hi nancy. 2 hrs may not seem like a long drive to arrive there... but that dreaded ride home may feel like an eternity. im 5 min away from hell and that can seem like an eternity leaving broke and beatdown. i would recommend taking a 2 hr drive somewhere away from any gambling destination. maybe go shopping or to a nice restaurant instead im barely a week gamble free so im not exactly beeming with confidence . best wishes moving forward. sincerely johnny.

Congrats on the week! That's a long seven days! :)

I noticed an interesting phenomenon that applies to many aspects of our lives. Time heals all wounds. We've all had bad jobs, bad relationships and bad friendships yet over time the most negative aspects of those situations start to fade from our memories and we only seem to remember the positive parts. There are many things I look back on in my life and think "was it really that bad?" but when I take a moment and try to rehash all that particular memory entailed I start to go "oh yea I remember how bad that sucked!" I think you're experiencing that now with gambling. You've managed to abstain for an impressive amount of time and the anxiety, depression, guilt, regret and entire host of mental, physical and emotional anguish that comes along with gambling has started to fade from your memory. You're starting to convince yourself it wasn't that bad. Well you need to snap out of it. Think about all the positive things you've done since your last visit to the casino. Are you willing to put all that on the table? That's exactly what you're risking if you go back. I've said this before and it still rings true. I've met many people from all walks of life. You know who is the one person I've yet to meet? A happy compulsive gambler. Since we're all gamblers here, there's one wager I'd feel comfortable making. If you take that 2 hour to the casino, it will not be a 1 time event. That is a lock for sure. You know you're worth more than that.

I didn't self ban. What's worked for me is structuring my life in such a way that I have many positive outlets to fall back on. I found ways to fulfill the void gambling left behind with things that bring me self confidence, laughter, excitement, entertainment and a genuine sense of accomplishment. What worked for me may not work for you. The best advice I can give is try anything and everything and see what sticks. Get crazy. See if there's a Kung Fu class near you and try one out. Get out and explore. There's lots to do in this world. Step outside of your comfort zone and I assure you you'll discover things you like you never thought about that will help you resist to urge to ruin your progress. You need things to look forward to. You need new challenges.

I never lost sight of how destructive gambling was in my life. Every time I start slipping up and remembering gambling in a remotely positive light, every dream I have about winning a jackpot, any time the thought of a casino comes to mind I remember my darkest days. I make myself feel that humiliation again. I make sure I cannot forget what gambling did to my life. I will never let them control me again. I know you're strong enough to resist this urge. Don't give up on yourself. I'm rooting for you!

Nancy, listen to what Limit is telling you. I feel you are Really close to a bad scene. I do not want to scare you but you can save yourself from So much misery and crap. What could look really good about a casino Unless you are a compulsive gambler needing a fix. I can get comped at Any casino in this U S A right now but am not interested. I can go play cards less than an 5 minute drive from my house in a high limit poker game but again am not interested. Slap yourself, get on your knees and be So grateful you are not in action. I know you are young,and maybe need to be beaten up a few more times but We are trying to save you from the misery and guilt that we had to go through.
I think you are a very smart lady but also a very addicted lady that gets bored very easily. Get a great lover,it's a lot cheaper and just as addictive.

Hey there nancyzoman
I just read another post you put up before this one.
I want to encourage you to do 100 days.
Please see how far you have come and know that you can keep this new life of GF.
I have a feeling if your drive 2 hours, you will be kicking yourself and then what?
Hugs

You've done so well and I always love reading your kind and considerate responses to others. Maybe go back and read some of your own words. They are so encouraging.

I'm not sure what the best thing is. Can you give your cards to someone and only keep small amounts of cash?

I've relapsed lately and only one day clean! Ugh, it sucks! Think of what it will be like. If you win do you think you'd actually walk out with money? I know I wouldn't! All the casino gives me is guilt and sadness.

I'm not sure what we do, but as someone who has recently relapsed I can promise you it's exactly the same. I'm still a compulsive gambler. I still spend everything I have on me. I still feel awful when I leave penniless.

I'm going to cut my access off from my cash. Either block ATM withdrawals or give my cards to boyfriend. I would suggest if you can then get yourself away from cash.

Stay strong! Please do keep us posted.

Thank you all for your kind responses. I'm emailing them to myself so I can easily find them whenever I feel like relapsing.

I think it's true, I'm not remembering any longer how bad it really was. I am thinking delusional things like, "Maybe I could just go back once and try it," "Maybe I could go into the casino and just watch," or the ever-popular, "Maybe it could be different this time."

