i figure if i was a normal once, i can be normal again, is just a progressive disease, and its also progresesive in reversing it, but you cant start the process of reversing it - with making a change

remember, nothing changes, if nothing changes

tell your husband, remove all access to money, get into therapy and start your life over....your family and you deserve

gambling will 100% destroy you - if you let it.

I would also like to include one more thing. I am on a high dose of prozac, flouoxetine. Does anyone have any experience with ssri's and gambling?
thanks

First off, I hope you realize that getting credit cards in someone else's name is illegal. It is sometimes prosecuted as fraud and sometimes as identity theft.
Secondly, I think Itsjustmeagain meant you CAN start the process of reversing the addictive habits.
It has taken you four years at least, to get where you are in your addiction it may take that long to get a semblance of normal.
I will never be able to be a social gambler again. Most of us compulsive gamblers hope for that, at least in the beginning, but it just is not possible. Once we have crossed that line into compulsiveness, there is no going back.
The only way to not be caught up in this addiction is to accept that we are compulsive gamblers and will become addicted again, picking up where it left off, if we go back to it.
The first steps in the process is to come clean, be honest with yourself and your loved ones and immediately put some barriers between you and your money and any one else's money. Yes, it is likely your husband and daughter will be angry with you, but it will certainly be worse the longer it goes on.
You might consider getting to therapy designed for compulsive gamblers and to GA before you tell them. You will be able to demonstrate that you are actively seeking help and beginning to work some kind of program to proactively deal with your problem. You need to level with your loved ones in order to save the relationships you have with them. More time and more lies, illegal acts and sneaking around will only make it worse.
I would ask for their help, if your husband and daughter aren't willing to go on this journey with you, you still need to do it for yourself or you will never have a fulfilling relationship of any kind again.

You obviously are in great mental/emotional pain but coming to realize that gambling is what has gotten you there is a big step.
It is not easy but it is worth it. I still have a mountain of debt and bad days, but I am no longer making them worse by gambling and I do not have to hide mail, sneak around or do any lying, or juggling of money. This addiction nearly cost me my freedom and my life, I have too much to lose today, to open that card-room/casino/sports-parlor door again.
Prayers and hugs, keep coming back, posting, reading and doing whatever you can every day to keep from gambling.

Thank you for your reply's.

I did feel 2 years ago that perhaps I could still be a social gambler, I am realizing this week that it will have to be a thing of the past. I cannot control it, and when I do get my life back I never want to lose control of it again.

I was also thinking that it would be a good idea to start getting help with ga and my therapist before I talk to my family, for so many reasons.

Thank you again, it means so much to me to have people that have been through this disease to offer your help.

I share your pain. I came clean with my husband and it was scary but I knew I had to have someone hold me accountable. It has not been easy but I feel like in order to get better I had to tell on myself. I feel like he is still angry with me and I can only hope by not gambling anymore that he will see that I am sorry. The debt I racked up did not happen overnight and it won't be fixed overnight. I tell myself to take it one day at a time. It is what it is. I am about the same age as you are and I was perfectly fine before I began gambling. I want to be normal again... That's my goal. It can happen.

well, being "normal" is over rated. But, feeling, happy and whole, that is an entirely different subject. For me, I often wondered what it would be like to be "normal" as well, especially have a binge and I would see people in the grocery store, or driving, and looking content, I would want to be them. Or when I would go to the store and buy groceries, and realize the amount of money I had lost the night before, could have filled my cabinets 10 times over again. Do I want to be "normal" if that means, never placing a bet again, living without fear, or crying, or regret... then, okay, I'll take normal. The recovery process for me has been long, and hard, but each day I don't place a bet is a better day for me. One day at a time as they say, is my new "normal." Hang in there.

I think you can't be normal again when it comes to gambling... but you can be better than normal as a human being. About the gambling one of my favorite expressions goes something like "once a cucumber becomes a pickle it can't go back to being a cucumber again." Once we have crossed that line where we throw money into gambling without being able to stop or think rationally, we can't go back to just gambling a little bit; it will always escalate into uncontrolled gambling. So you have to face that you can never gamble again. But, don't you think some of the nicest and most self aware people are those who have overcome an addiction or other major obstacle? It is humbling, it makes you more empathetic toward other people, it makes you strong and builds your confidence that you can be in control...which gets to the idea of coming through it better than normal.

There is a life much more than this that you deserve. you are worth more than all this difficulty. Things can be better. Keep the faith. and be honest be honest. no matter how hard.

im glad youre reaching out and putting this struggle out in the open. first step.. keep walking to the good side

The loss of money is bad, but the lies are the worse. LIke you, I have a wonderful husband and I was afraid of telling him what was going on with me. Are you really able to keep this from your husband? I thought I was, but turns out my personality had changed and he knew something was up. Telling him was hard, but it was the beginning of getting out of the mess.
We are not bad people we are people that have an addiction.
I am not telling you what to do, that is up to your to decide. He probably knows and feels the hurt you are going through.

All of us feel it .

Yes, I agree I think he knows something is not right with me. I am too up and down, depressed, etc. He always says he wants me to be happy. I guess he can see that I am not. I feel so close to telling him, my fear is that he will not want to stay with me. Of course that is everyone's fear with addiction! But I want so bad to get better, healthy, that I think it is close to the time to rip off the band aid.

I quit on June 24, 2015 after nine years of unsuccessful attempts at quitting and over $60,000 in losses. Not to mention lost productivity at work and business-related opportunities that cannot be quantified.

Like you, @fromthisday, I met a wonderful man. He proposed this spring, and we scheduled a November wedding. He did not know I had a gambling addiction or the extent to which I played and lost money. He said he didn't like going to casinos with me, thought I seemed a little crazed or different somehow, so he stayed away and wouldn't go with me when I would ask.

When I quit in June, I self-banned from two states, the one I am in and one close by. I came to him with the self-ban papers and I confessed the money I had lost. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I am doctorate-level educated, I make a six figure income, and here was this professional woman he proposed to who was living in a house of cards, pun intended.

But he not only forgave me, he helped me. He has helped me organize my finances. He put me on a budget. He has also shown me unconditional love and acceptance and understanding I was able to then model my own love, acceptance, and understanding after. He was hurt and betrayed, but this has only made us stronger.

You have to trust that vulnerability is ok.

@ nancyzoman,
thank you for your response. I want to be brave and go to him with this, there is a part of me that thinks he too will be disappointed but will be understanding and will help me. But then the other part of me is scared that he will be so mad that he will not trust me and not want the marriage. After all I am now affecting him financially as well. He did not deserve this.

I hope that you are feeling better. i too have not been able to kick this and it has been 5 years for me too. I am a professional woman as well and it sadness and sickens me that I have such large money problems and that my children have suffered due to this problem. Let's work together to stop this crazy struggle. Peace to you. You can do it and so can I . We just need to decide that this time is the real time and stick with it.

@fromthisday
One of the hardest things for me is telling my wife after losing ridiculous amounts of money. I have been compulsive gambling for over 15 years, with my wife for 13 years and married to her for 6 years.
She knew I was a gambler just after we met. I have lost count at the number of times I have had to tell her about my losses but she has stuck by me for all my sins. Your partner is going to find out about the losses so tell him as soon as you can. I have tried many treatments to stop gambling - the most effective GA and counselling therapy but you have to stick at it. Don't think after 6 months that you don't have to go anymore as I have made that mistake and started gambling again. I hope your partner understands - good luck !