I have set-up another "goal" not "gamble"....

i have been relapsing also. and it makes me sick, you just get right into the gambling mode so easy, even though you feel better when you do not gamble. so i got to shake of this coat of malignancy and live.

bear22, Welcome back. You have done it before, you can do it again. Good job on getting back on this site and working at being GF again. God, GA and DS and One Day at a Time. You know from experience, it works!

I read your post and read two things into it.
As a newbie...and finding this REALLY tough...to be GF....I was thinking to myself that I need to QUIT. Altogether. Its an addiction..period and end.
Only tonight..prior to reading this post...I thought to myself..well perhaps I can go maybe once every couple of months...with set cash. That wouldn't be so bad..right?
Then I read your post...
although I'm proud of you for quitting for 9 months...it's almost like you're saying it's ok to gamble in spurts.
I want to take this...but at the same time...read the posts above...I think I will get sucked right back in.
Please help me clarify what you mean. You are more experienced at this...
i would appreciate it.
Thanks

Platinum and bear22, there is no such thing as "gambling in spurts" for us compulsive gamblers. You either do it or you don't. I have a friend who stopped for 3 full years, did not bet a penny and then one day went just to try 100 bucks " for fun". He got right back in to the action and won 4000 dollars. A month later, he phoned me the other day crying in tears that he lost around $20,000 in last month, all his savings of 3 years and now is again in debt. Gambling is like cancer that we have to always keeps her in "remission". It can return any time so we have to watch it very carefully.
I have been gambling for over 5 years and have lost close to $250,000 in 5 years. I make six figure salary, have masters degree in egineering and still stupid enough to fall for this disease. I have borrowed from family, friends, claimed bankruptcy, re built credit and now again in debt by over $60,000. There is no end to this until you stop. I didn't own a penny to any one or any bank before I got addicted to gambling. I had self respect, confidence, dignity and was proud of myself and my achievements in life. Gambling degraded me, made me beg inf ront of my friends and family and killed me from inside. It ruined my life and took away my pride and dignity. I have lied to every one at work and my family and friends. The mental torture that I have endured and the pain that I have put my girlfriend through, I would never forgive myself for that. I have hit my rock bottom so many times but never stopped.
As CG's, we got two choices: One to keep going till we are on streets, jobless, homeless like beggers with no family or friends and potentially take our lives one day or
We stand up, pick our pieces and fight this demon like a man, stand our grounds, gather our courage and say NO. Take it one day at a time and start all over the next day. Enough is enough. You stop hoping for some miracle, for that big win that never happened for past so many years and take matters in your own hands. You reassess and redefine yourself for who you are and what you really stand for in life. Do you want to be a proud person not lying to people, not hiding from friends and crditors, but facing life and financially stable enough to take care of yourself, your family and help your friends when they need you. It really comes down to what kind of life do you want to live, and this one chance that God has gic\ven us to live, how do we want to use it? Do you want to die alone with nothing, no family, your wife and kids left you , you are 70 years old and still living in a room that you rent, but are nehind on rent and bills because this is what gambling will do to you if you are still alive by that time.There is so much to this world than gambling. I have so much love, kindness, care and respect that I can give to my loved ones if I don't gamble. The last day I gambled was Dec 31, 2010 and by grace of God I am determined that it was my last time and that I will never give these casinos one more of my hard earned dollars in the new year.
I did not gamble today and I feel great.
Tomorrow is another day and I will start all over again.
May God Almighty be with all of us. Amin

Wow Candian YOU GO MY FRIEND...wow couldn't have said it better myself...for me one of the MAIN reasons I will NEVER step foot in that damn casino again is...I DO NOT WANT THE THOUGHT PATTERN 24/7 in MY MIND EVER AGAIN...can we go now...have we got enough in checking acct that it is ok to bounce a few...oh my GOODNESS this use to be how I thought...SICK...do I miss that lifestyle...HEL* NO...can I look in the mirror now and see "me"...yes, I can...I now have JOY and HAPPINESS haven't felt either one of those feelings in YEARS...was to numb from gambling...Bear YOU CAN DO THIS...I KNOW YOU CAN...You hang tight friend and follow your advice, keep rereading your journals and you can fulfull your goal...you have be4...so glad you are back my friend...big HUGS TO ALL MY DS FAMILY...Becky

