Sorry to hear you are struggling. You are not alone in what is happening to you. When I first started setting up roadblocks I would find ways of breaking through them (or going around them) when I got in that feverish addictive state. I had to plug the holes while I was thinking rationally, usually after a nightmarish binge. Eventually, I built a wall strong enough to keep me out. That was when I had no choice but to move forward and begin figuring things out. If you really, really want it, it is doable. I know it sounds scary, but it's not nearly as scary as the alternative. You CAN do it. All the very best to you......

The old saying "it takes what it takes".

So sorry you found yourself here again. I've been there 100 times.

I think being in real recovery hell is that place where I KNOW I've got a problem, I did some 1/2 measures, I have a disastrous financial situation going on, my home life is suffering and yet I CONTINUE to do what drove me to this low place. That is addiction.

I think on the road to our own "bottoms" there are several stop pts where we think, that's it, I'm done, I'm quitting --- and yet, we go back for more.

Perhaps this will give you the initiative to ban from the others?

I had a relapse in April. I had banned from my "MAIN" pushers but had left a door open to use free play, suites, etc. thinking I could use and abuse them w/ out gambling. Well..... that didn't turn out so well.

Another level of surrender for me. Another reminder I am an addict -- I crave it, will connive to get it, and use it and in the end it chews me up and spits me out.

I am with you. It is so infuriating and incomprehensible. It is pure addiction. Our brains just don't work correctly and we can get help w/ recovery.

Praying for you. Some time clean, away from the gambling will help I PROMISE.

@girlieo74 -- I asked my therapist recently if I should get off of the self-ban next month, when it will be a year and my time is up.

"I think I'm ready," I said. "And I want to see if I can do it without the training wheels on, you know?"

She paused. "Bullshit," she said. "Seriously, that's the Addiction talking."

You need to ride the line between being gentle and being strict with yourself, my friend. You have to be kind and loving enough towards yourself to acknowledge you need help, and to know you are not alone.

But you need to be strong and strict enough with yourself to also self-ban from those other two casinos in your area, and to self-ban at any and every local casino and state government that will let you self-ban on the way between your home and your boyfriend's, or anywhere else you know you are going to be traveling to.

The Addiction is insidious, pervasive, and lying. It will do what it has to do in order to survive. Squelch it and allow yourself to breathe.

I would say that I am very good at listening to people. People will tell me anything and everything. Many times I have heard love stories gone bad, and some of the times the person goes back to the bad love story. (the bad relationship) It is because "The heart wants what the heart wants."
Today I was stopped in my tracks as for no reason at all the thought of gambling hit me full force. I was folding laundry and I hear my heart say, "The heart wants what the heart wants." I gave in to those words and dwell on those words and then snapped out of it. I told my heart, "You are going to have to want something else, not gambling." Yes I am in the habit of talking to myself. The love affair we have with gambling is just the same as a love affair with an abuser and our heart keeps loving the abuse or should I say does not know how to love being not abused. IF we don't change what our heart loves it will never heal and we will keep being abused. WE will not be able to walk away from what our heart wants.
The worst thing about gambling is lying, at least it was for me. I understand feeling scared of losing someone because of the addiction, but the heart wants what the heart wants. It is a fight everyday to change the way we think and behave.
Best thing you can do for your future is ban from this last casino, because it called out to your heart and you went.
Banning is what keeps me away.
Hugs.

Thanks for the support. I have always been an honest person & the lying has torn me up inside every time. Intellectually I knew quitting was (is) the only hope for survival. You are so correct Marie it's a heart thing. I need to have a heart to heart with myself daily. When the heart heals so will the mind.

I wish the best for each of you as the journey of life continues. May this night bring rest and recovery. God bless!

OH my. Joy you said it all for me. After all this time on this site , I think this post from all of you has been one eye opening discussion. I to have banned from the main casino around me but left that door opened too at the other. Blocked debit cards, credit cards and checking at casinos, only to make sure i went to bank and pull cash out. Also had given my debit card to daughter only to get it back from her. Some excuse. But being a gambler with a problem , I just found ways around all the things I was trying to stop my gambling. She had thought I was doing OK . But I fessed up last Saturday to her that I'm a liar and lost my last few paychecks. Boy was she mad. And now this next payday she is getting or TAKING my money. Can't trust a lying gambler.. And I am a severe compulsive gambler. So she knows now just what length a gambler will say and do to go gamble and lose it all. Stay tuned for my updates... She gonna be tough on me now. Don't think I'll get anything passed her since I was honest and told her all I've done. Thanks for all your posts ..

I self banned from the casino that I messed up at the last time, but not before I had blew $400. I went on a whim, as I can be impulsive at times. I stayed all night. But by morning reality set in and I self banned while the hurt was fresh. Again I lied about where I was. But for me the self ban is liberating. I truly hope and pray this works. I have so much to be thankful for. Today I vow that I'll be free from the lies. I pray each of you have a wonderful gf day!

self banning really works, they will escort you out and if you win they don't have to give it to you.
been there done that.
wish all casinos offered this option.
I was curious about the State Police jurisdiction, never heard of it.
I truly believe that we have done this DEED for so long that we have altered our mind to crave it as when you just can't believe you did that thing again??
Until our mind has been reprogrammed to the good things in life, until we have put enough good things in our life, it just isn't safe to be around any gambling.
This is the hardest thing to believe for most of us,
but simply true,
just look at the posts,
we keep trying to add it back in after we stay away for a while.
That is like taking an alcoholic to a bar and asking them to watch for a few hours, or having a drug addict go to a place and just watch how they do their thing, but be careful don't use.
We have probably forever altered the chemical and physical arrangement of our brain so that we will always and forever be PRONE to gamble if the situation presents itself, or we are stressed or we have money or we are sad or happy or whatever.............
It just doesn't work as the thousands of posts here indicate.
I too tried it many times.
never worked for me and I am starting to see that it never ever will.
I have been giving my life to other more admirable things and people and choosing how and when to spend my money.
I know that I have to keep my mind focused on making healthy choices and when any feeling of gambling surfaces get moving with better coping skills than immediately driving to the nearest casino for my fix.
I try to get my fixes in other ways now.
God bless and good luck to all gamblers that they find the way to much more peaceful and enjoyable life.

thenewway in Louisiana the Louisiana Gaming Gaming Control Board regulates the riverboat casinos, slots at racetracks and the land based casino in New Orleans. The state police enforces gambling laws, etc...The self banning from these casinos is handled by this branch of the state police. One goes to a regional office, competes paperwork, is photographed and is banned from all above venues for 5 years. I completed this process I n December 2015. It has worked. There are several tribal casinos throughout the state; each with their own procedure. I self banned for 1 in October 2015. One of the others I banned from last week. Another I have been to is out of the way, but if I feel I need to I pray I will have someone go with me to ban. Hope this answered you question.
Hope you have a wonderful day.

Self banning works and self-talk works. Marie: don't get your "heart" confused with your inner compulsive gambler.