What a crazy roller coaster ride you’ve been on, up and down, up and down. You’re not alone, we’re all here for the same reason, we can’t gamble for entertainment because once we start we can’t stop. It’s an addiction, at least for me it is, I’m a complusive gambler. It’s the worst addiction I personally know of. It sucks the survival instinct right out of us.
My story is probably different from your’s because it was in the casinos & bars, on stupid machines. I hate to think of compulsive gamblers who use online betting because it’s in their faces everywhere they go. No safe zone. Not even at home.
Please delete the betting apps you have and close the accounts. You’re going to find out we can only handle our addictions one day at a time, and it’s not easy.
I have kids, too. Mine are grownup with kids of their own. Life goes on with or without us, but to watch our children grow up while juggling an addiction is heartbreaking for everyone involved. Does your wife know how you feel now? It will help to be honest with her.
There’s no cure for any addiction, but there’s hope. By abstaining from gambling you can begin to put your life back together again. Good things may not happen overnight, but by abstaining from gambling they will begin to happen. Give your mind some time to even out. Go to a GA meeting or a counselor if you can. Open your heart and learn all you can. We’re here for you.
Today I will not gamble

Good Morning axb - I feel your pain. You sound like an action junkie, just like I was. The wins get you super high, confident, feeling like you could walk on water. The losses eventually become devastating. Losing more than you should have. Impacting you not only financially, but emotionally and taking you to a very dark place.

As someone who has been in your shoes, I can tell you that the only way to overcome those dark feelings is to quit gambling. You need to recognize that you cannot gamble like most people. You're compulsive and there is never an amount that will satisfy you. The moment you can accept that as a reality, you can begin your journey to recovery.

I would encourage you to click through this message board and start reading some of these threads. You can learn a lot. See that many have had the exact same struggles as you do and overcome them. Life is much better on the other side of the fence.

As someone who bet horses my entire life, going back to my teenage years, I know the time and energy sports wagering requires. By abstaining you will notice how much time you get back in your life. You will start to be "in" the moment and not just an attendee.

In many ways, the recovery process has made me feel like I'm really starting to live my life. Everything in my life is better because I quit gambling.

Sending good thoughts your way today. I hope you decide to begin the journey sooner than later.

One additional comment since you bet online...

Robin is absolutely right. Delete the apps and close your accounts immediately if you are serious about quitting. Typically, if you call the company and tell them you are closing because of compulsive gambling they will shut your account down and never reopen it. I did that for myself as I was wagering online as well.

Thank you Robin-Mc and jasonl for your kind words. Yes there is no amount that could satisfy me. Even when I won 23000, I never used this money on anything. When I dropped to zero, I put more, and that made me happy. It took to me a point where I lost all my sense. With all my big wins I promised to myself that I will stop gambling if I win this bet, But here I was, next morning back to betting, which initially started with $50 and ended at $500. I had a budget to win $100 everyday and thought that once I win this I will stop. But I couldn't While in office, I booked in meeting rooms just to place these bets and then wandered on the streets waiting for the bet result. A win made me happy and a lose made me bet more. Somehow, I used to win $100 consistently. But every week there used to be a day when I used to bet on any tennis game with no research and then lost everything. I guess this was compulsive gambling.

But using 15K was never on my list and I really cant understand what made me bet this big on a single tennis game of three points. I only remember that while putting that bet I promised myself that I will rebuild my life if I win or if I lose. But that's the promise I made each time whenever I used to bet big.

Not sure how I can get over with this big loss. I really want to stop gambling and wont touch it for rest of my life. I am so ashamed, disgusted of myself. How those 30 seconds have devastated my life. Yes I am a compulsive gambler where a win or loss does not impact me. It is just the urge to gamble which too complete control of me.

I think I had to reach the rock bottom before I could get away from this habit. And this is the rock bottom where I have just 6k in my account and a mountain of loan to clear.

I have spread my loss of 15k to 20 years where I promised myself to put $2 everyday in a distinct account to remind me what a loser I was..

But still every morning when I wake up, I really have no strength to face my children and wife. I really feel I cheated them. And this thought is really killing me. A person to whom a loss of $2 was so big, how can he put $15,000 on something. Really have no words to express how I am feeling

I think you're doing a good job of expressing yourself. When we all hit rock bottom, and rest assured WE HAVE ALL been where you are at before, we beat ourselves up until there is nothing left.

It sounds like you are ready to make a change.

I would urge you to stop dwelling on the specific amounts. The specific losses. They don't matter anymore, and they won't help you figure anything out. What you need to channel your focus and energy on is recovery. What are you going to do to make sure you don't fall into this hole again? Talk with your wife, make a plan of action, go to GA meetings, try and find a sponsor, go to 1 on 1 counseling, keep coming to this message board and chatting with those of us facing the same struggles you are. Plan, plan, plan, and take action!

I promise, if you start righting your wrongs you will start feeling better. This happens much quicker than you would ever think. Take it from a guy who manipulated family, hid finances, bet recklessly, all while trying to show that everything was A-ok on the surface. It worked, until it didn't. This lifestyle is not sustainable.

We're all here for you!

Let the money go, and move on. I believe what is really eating at you is the pick you made. Let that go too, as even if you had won you would someday again make a losing pick with a large amount on it, trying to re-coup your losses. I sports bet for more than 50 years and can tell you it is highly addictive and no real way to come out a winner in the long run. It was more about the picks anyway, wanting to be right, than the actual monetary gain. As for cheating your family, they would much rather have you back as a whole person than the damn money. The reason I belive you are so devastated is the realization you have to quit something you love, which is the addict talking you into another play. Give yourself some clean time away and you will look back and see what a no-win situation you were in. God Bless
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Thank you jasonl and skip88. You nailed it skip88. I m feeling the same way. On train to my work my heart is pumping really hard as if I soon have an heart attack. I m on the train and still thinking as what why I made the wrong pick..why i bet too high and used my own money. . Really have no answers. ..