Three steps forward, one back..:). Been my approach, but hope this time I go to the finish line and quit for good. I pray the same for you. Freedom from the addiction does feel good..:)

Thanks Canadian..thanks Sue Rose..

good luck bear! Lets do this!

Sue, Platinum, Kenji, Goodspin, bear all my friends..Yes lets do this. Like What Sue said, I am so tired and sick of these feelings 24 7 in my mind. when do I go to casino, at work, at home, everywhere..Its like a demon that follows me every where. And then the feeling when I drive back from casino, as a big looser, having lost every thing money and my dignity and pride..the sick feeling in my stomach while I drive on empty road at 2 am in the morning, how will I go to work tomorrow... Do I have enough gas in the car.. I do not have enough money even to go out for lunch with my work buddies...I am few months behind on mortgage, car, bills...I lost even money that I was supposed to give my old father..I do not even have money to buy my gf her birth day gift..God I am sick and tired of those feelings...And these are one of the few reasons I will not set my foot in that place again. We c an do this,,one day at a time. Its been almost a month, gamble free. I can smile again. I can live again. I can stay at work till late to get things done and not panick after lunch to sneak out and go to casino. I can hang out with my friends again. I can go to mall with my gf and we can shop again,..It is a blessing being gamble free and I love it.

those are very powerful posts. Reading them really strenthens my resolve not to gamble ever again. It s nice to have peace of mind when your not gambling. I just need to develop other interests to occupy my free time. God bless

Thanks everyone for your constructive and positive comments.

Platinum - I am definately not saying it's ok to gamble in spurts. I believe we cannot gamble at all however it's important we learn from our mistakes as well as regonise our achievements.

Although I relapse after 9 months I am not going to beat myself up over it. I achieved so much in that time and that's what's important to me BUT must learn from it.

I hope that clarifies things, if not or you want to chat send me a message.

Hope all are doing well and yes we can do this together!

@cannada, u make me cry...... this is exactly my story...... what hit me most is when u said driving 2am on an empty road. that was me for several months..... i lost everything, my education, friends, name , my mum's hard earned money, my hard earned money, my dignity and my pride........ i also lost time and dreams i could never get back. This site is really helping me and i hope to start afresh as my main challenge is online casinos. My greatest challenge is getting over this depression i have as i cant sleep at night and always keep thinking about all the things i did wrong and all the money and time wasted !

.......

OMG, Canadian could not have said it better. I HAVE been that car on the road at 2 AM, wondering if the gas in the tank will be enough to get me home, and the only thing that has saved me before has been the company credit card I have that I have used in a pinch and made stories up about later. I make between $80 and $90K in sales, and all I have to show for it is credit card debt. I too think..."well, if I just took $100, and that's it...," but I know it will not stop there because I've been there too many times in the past. My debt already reduced by a couple thousand now that I have stopped gambling, and I am current on all my bills. No more being late on the mortgage. My credit score has stayed steady for almost 6 months...and you know what that means! It will be going back up soon. This is an ALL OR NOTHING disease. Stay strong, and stay gamble free!!

You have to forgive yourself, respect yourself, love yourself and be good to yourself and most importantly ASK YOURSELF.............What have I learned from ALL of this &^%#.

I could tell you what I have learned. Start today because the past is gone forever and we have to move forward and make a better future. It is possible. ANYTHING is possible if you believe.

It is choices and options that will keep you STRONG. Just be very careful what you choose and what you opt for.

WE CAN ALL DO THIS!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
mamabear21