Great post Leapyear22. You have a great grasp of this addiction and where you are. It takes a lot of pain to get where you are at and a lot of hard work. Bless You

I've been off here for quite some time. I'm saddened to see I've returned to find you in distress. I am 3 months into my 3rd year of being gambling free. At this point I am still haunted by urges to gamble. During stressful times, dealing with family illnesses, bad days at work, times when I am lonely and insecure or bored, and even when I am excited, enthusiastic and feeling the need to celebrate, all these things fire off this thought in my brain that says "man it would be great to just burn through a few hundred in a slot."

I know I can never gamble again. Every dollar I've managed to save would be gone in one trip. Everything I've fought for will disappear in one visit. I know I have ZERO self control in a casino. I will gamble until I no longer have access to anything I can gamble with. I am a compulsive, problem, addicted gambler. There will never be a day, for the rest of my life, when I can place another bet. It does boil down to that. I am a gambling addict and I will be until the day I die. I will chose to be a gambling addict that no longer places a bet.

There's no easy path or answer to staying clean. What's worked for me is using everything I accomplish, whether it's a milestone at the gym, learning a new skill, even simple things like reorganizing a closet or a successful first date, as a brick in a wall between me and the addict inside me. Every time I do something or achieve something I couldn't while gambling, it's makes the wall a little higher and a little stronger. I don't want to knock down that wall and lose everything I've built just to gamble again.

At the end of the day the casino is a terrible place. It's owned by pirates who operate games you cannot win. They're fixed against you. It's designed to steal your money. It smells terrible. It's never clean. It's absolutely filthy. There's urine all over the bathroom floors. It's full of zombies. Literally the walking dead. Why would you chose to spend your free time there? There's nothing romantic about a casino. F**k them.

You need to slow down and take a serious look at yourself and your life right now. What is driving you to believe this is all your worth? I'd start there. I know you're better than this. You have the strength and courage to get yourself back on track.

Great to see you back Limit and amen to all you said!!!

The only thing that helps me let go of my gambling addiction is faith in Lord Jesus and his love and forgiveness that is available to everyone. I relapse when I start thinking I can live my life without any help. I pray that you will forgive yourself and let God heal your wounds and give you the freedom you want.

Thank you all so much for all of these wonderful posts.

The reminders of the physical condition of the casino -- the urine on the floors in the bathroom, the terrible cigarette smell, the way some players would leer at you or scary ways they could threaten others -- I had forgotten a lot of that. In my mind, I was only thinking of the positives. That was a rude re-awakening.

Also was great to hear how well some of you are doing after months and years of recovery. I'm glad so many familiar faces (names?) are back in the group. It was inspiring to hear how well you are doing, and also reassuring when you admitted you get the urges too but are able to get through them. Thank you all for your inspiration and raw honesty.