You will be find my friend. You are young,smart, and you have the most important thing which is HOPE. Literally take it a day at a time and you will turn your life around. Years from now the money will not even cross your mind.. It's just dirty paper to do your habit. Live life and enjoy every day.

Thank you skip88. I spent the whole day planning how I can mitigate the losses. I have come up with a 15 year plan to recover my losses. Interstingly I had the same plan to make 300,000 through sports betting. I was a big show off until day before yesterday.

Here is my plan:

Total money lost 25000

No of years to recover it: 17

It comes to 5$ a day until my retirement age of 65

I have downgraded my phone plan to $10 from $40..A saving of 1$ a day.. I was on this plan as I used my phone extensively for sports betting.


I cancelled my Union membership which was $47 a month. Saving of 1.5$ a day.

I stopped paying to World Vision Charity which I was doing for 80$ a month. A saving of 2.5$ a day.

I plan to put this money into a distinct account so as to track my stupidity..

This mitigation hopefully will help me in reducing my stress and depression considering that I have a plan for making up for the lost money.

Taking one step at a time.

Sorry I shared everything that is happenning to me.

If creating a financial plan to manage the losses helps you, then go for it. And I also encourage you to delete your apps and cancel those accounts, because as others here have said so well, ultimately it's not really about the money. It's about having crossed the line into compulsive gambling. If you keep open any access to gambling, even with your payback plan in place, there will come a time when the urges will try to convince you it's ok to go back. Even worse, that sneaky little gambler that lives inside all of us will try to convince you that you could pay it back faster if maybe you place one more bet...and you can easily see where that will go. Do yourself a huge favor and cut off access while you're feeling strong. Today I will not gamble.

What ever you do, axb891, please don’t be sorry for sharing here, we’re all here to share because it helps us.
It sounds like the wheels in your head are spinning like mad crazy, try to relax.

Nice plan, I hope that works for you.
My plans to find a way out all by myself always failed.

It may not be your problem, but my addiction included that I did not feel I deserved anything better than constant chaos, anxiety, lack of sleep, poor diet and feeling like I am going to keel or over or wanting to do myself in. As you might imagine the underlying feelings DO matter. I needed help to quit sabotaging myself. If one is going to have success in recovery or anything, for that matter, one cannot be at war with oneself. Treatment and GA are both free in my state and my only excuse for not getting help earlier was I wanted to continue gambling and get it under "control" in my own way.
So after I realized I was a compulsive gambler, I continued a miserable, lonely, dark life of gambling mixed with suicidal ideations for another TWENTY years. (count 'em) That may be the only regret I have in life, that I did not hit rock bottom sooner, but lingered in HELL for another twenty years. (Making a total of 40 years of gambling- what a waste of human potential, let alone the money.)
It was hard to forgive myself for that, it took most of two years of proving to myself that I could take better care of me. Life is MUCH better today, I won't be gambling today and I won't be taking on any new addictions today either.

Thank you yes2recovery, Robin-Mc,Qwit4good, How716 for your kind replies. They mean a lot.

Yesterday was the first day that I did not gamble. The feelings are mix. Sometimes I am really happy and other times I am very angry and sad. This morning I woke up with memories of my loss of Wednesday. I think they will go away with time. While I was gambling I was not happy when I won 23k, I was not happy when I lost. All that mattered to me was a game and to chase something. I took it as a part-time job. There were days where just to earn 50$ I spent the whole day. There were days when I won 3000$ but still wanted to earn these 50$.

I am a sort of person who become sad for a 2 dollars loss. I am still not able to justify for my actions. Was it me who did that?I could have placed a small bet as before. How one can place 15k on a single bet. Hopefully time will be a healer.

Today I will spend another couple of hours working on my plan and cutting more useless expenses. One thing for sure has improved is my heart beat. I no longer have to be tense waiting for a game result. Even when I put a $20 bet my heart used to beat the same way as a 15k bet. Nothing satisfied me. Neither a $20 bet nor a $15k bet. I was just chasing infinity..

100% of my gambing was online. Unfortunately even if I opt myself out of some online gambing sites, there are hundreds of them where I still can go and bet.

I have cut on my data, will soon close my bank accounts, will block my credit cards and let my wife manage the money. Will ask her to change passwords to online banking and give me a weekly allowance. I have never been to a betting shop and Internet is my biggest enemy.. I need to control access to money .

From today I am challenging my urges to show if they still can beat me. I have decided for once and all to get over this habit. I really want to come back to life, be honest, no lies, set new life goals.

Good plan and best of luck!

Time does heal the wounds, I can tell you that. The losses will always sting, but remembering the feeling it gave you is important. Don't dwell on the numbers, focus on your future actions. Your wounds are still fresh, give them time.

I hope you have a great weekend!

Thanks jasonl. I did not gamble yesterday. Again woke up to depressed mindset this morning. Not sure if I will ever forget my losses. Yesterday while buying lunch for my children I had to pay $13. That really seemed a big amount and I was under lots of stress. I never had this issue before I started sports betting. The betting it seems have changed the way I live. I am busy with crunching numbers the whole day counting my losses and a plan of where I can save to make up for the lost money. The losses are still killing me.