Hummm...Today, I suppose I feel like talking about the financial struggles that I am about to be going through and my concerns with them all. 

It is hard to explain without going into details about other portions of my life. 

So first, here in less than a week I have to purchase a plane ticket for my son to come out and see me. Which while our custody arrangement says that my ex will pay me back for the next couple of years, I am also stressed because the price of the ticket is basically more than I have in my savings.

Here within about two months, I will be on maternity leave. Which I am not lucky enough to get paid for the whole of my maternity leave, but I am lucky enough to have enough vacation pay and such to get two full weeks of paychecks. The concern is that because my savings is not very much, and neither is the pay that I will be receiving, that I will either end up only being able to only take a week or two of maternity leave, even though I would prefer to give myself at least 4-6 weeks especially after a c-section. 

Currently, my plan includes having my husband working either with the neighbor or somewhere close by, but the other day my husband brought up another concern which has me slightly worried about having him go to work. I wish he would already go to work so we could work on our savings some more before the baby gets here. I have thought about a baby shower, but then I also don't think that will help because for one I have no one to invite, and for two the only thing that we really need for the baby is money. We don't really need very much else for the baby, other than a few onsies, a carseat, diapers and wipes, burp clothes, and thin blankets since it will be a summer baby. And most of these needs have a plan already in motion, like my mother in law is making me burp cloths and nursing blankets, onsies we can get from salvation army and gender neutral since we are not finding out what the baby is. 

The other area of concern for me is how everything including finances are going to affect my visit with my son. I know this is not the group to discuss it in, but the son that is coming to see me has no idea that I am expecting and I am not sure what to do about it. I do not want to tell him and his dad because his dad might try to cancel my visit with my son for the year (he wouldn't agree to visitation the last time I had a baby 5 years ago), but at the same point I do not want to surprise both of them when my son gets out here. Especially since my youngest knows and is super excited and really wants a baby sister. Thank you for letting me talk about the thoughts in my head.