Hello, everyone. I am new to DS, but not new to food addiction and eating disorders. I struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia for 12 years, recovered for many years thereafter. Over the last year, or so, I've been stepping slowly back into dangerous territory with episodes of binge eating (no purging). This past year has been extraordinarily stressful, for a variety of reasons, and but the major whammy was when my mom died last January. I don't really have any family, and the heart ache of her dying just reinforced that fact. Her death really just set off the binge eating episodes, plus exacerbated by quitting smoking (yes, a good thing, I know).
I'm binging on average of once or twice a week and have managed to gain 40 pounds in the last 6 months. I am diabetic, so the binging and weight gain, is definitely NOT ok for my health. I've started to let myself go a bit too...
I am married, my wife is an emotional eater, overweight, but pretty much in denial about how slippery of a slope this is for her. She kind of has the mentality of "it hasn't happened yet" type of a thing... So this adds to my semi poor choices in foods when I'm not having episodes of binging. It adds to my own choice to adopt similar blaze attitude.
Stress aside, I'm usually pretty even-keel, and err on the side of living a balanced life - or at least being proactive in living one.
This is NOT me.
I am in therapy, have been for years. I've been in 12 step OA & EDA meetings before. I have a high stress job, work awkward hours, so I really just stopped going to meetings, phased them out slowly.
I'm very self aware, I know my triggers, etc. Yet, eating disorders and food addiction show little mercy on those factors, especially when you're staring down a binge. Then, the guilt and shame add fuel to the fire.
All of this I do in secret... I can't seem to stop...
So here I am, I need help. Again. I cannot keep doing this. I am adding fuel to the fires, and it's turning against me. I see it coming a mile away.
I'm plagued with guilt, shame, yet perfectionistic and hiding this secret life.
wedding in morning? Here in central time zone say 4:30am its going to be on NBCunfortunately I will be up and either driving or riding in car to sponsorship workshop in morning at about that time. Its about 120 mile drive, im meeting someone then riding with them from 5:15 until we hit quincy IL
let's just be honest.. this shit is hard. Food addiciton, compulsive eating, etc is super hard to talk about. I always feel like i'm just this whiney over-privelaged brat who just needs to cope. I have been able to go 20 days without a hardcore binge. I slipped last week and ate some trigger foods, but nowhere near the scale of what I have in the past. Binges I have had in the past few months...