Don't feel alone. What you have described is exactly what I did and how I felt.

In the beginning, to stop, I had to give up my access to cash in order to start putting together some days of being gamble free. I turned my finances over to a trusted friend until I felt stable enough to take it back. From there, I started counseling which has been a big help. I read lots of books written by recovered gamblers then started reading books to help me on my own personal journey.

You just need to find your way and being here is a good start. Glad you are here......:-))

You are definitely not alone. I had to get into treatment and start working with a counselor to get quit. In fact I could not quit until my second week of therapy. What I did in the first week was develop a relapse prevention plan with the help of my counselor. That entailed writing out each and every trigger I have and writing out a plan for what I will do the next time I encounter that trigger besides gambling. i.e.: I get an urge to gamble when I am lonely. Next time I am lonely I am going to call my friend, so and so. Or the next time I am hungry I will eat something nutritious.
Learning about your own triggers and making a plan can go a long way. I also had to restrict my access to cash. Self ban was out of the question for me as I gambled at 100s of bars, delis and restaurants - I had to accept that gambling is everywhere and the controls are in my hands.
My most dangerous situation was and still is having money and no plan. Now I make plans with friends for paydays.
Artwork helped me get through the resultant anxiety when I first quit. (Any kind of artwork) Making collages, finger painting or even coloring all helps. Reviving old hobbies and making new ones was essential for me. You can do this, prayers and hugs.

I agree with what the previous replies stated. Give up access to cash. I banned myself from cashing checks, debits, and credit card advances. I went and printed off form and mailed it in and after a few days I did go to casino and lost what small amount I had taken. I wanted more money of course . I thought. I wonder if I can get money? But guess what. Can't get a dime.
It is blocked. On the way home I said to myself , I'm so glad it didn't work getting money to loose of what cash I had left. Nice. And now my daughter has my debit especially on payday time. It hasn't made me fully quit but it sure has limited any losses and slowed me down tremendously.

emotionally i was a wreck, it was so bad at times, financial can be recovered thru time, and really, its only money, we'll make more

but youre are technically going insane if i had to say in the way we do w/this disease, you dont have control and cannot trust your mind anymore, its on auto pilot and you on not in charge anymore

so when you are at the lowest point, is the time to make the decisions of roadblocks, its the only thing that can help when your brain will HIJACK you, that you can count on 100%. do it now while you have some sense, and i stay plugged in all day here, checking in 20 times if i want......shoot me a friend request anytime to chat

Wow. Thank you Pennyluv, Qwit4Good, tsAllen33, and itsjustme. All of your replies are so helpful. Gives me a lot of hope. I thought I had kicked this years ago, when I self-banned all over California, New Jersey, Delaware, New York, etc, put gambling blocks on computer, and cut off access to cash. But slowly over the years, I started finding a way past the online blocks - and have been in denial until now that for the past three years gambling has ruled my life again. It was so painful the first time around, and now that I'm older, it's even worse -- I started buying into the idea that I am completely hopeless and this is just the way my life is going to go. Reading your replies reminds me that there really is a way out. I will make a list right now of what I will do instead of gambling when I'm triggered. I think loneliness is a big trigger -- I've lived alone my whole life, and have been working from home for the past ten years, so it's been a big issue. Time to re-engage in with community, and this feels like a great first step. Thank you thank you.

I'm kind of in the same boat... just struggling to make a commitment to giving up forever. I'm seeing an addiction counselor but I sometimes feel like I'm wasting her time because I can't seem to make myself stop doing it. It's almost like the only time I am really happy or excited is when I am on my way to gamble or when I get a win. I worked in the Casino industry for several years and I KNOW what a stupid thing it is to do... I know I won't ever win. Maybe we can support each other in these early days?

As I entered treatment, I had relapsed early on and was afraid I could not quit ever. I had the pattern of gambling on paydays and struggling for two weeks, repeat, repeat, repeat. My counselor asked me, "Do you feel like you don't deserve it?" And "What do you believe about gambling?" So once I realized that yes, I felt that I did not deserve a better life. I began to forgive myself and decided that I DO deserve a better life. Then I looked at my beliefs about gambling:
I believed that gambling was harmless fun.
I believed that gambling would relieve my bad feelings.
I believed that I could get ahead by gambling.
When I faced reality, I realized that for me, gambling was not fun nor harmless. Gambling only relieved my bad feelings while I was doing it and made them worse afterward. And I cannot get ahead by gambling.
Once I decided to change my FALSE beliefs I was able to change the behavior.
Beliefs are what drives behavior. Of course that is not all I did, there were many other layers of internal and external changes that were underway.
Do everything you can everyday to NOT gamble, like you are fighting for your life, because you ARE!
You can do this, hang in there.

@FinallyFinally -- The first few weeks are the WORST. I would recommend, if you can, taking time off from work. Try going to therapy or GA meetings as often as you can. If you're not in a position to do that, then read as many books or gambling recovery websites as you can.

You're not alone. I thought I was going crazy my first few weeks away from gambling, until I read books, went on this forum, and talked to a trusted therapist. You'll have detox symptoms. Some possible symptoms include headaches, insomnia, fatigue, mood swings, depression, even catching a cold as your immune system is weakened.

Know that you're worth this fight. Your life is worth this fight. You'll have decades after this initial difficult period -- God willing -- so know every moment is worth it.

I'm in the same boat! I quit for 7 months and then went back. I think I'm going to relinquish debit card control to my boyfriend and just carry small amounts of cash. Is there someone you trust to dole out your money to you? I'm going to try to stay busy too. Pick up extra hours at work, exercise, etc. maybe get into some counseling. Everyone here has great advice. Let us know what works for you! I know you can do it. We both can.

It really helps knowing you are not alone. You are making a positive first step by checking in here. After winning a jackpot, I too, went on a binge, lost it all and much more. I feel like I can't quit for myself or by myself. But maybe, with the help of the people here, who don't judge and truly care, I can quit for them and get myself back. There is so much hope here. It's been almost a month for me not gambling. I find inspiration here. I live alone and get lonely, I find other lonely people here. I have anxiety and depression, I found others here with anxiety and depression. It's a safe place to share what triggers you to gamble to the point where you feel like you are insane. You are worth it, you deserve to have peace and happiness. Stay in touch.