Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
Hello, everyone. I am new to DS, but not new to food addiction and eating disorders. I struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia for 12 years, recovered for many years thereafter. Over the last year, or so, I've been stepping slowly back into dangerous territory with episodes of binge eating (no purging). This past year has been extraordinarily stressful, for a variety of reasons, and but the major whammy was when my mom died last January. I don't really have any family, and the heart ache of her dying just reinforced that fact. Her death really just set off the binge eating episodes, plus exacerbated by quitting smoking (yes, a good thing, I know).
I'm binging on average of once or twice a week and have managed to gain 40 pounds in the last 6 months. I am diabetic, so the binging and weight gain, is definitely NOT ok for my health. I've started to let myself go a bit too...
I am married, my wife is an emotional eater, overweight, but pretty much in denial about how slippery of a slope this is for her. She kind of has the mentality of "it hasn't happened yet" type of a thing... So this adds to my semi poor choices in foods when I'm not having episodes of binging. It adds to my own choice to adopt similar blaze attitude.
Stress aside, I'm usually pretty even-keel, and err on the side of living a balanced life - or at least being proactive in living one.
This is NOT me.
I am in therapy, have been for years. I've been in 12 step OA & EDA meetings before. I have a high stress job, work awkward hours, so I really just stopped going to meetings, phased them out slowly.
I'm very self aware, I know my triggers, etc. Yet, eating disorders and food addiction show little mercy on those factors, especially when you're staring down a binge. Then, the guilt and shame add fuel to the fire.
All of this I do in secret... I can't seem to stop...
So here I am, I need help. Again. I cannot keep doing this. I am adding fuel to the fires, and it's turning against me. I see it coming a mile away.
I'm plagued with guilt, shame, yet perfectionistic and hiding this secret life.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I'm speaking as someone who has found an unspeakably tremendous freedom in simply saying the hell with this perfectionist thing. Still trying to do my best, but far more cheerful about admitting when I screw up. It's helped me enormously. It may even be the reason why I've turned a corner in this food-fight after all this time.
"Take this from me and look upon it judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin or death, not use it for destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to peace,
but let YOU use it for me, to facilitate it's coming"
You can say this to Jesus or the Holy Spirit, or whomever you wish to call your Higher Power as long as it is not your ego. Our ego is the teacher of our wrong minded thought system so we must listen to our heart, or our right mind!
God Bless