Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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nancyzoman 03/14/2017

I'm about a month clean right now. I remember one thing that got me clean for 17 months before was remembering the INSANITY -- what I felt, what I was thinking, how I acted, what I lost in the casino monetarily and respect-wise -- and that kept me away.

I would love it if you would share your stories. What are some of your moments?

I'll start:

There was a week in 2015 where I went six of the seven days. Called off of work for four of them. Went in and gambled like a crazy person.

It was so bad, the casino security guard stopped me, grabbed me by the shoulders and looked at me sternly in the eyes. "You're a pretty girl," he said. "Smart, too, I can tell. You need to get ahold of yourself. Do you know what you're doing? I see you here everyday. Where are you going? Why are you going there?"

"The craps table," I said. "Let me go."

At the time, it didn't even register what he was trying to say. All I knew was that I NEEDED to get to that table, put my money down ($400 I needed for bills), and turn that into more. Except then I lost it, sold stuff, went back, and lost that. I was bringing money I didn't have, playing, racing out to my car for coins under the seat cushions, scrambling to change that in for a few dollars, playing, racing back home for more money or things to sell for money, playing, repeat. Until exhausted or out of money and credit advance limits.

That week was my last week of gambling. I don't miss the unwashed hair, the ratty sweats I wore day in and day out to save time, the way I smelled, the missed opportunities at work, the feelings of anger and despair when I would lose or get comped a $10 meal for $1000 in wagers, the feelings of being out of control, easily agitated, angry, the incessant need to win games that cannot be won long-term.

healing57 03/14/2017

I will go next. There are SO MANY stories of insanity I don't know which one to share. The most embarrassing one I guess. I had taken out a $75,000 home equity loan to "pay off some bills" and set up a direct link between that account and the casino. In a matter of 3 months it was all gone. I went to the casino with $5000 left in my account. I sat down at the high stakes black jack table with a $1000 and lost it right away , so I proceeded to go back and forth to the cage to get money and the teller even asked me "are you sure"" and I said "yes I'm fine" I didn't even know what I was doing I was in a trance. I ended up winning $15000 in about an hour and kept telling myself to quit, everything would be ok if I just quit and took the money and paid off everyone I owed and get my bills caught up, but I couldn't quit. I lost all of that and then I started writing Checks for money I knew I didn't have. $10,000. Finally I was out of money and then it sunk in. What had I done? I am going to jail for writing bad checks, I am in so much trouble. I too tried hunting down every last dime in my car and even looking on the floor of the casino for a chip someone may have dropped. I felt an all time crazy at this point. I found someone to lend me the money and checked myself into the mental hospital 2 days later for being suicidal. I self banned for a year, but even after all that I still gambled at poker games and lottery for another year before I finally quit. Gambling was all, I mean all I ever thought about. I never want to go through that again, Today I won't gamble

Hazel219 03/14/2017

Wow...this is really making me think. My mind is going down memory lane and so many things are resurfacing that I have hidden away. There are hundreds of "worst things" I could post. One seems worse than the other. Thanks for putting this post out here. I need to dig deeper into the past and remember all the things that could happen again if I continue to gamble. I'll check back later after my trip down memory lane continues......

Robin-Mc 03/14/2017

My lowest of lows. My son was 16. I had a little money saved up for his first car. I told him I would match whatever he could save. He saved around 2,000.- and that's about what I'd saved for him. I had that little account for him for years. He had his own account for the money he saved, thank God. I used his promised money to gamble. All of it. I went to my mother to beg for a loan. She gave it to me and told our whole family what I had done. She was mortified and so was I. My son was so mad at me he kicked a few holes in the walls. Everyone was mad at me. I hated myself some more. I got to some GA meetings. Things settled down. My son got his first car. I got a couple years of gambling abstinence that felt wonderful and a little shakey at the same time. I think I was the equivalent of a dry drunk, sober but gritting my teeth. I swear, I can't remember a lot of the details way back then. And I don't remember when I decided I could start sneaking out there again! Scrambling to stop the insanity and gambling at the same time. My son is a man now with a family of his own. A beautiful family. I also have a daughter who has her own family, too. The car loan theist was over 15 yrs ago. How did I get caught up in the madness again, after that? It still shames me. Today I will not gamble again. I can't travel back in time and undo the hurt I caused my family. Shoot, I can't undo all that sneaking around I've done since then. Today is number 19 for me.
Good post. Thanks for letting me share.

skip88 03/14/2017

For me it was not going to see my mother for a Thanksgiving holiday after a gambling binge. I will always regret missing that weekend with her, playing some golf with her and seeing her. The hundreds of thousands I have lost gambling pale to that for me. I have never valued money or material things but I have always appreciated my relationship with my mother, especially since she has been gone. Yet being so down that weekend I could not make the trip, for she would take one look at me and know exactly what was wrong. I will always regret and remember that.

