Friends til the end Community Group
A group for those of us here who get more from our friendships than from the available discussion groups. A place to be accepted and appreciated for who we are. Somewhere to always feel safe and know that especially on the bad days we are here for each other .A place for encouragement and love.
Last week my mother was told that she had to have back surgery, the doctor told her about the surgery and told her how dangerous it is, she was told that because of her age, she won't survive it. This information has put my mother in a depression and she is constantly thinking about death all the time. On top of that there is so much going on in our lives now that it does not seem like this is the time for the holidays. Because of all of the emotions, I do not know how to enjoy anything in life thanks to all the sad emotions.
I do not know how to describe anything. I can only say that its annoying and cause a lot of frustration. Its taking such a toll on my mother that I hear her always talking negative, feeling that everyone is mistreating her and full of rejection; she probably think that I am disrespecting her, I do all I can for my mother but it would seem like I am not doing nothing for her. I fix her food (at times she would not eat because of emotions or when her diverticulous act up.) She had a messed up, abusive childhood which is attacking her mentally today. When mother talked with her counselor five years ago, the counselor said to my mother "be careful because your past will take over the presant". Two months ago, I lost my dad from either cancer or the virus because he never wanted to wear a mask when he went out and he always talked about how scared he was because he just turned 80 years old in March; he died in June. He and mother did not live together or in the same state but they were good friends. They had been separated for years but they stayed in touch with each other. I think his death triggered off a sad memories with my mother the reason why I feel this way is because I recall her telling me about her whole family dying (she is the only one left); my dad lost his family too, he was the only one left. Now all of them is gone.
On some days like right now I feel that I want to screm from the top of my lungs. We have so much good things going on in our lives but still the bad bull seem to be taking over.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
I suspect your mom doesn’t feel good and is likely in discomfort so I’m sure that is at play. Getting older and losing everyone that is part of your generation must be very lonely and hard for her especially if she’s kind of prone to depression or kind of a negative anyway. I’m sure she’s depressed. It is hard on her but on you too.
If she won’t survive the surgery why would a doctor recommend her have it? That’s confusing. Back surgery is a big risk for anyone but especially if someone is elderly.
Are you able to maintain some good boundaries so you don’t get too sucked in by her negativity? Do you live with her?
I too have a problem with Stenosis in my spine.. It's painful, It has affected my balance. I use a walker for distances and a cane for shorter walks.
The doctor won't/can't operate. The alternative for me is injections at pain management. They help. I'm able to drive, get to church and to the store with a small list and other small errands.
I try to keep a positive attitude and tell myself it could be a lot worse and it is for some others. Ask your Mom's Dr about pain management. It may help. Love and Hugs.