Why do I only get urges when I'm drinking or drunk. Do I unconsciously want to gamble all the time? Or is this a coping reaction to boredom and loneliness when I drink?

your brain knows you are stopping it from getting what it needs, therefore, it will trick you into getting it...thats why we have to put in place roadblocks, thats the point of them, cause we have no strength against the urge, the roadblock is there so the urge cannot be met

i knew if i had a drink, even thought i didnt want to go, it would allow me to make a tipsy decision, like its not really my fault

take control now - get rid of the debit cards/money/casino access

When I drink I let my guard down. It's like my rational mind goes on vacation and my 'stupid' kicks in. Can't drink at all, maybe sometime in the distant future, maybe not.

I agree with the what itsjustme said about the roadblocks. No access to cash was the ONLY way I was able to get past those strong urges. Even now that they're fewer and less intense I still need to watch myself. It wasn't easy getting the roadblocks set up. I managed to find ways around them if I tried really hard (and I did). After a few times I was able to plug all the holes I could think of. I was able to get one of my banks to remove the cash advance feature from the credit card (not all of them will). That's the only card I kept. I use it to pay bills and buy whatever I need - food, gas, etc. Then I pay the balance online several times a month directly from my bank account. When I was in the regret mode I would think of ways to make it work then when I was in addiction mode I would think of ways to break it down. Once you get it set up right you can't break it down quickly enough to get a fix. Sounds pretty sad but that's what I had to do. Where I live, not all gambling establishments have blocked access. If they did, I would have done that, as well. Do whatever you can to make it impossible. When it's impossible, you won't think about it as much and it will force you to think about other (better) things.

My best to all,
penny

Penny,

I agree with all you wrote with one exception - "sounds pretty sad but that's what I had to do." That doesn't sound sad at all to me!! It sounds like a person with the will and strength to fight!!

I really like how you expanded on the details of roadblocks. We all know how essential they are in gaining control, but it is an ongoing process for many. The addicted mind is extremely clever in finding ways around them so they often require a lot of tweaking. I am fortunate to live in a state that has lifetime banning available, but I know that many are not.

Ali85m, we are pulling for you. You can only gain insight into the underlying reasons for your addiction when you are away from gambling. Right now, your mind is focused on one thing - getting the next fix. When you are in this state, it is nearly impossible to think clearly or logically. When I first quit, I thought I was going mad for the first few weeks. Not with urges, but I really had problems concentrating, and waves of anxiety would overcome me at random. However, I put my roadblocks up and rode it out. Think of it as detoxing. I can tell you the life on the other side is worth fighting for.

Hang in there!

I needed help to get quit. I successfully finished a treatment program that helped me make a relapse prevention plan. I was willing to do ANYTHING to stop. I had to be accountable to someone else for a while for money. I still limit myself to $19 or less in cash ($20 or more is a trigger for me) . I listen to myself more carefully and redirect negative thoughts or thoughts to gamble before they become urges. (Impossible/or at least hard to do under the influence.)
I do not drink more than two beers in a sitting now, but I am older and drank enough to drown vikings in my youth. Judgment is the first thing impaired by alcohol.
My counselor stressed to me that my relapse prevention plan is based on my triggers and must be a "living document" that changes if something isn't working or needs tweaking.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

You're not alone -- I quit a lot of times before it finally stuck! Getting self-banned and having a payee were the only things that saved me. Day 159 now, and holding on tight.

I know what you are feeling. So stinken painful to look at the damage that is done. Okay, look at it, learn from it and move forward. I know I am making it sound easy. It is not easy. For me, I have to stay busy, busy, busy. Plan my whole day. Check in with my husband as to where I am all day. (My idea, not his.) I get to carry very little money. I hand over almost all of it to him. (My idea)
Don't you feel disappointed in yourself when you blow a bunch of hard earned money? I HATE HOW I FEEL ABOUT ME. I could look at wasted money and be paralyzed or I can tell myself. I will not waste any today and move forward.
47 days out of the trap
A new year is around the corner and I want all of us to have a great life. Not lying about where we are at. Not throwing away good money. Not chasing the lost money. Sleeping good at night. No trap.