting while my son was in hospital emergency. I really cannot forgive myself for why I took such a big monetary risk.

Not sure when I will get over this. I am really pathetic and depressed..

My most regrettable memory of gambling is how I let my kids down. I always thought of myself as open with my kids, listening to them and giving the best advice I could. But I let them down in more ways than one when I was gambling. I know how badly it hurt me, and it haunts me to this day, I won’t lie to you. I’m trying to learn not to be so hard on myself. I hope you can do the same.
Today I will not gamble

axb8gl,
Your story is very familiar to mine. It is crazy how similar the thoughts can be no matter what the type of gambling was. I bet on sports just like you. My first bet online was betting the props for a Super Bowl. I was hooked from then on. I loved to bet on football. Once football was over I wanted to keep the action going and started betting baseball. I was betting on games I didn't even care about just to stay in the action. I even bet on tennis and other things. I also played cards in person and online. The online action was my worst enemy in terms of convenience. I could play anywhere anytime. I became an excellent liar because of gambling. I managed to keep it a secret for many years and several credit cards maxed later. My wife finally found out the debt I had racked up just as I was about to start using a new credit card. I am thankful she found out before I started digging that hole too. I was the one who managed our finances so it was easy for me to hide it. I still manage our finances, but things are different now in that she keeps a close eye on balances. I could totally identify with you on your betting style. I would bet cautiously and build up a bankroll until it was big enough I felt like either I was a big shot or I needed more of a rush. I could make a substantial amount disappear in no time that had taken me weeks or months to build up. I would then chase my losses with more deposits. It was a vicious cycle. The first few weeks were the worst for me because I had to find new hobbies and ways to spend my time that I would have spent gambling. I had to keep myself busy. It does get easier. I can assure you. I placed my last bet on 10/6/16 and I owe it all to the GA meetings. I am not one to open up about my feelings but it did help me. It helps me today to hear about people still struggling and it reminds me that it hasn't gotten any better out there in the gambling world. I thank you for sharing. Much of what you said really hit home for me. I will be thinking about you and hope that you stay strong. You're not alone. We all share the same problem no matter what led us here. Stay strong! You can do it

There is software that will block your computer from going on gambling sites. There are several brands, one is GamBlock - a few people in my face 2 face group have used software to stop gambling on line.

You might try writing out a goodbye to gambling letter, including all the anxiety, pressure and sadness as well as reasons why you want to quit. It is a great tool to reread in the future and can kill an urge if well written.
Read up on other posts about what can help. Just trying to work the numbers like it is another gambling game will likely end in failure. We need far more than white knuckle control usually to get to longer stretches of abstinence.
We need other hobbies, usually, a spiritual relationship with a Higher Power and we need friends/support from real people.
Fight with everything you have and fight for your life here - throw every tool you have at this. You will need to in order to free yourself......
I won't be gambling today

Thank You Skip, your words are so soothing and give me hope!!

Had a relapse out of boredom and I started gambling again. I thought that I start small and will keep it small. Money started to flow and within 2 weeks I made AUD 6000. This morning I got bore with betting lost 400 on a tennis game and lost winnings of 6000 and then another 10000.

This us now happening for the past 10 years that I meet my daily winning target every day and then one fine day loss all my winnings and pile up more losses. My loss now stand at 50000 dollars and for once and all I have decided that I am out of this addiction. Good that it was all savings which I want to save again in another 15 days.

I will be positive this time that I will never think of the losses and consider this my last and final lesson that I cannot win in gambling. I cannot manage my losses.. A loss of 25$ triggers loss of 10k. I am done now..

Please pray for me. I need prayers

My humble opinion is what you need is to accept that whatever you win it does no good because you can not and will not ever keep it. The brutal question is how is that working out for you?

what is the point of winning since you never able to use the money. i admire you as at least you can set a daily winning goal, but at the end it will be the same.
Maybe tomorrow or next month, next year you keep winning, but answer this "will you be able to spend it?" if not then it is just a number, you can write some number on the paper it is the same isn't it?.
I lost so much, that even 200,000k win in one day is still not enough, and it suck to be me.

If I could ever have built up a gambled "savings" I do not remember when that was true for me. Repeating that anxious cycle for the rest of life is NOT what I want to aim for. Winning was only more fuel for me to gamble as my intent was to gamble as long as possible, which eventually is the downward spiral all compulsive gamblers are sucked into, I think.
If you are serious about stopping the compulsive gambling cycle you will find ways to put roadblocks between you and your money. Look at your relapse as an opportunity to make a better relapse prevention plan. Where did your last plan fail? How can you make it stronger? What triggered your first bet? You said boredom? Time to find something else to do... a new hobby or a volunteer job....or take a class... or .........
You could start monitoring your thoughts more carefully.mindfulness of self....if you intervene at the beginning of a thought that gambling might be a good idea, it is far easier to turn the ship around, than waiting until you are already planning to gamble and thinking where you are getting the money and where you are going to bet - you are almost already there and much harder to stop ourselves then.
Have a serious talk with yourself ...have you written a good-bye to gambling? What have you done since March to quit for a few months? Did you put any tools or blocks in place or have you just been "white knuckling" though? What was working? What else do you need to stop this habit?
You obviously continue to believe that you can get ahead by gambling, despite the ultimate outcome. If you can change that belief, you can change the behavior.

Thank you skip88, sk223 and qwit4good for the kind advise. Can I still make a comeback? Last night was very hard. How can I forget the pain of last time. I think my life is over. I was pretty well in control when i put money this time and knew the consequences. Should i tell my partner? She for sure is going to leave or curse me for rest of my life as part of it was her savings as well. She works for 14 hours to earn 3600 a month and i lost 10000 in just few mins. I cant see any ray of hope for me.. I am done I think with the pain and guilt

It’s painful for me to read this whole thread, it makes my insides crawl recalling the way it felt to believe my own lies. An addiction to any form of gambling is life sucking. Period. Winning didn’t matter as much as losing, that might have been one of the most honest feelings while feeding my addiction, losing meant I had to stop until I could secure more funds to throw away. I believe I even became addicted to losing! Losing and winning , winning and losing , nothing really felt good anymore, I accepted my addiction as more powerful than me. I was wrong. Man, was I ever wrong. How could I actually accept my addiction was more important than living a happy existence? I was wrong. By abstaining from my addiction I am finding myself, it feels like freedom. I’m strong. I’m capable. I can be diligent about caring for myself importantly. Wasn’t that a funny sentence, lol. But it’s true, caring enough to be honest with myself was a huge propellant in the right direction I call recovery. We’re all strong when we want to be. Another great propellant is when in doubt, ask yourself what the next right thing to do is. Easy. There’s always going to be something better to do than dance with the devil.
Remember , we are strong.