I had forgotten that the two hour drive might feel like an eternity on the way back. I had forgotten the feelings of shame, guilt, self-hatred, depression, anger, frustration, and the almost-uncontrollable urge to go back that ensues as soon as the other feelings dissipate.

I'm a compulsive, pathological gambler, and once a compulsive, pathological gambler, always a compulsive, pathological gambler. I need to remember that. It's hard, but I need to. Thank you.

Hi Nancy. all good advice, so I'll try to offer another take. If it helps, think of how awful the casino economy is -- it's predicated on taking money from the people who can usually least afford it. and don't get me started on the lottery! remember that scene in "It's a Wonderful Life" where George goes back to Potterville and the bartender, who was a good guy in pre-Potterville days, becomes a monstrous man? There's gambling going on in that bar. And that's pretty much what happens to compulsive gamblers when they're in the grip. they become horrible people. I stumbled upon a website the other day that was interesting reading: www.stoppredatorygambling.org. another site that i have found helpful is www.f***gambling.net. you'll have to spell out the f*** part! it's a helpful reminder of how out of control one can get.

sorry -- it's www.f***gambling.com.

That is right Nancyzoman
We all forget, and we start our love affair with the casino again.
That love affair that takes and never really give us any love.

Keep strong and know that we all care about you.

Now how crazy is that? A whole group of people I really care about and want them to be all that they can be. Hummmm, Keep moving forward. I need you.

Hi nancyzoman, I am sorry that the urge to be in action is so terribly strong and you are not feeling strong. Yes casino websites look GOOD! The websites are no doubt made by professionals. The food on McDonald's websites looks really good too. Do I know better? Yes I do!
My state has 12 Native American owned casinos. But we also have poker/video line games/slot machines in most bars, restaurants, and deli's, where I did the majority of my gambling. There are over 2500 state-owned machines in my county alone, (36 counties in my state) not counting the ones at the Native American owned casinos. Self - banning would have monumental, if not impossible. I decided, that for me, it had to be an internal ban. I had to think of it like an alcoholic might, it is everywhere! I will not be able to rid the world or even my State, from gambling, but I can do something that will remind me of why I do not gamble.
Next, I had to closely examine why it was that I still wanted to gamble. With the help of a truly wonderful, specialized counselor, and who is in recovery (15 years +). Did I still need to punish myself? Did I not believe that I deserved a better life? What were my beliefs about gambling? I discovered that I believed that I could get ahead by gambling. I believed that gambling was fun and harmless. I believed that gambling relieved stress for me. What I found out when I really took a long look at it, is that these beliefs were childish and based in fantasy. I changed my FALSE beliefs. (If you change the belief, you can change the behavior.) I know now, that I can't get ahead by gambling. (Maybe some folks can, but it is not me - I will spend every cent not already gone, regardless of other needs in my life.) I know now, that gambling is neither harmless or fun for me. I know now that that gambling does not relieve stress for me. I believe the only stress gambling relieves is the withdrawal from gambling. (kind of like cigarettes)
I wrote a goodbye letter to gambling and I monitor my thoughts vigilantly. I wrote a relapse prevention plan, I took and exhaustive inventory of my wrongs, debts, and personality defects, I made amends where possible.
On monitoring thoughts: The cycle goes, as I understand it: Thought to gamble --->Urge to gamble--->Planning to gamble--->Gambling. It is near impossible to intervene in my actions/thoughts once I am planning to gamble. Between urge and planning is also difficult, at best. The best/easiest/most successful, time for me to intervene in my thoughts and redirect myself, is as soon as a thought or idea to gamble occurs to me. Often I must re-read my goodbye to gambling, review my worst day gambling, be grateful for what I did not destroy gambling. Count my blessings. I have a list of things I do when I am having a thought or urge to gamble. First I check some standard things that may trigger me: Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? Am I depressed, in mood to celebrate or bored? Am I anxious, do I feel a need to escape, do I feel a lack of connection to my Higher Power? Do I feel a lack of connection to my physical environment, or to my community or my best friends. Am I grieving? I work to identify the trigger and take care of it in a healthier way. It is not easy, it takes energy and effort just to be hyper aware of internal thoughts but going on 16 months of abstinence it is working for me. Along with a phone list of friends to call, face to face support group, D/S, keeping a gratitude diary, artwork, using a toll free 24 hour number for counseling related to gambling, journaling, exercise, meditation, prayer, giving back to my community, giving in general, forgiving (myself and others), learning to love myself, learning to be the good parent to myself that I never had and counting blessings.
It is doable, it is not easy but progress is all we really need from ourselves, not perfection.
Sorry for the length, I hope this gives you some direction or at least hope.
Prayers and Hugs

I see this post was 4 years ago but I am happy I got to see it. It helped me a lot