A Gambling Cure.

Think of a tree that bears bad fruit that is gambling; furthermore think of gambling as the water that makes the tree grow. To explain, the tree has taken its root and will not entirely be removed, however if you deny it water it will dry out and die. Do not be fooled into to thinking that one last punt or bucket of cold water will not bring life back into the tree that bears bad fruit. It is clear that gambling provides the water for the tree to be revitalized and to grow stronger and for the roots to grow deeper. Deny the tree its life sustaining water and stop eating bad fruit, which is sickly sweet or bitter to the taste. There are other trees that bear good fruit in abundance, enough to share, which is good for the spirit. Moreover with sharing comes cleansing of the conscious and a gentle spirit that is resilient to temptation but not beyond it, cautiously watchful yet forgiving of oneself and of others. You are the good tree that bears good fruit.
RAJCHAPMAN2013

Hi James,

Thanks so much for that analogy, I loved it. It was very graphic, and very true. I must not water this bad tree, and let it die. However, it appears to be one of those stubborn plants where even if you leave it alone for 99 years, a drop of water can bring some dangerous life back into it.

Also loved the "resilient to temptation but not beyond it". I always think I have to be beyond it, but to know that my goal is to be resilient makes things seem a bit easier.

Toey, It is so good to see you. So sorry that it is with these current circumstance. Thank you, though, for letting us know that is is still this mad beast that should we unlock the key and let it out of its cage, it will destroy us, yet again. Love ya, Buddy. ~E

Wonderful analogy. That is the thing with compulsive gambling, we go when we don't have the money. Healthy people who go gambling, go for fun, leave when they are not winning and do not want to return, feel momentarily mad they lost money , get over it and go on their life and don't think about gambling again. They don't return to win money back, they don't think about it at all. They go again maybe in a year on a vacation or something. IT does not have the power over them. For some reason it does over us.

Hi Toey. congrats on going 5 months. I have never made it that long. As for the relapse i can fully relate. i have relapsed 100s if not 1000s of times.It is unbelievable frustrating to go back to the place that has caused so much misery time and time again. as time passes for some reason we tend to forget how horrible gambling was. im only at 71 days gamble free...and keep wondering to myself what is going to make this time different? i think ultimately im gona have to ban myself from casino and cut off all access to money. I had to give up alcohol also that is a direct trigger for me. Dont beat yourself up to bad about it ..know it is easier said than done...but every member here can fully relate to how you feel right now. The good news is if you went 5 months there is no reason you cant start a new gamble free streak that is even longer. Best wishes to you Johnny

Remember that the gambling trees thirst is never quenched, therefore search for the living water that never thirsts again found in the forgiveness of God who welcomes a broken spirit and a contrite heart. As a result God will stir up compassion within you to love yourself and others. Thus enabling you to strive for more lasting things allowing you to be conscious of the misconception that gambling makes you happy. Actually, the value you place on risk and reward acts as the primary motivator.
RAJCHAPMAN2013Sydney

Nice to see you back, Toey, though I am sorry you are going through this again - - we are all still here for you and 5 months was great! Go for another 5 months and beyond - you can do it! This addiction is a monster - -we are fine if we keep it caged, but open that door and it will attack us again.
Take care and keep coming back; let us know how you are doing
smokeygirl

Thanks for all your replies, it makes me feel so guilty that I relapsed knowing you are all so caring!

Anyway, despite how bad I felt yesterday, can you believe my mind started thinking about it again tonight after work? How is that even possible? If you touch fire and get burnt once, why would you touch it again?!?!?

Hi Toey,
First and foremost, you probably ought to take a peek at the reflections of the day posts- particularly yesterday's.
Relapses or slips are unfortunately going to happen, but what's important is realizing that it was a mistake and to grow from the experience.
We've all gotten here because we know that we have a problem gambling, many will take that first step and quit for good, many others will slip at some point, but with thoughtful reflection on our actions, we can reach the goal or stopping this for ourselves.
In response to your last post, I've often compared this illness to banging you head against a concrete wall- completely illogical behavior yet we fall into the trap... Truly baffling.
Hang in there brother, you've obviously recognized the problem, now give all you've got to stop again.
We're all pulling for you!
Jay

oh boy. i'm sorry to hear about what happened. i am at 11 weeks, and i feel like i have control this time, but reading your experience, i have to remind myself that i am not immune, i can not control myself when i gamble. gambling is everywhere, so it's not like i can't pass up the opportunity everyday. i know what it feels like. i know the horrible, terrible feelings you are describing, i know how low it can get for us, how lost and hopeless and helpless and it's just a totally dreadful feeling and a disgusting way to pass the time. just remember it cons us into thinking there is money in it, there really is no money in it, i know i have been there. i remember like it was just yesterday, the house wins, it is a system designed to fail, the designers and the makers know us better than we know ourselves, they know how to get us addicted, they know how to get us coming back for more, especially if we lonely and vulnerable. dear god, i pray that i never go back, i pray that we all stop gambling and these institutions will have to shut down. i pray that society does all that it can, to close down and shut down these places, i pray that it loses popularity. it's hard, it's a mssive problem. it's everywhere, like everywhere, and it's sad. it's like a mine field out there, any moment you can step on the bomb, and get blown up by the gambling demon. dear god, keep me away, if ever i needed a god, i need it for this purpose. please don't let me go back there, i plead. i don't want to go back. it's the saddest most depressing torturous place i have ever been. and i have had some bad experiences in my life, but this one tops it all because it is something i am at the steering wheel, i am the one doing it to myself. i love my life now too much to do that to myself. i need peace, i need to feel at ease. pray with me.

In response to Flyorra... I am praying with you..... I do not want to go back either, though I have time and time again. You are doing great - 11 weeks is awesome! Toey, who knows why we would want to get burnt over and over again.. I know the feeling. Let's stay away and get others to do the same!
One day at a time!!
smokeygirl

I am terribly sorry everyone - I did it again tonight and blew $900 :(

I don't know why I have fallen so hard back into it...

Toey, you're in crisis.

The spiral has started, and unless you act RIGHT now, you most likely will get pulled into the vortex.

Triage time!

First thing-STOP the hemorrhaging. Restrict your access to your money, because you were trying to chase the losses and you WILL try to convince yourself to do it again.This was a $2900 relapse. Don't let it turn into a $4900 relapse.

Then write down exactly how you feel THIS instant; the anxiety, the guilt,the sick feeling that has taken over your entire body. Spill your guts. End it with "I told myself "This time would be different. It wasn't. It will NEVER be different. Every time I go to the casino I lose control, and I don't have the capability to change that. If I did, I would not have lost 2900 of my hard earned dollars within the last week."

Then breathe. And breathe some more. And start over again.

Fear of being caught having been overpaid kept you GF for 5 months. Let the fear of losing EVERYTHING you have kick-start the process of beating this addiction.

Please check in soon. We care about you.

I second resolved's post.
Just take this moment to pause and take the personal inventory suggested and reach out- we are here for you.
Jay

Thanks resolved, I have just taken my credit card out of my wallet and will leave it at home.

It's funny, because before last night, I had lost $2000, and I thought "well at least I didn't lose $3000" which I used to make myself feel better.

Now... :(