Hazel219 03/14/2017

After my trip down memory lane I've concluded that the worst thing that I have ever done is placing that first bet after 10 months clean back in 1996. I haven't had more than a month or so clean time since. Needless to say, my trip down memory lane was very depressing. I'm sure I have gambled way hundreds of thousands of dollars, have filed bankruptcy, have had bail outs from parents, have been through two divorces while in action, have lost sleep, have increased my bets over the years to try to get the same high as I did in my first years of gambling, have spent uncountable hours away from my home/husband/son/family, have missed work because of staying out too late, have traded a car because I didn't have enough money to make my car payment, taken out a second mortgage, spent money that was not designated for me, have been selfish, am recognized as a gambler around town, have thought that I could "read" the machines....etc, etc. If I would not have placed that first bet after 10 months of clean time (after gambling compulsively for about 5 years or so) my life would have been so different! OMG tears are flowing right now because as I type this I realize I might not be sitting here with my wonderful son in the other room and married my hubby right now (soon to be 15 years) if all that wouldn't have happened! I wouldn't change a thing to get where I am today! Instead of counting my errors of the past, I am counting my blessings! WOW! I am so blessed to be right here, right now, today! Thank you Lord for taking me down that path. If I needed to go through all that to have the family I have today, then so be it. The past is the past and I can only look forward to the best days of my life ahead! Thanks for causing me to think this way today....it is really making me appreciate all the good in my life :) God Bless!!!!

healing57 03/14/2017

Hazel, thanks for that post. I am nearing 10 months clean time after being a compulsive gambler for 4 years. I will not make that first bet, thanks for your reminder.

Qwit4Good 03/15/2017

After a few years of going to the cage to get money, payday loans and all of the above, I began to "borrow" client monies. It is only by grace and benefactors, (added to my ability to pay restitution before being sentenced), that I am not in prison. If anyone finds themselves in a similar position it is far better to turn yourself in than wait until you are caught. It is also hard to weigh and decide what really is the worst thing I did. While taking client monies had some of the biggest consequences, I feel the worst about gambling the money away that was dedicated for my dog's medicine and the times of scrounging every last cent out of the seat cushions, because those really made me realize what a junkie I had become. Nothing sacred, nothing more important than another cent to feed the monster. Argh! I will not do that today.

optimistic25 03/19/2017

Thank you all for sharing. My worst moment, lowest low, was borrowing $5 from my mother in law to "have money in my pocket."
I had hit rock bottom. I gambled away every single paycheck making my husband pay every single bill. I had about 10 payday loans. I worked the system. I would go days without eating lunch st work because I couldn't afford to go out for lunch with my colleagues. It was the worst feeling ever to know that the $5 dollars I had was the only money I had and it wasn't even really mine. The sad part is that I keep going back and I keep going back. I am on day 8 of no gambling and I am hoping I can make it to 8 months...years...
I will fight this addiction one day at a time and pray to never go back to having to borrow $5. It feels great to have money, it feels great to pay back debt and I hope to keep it that way.

crews007 03/23/2017

Wow... I only joined this group today and what an eye opener ... I went to Vegas about 7 years ago with my Mum and was reluctant to put $5 dollars in a machine... Since then I've been back many times with work and I won a large amount ... That was 4 years ago and I haven't stopped since losing everything .. I'm going to GA tonight and I'm 5 days free... I really have to have the strength to stop as it's ruining my life. God bless you all and for sharing your stories ... It's given me hope that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel ... Thank you

Robin-Mc 03/23/2017

Our stories are varied, with relaspes for some of us, creating chapters in our life's. I can't take my relapses lightly, I've learned the insanity of my addiction leads me down a road that has become a cliff, a swift fall, striaght down. The solution seems so simple, just stop gambling. Ask any one of us here, it's not. So many of us thought we were doing fine using willpower, and even other tools. Well, at least that's how I use to feel. My willpower has always been strong in other areas of my life, it baffles me trying to figure out why I can give in to a stupid urge to do something I no longer wish to do. That really makes me mad at myself! Let the urge pass, I need to remind myself, because it will. I'll focus on my higher power and my inner best friend when I feel an urge in the form of a thought. I don't have to hurt myself, or my family, if today I do not gamble, I can get closer to a healthy way of living.

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