It's very hard for me to go out, I'm always hurting and pretty much always medicated. Not only do I have horrible joint pain (well pain all over) but I also have Ulcerative Colitis. I don't have much in common with "normal" people. And they always eventually get annoyed when I constantly cancel on them. Sick people usually get better, or die. But as many of us know we are just in between that. And forever will be. So somehow I became a home body. My idea of a fun night is watching TV and cuddling. I love video games, doing photo-manipulations, and my cats. I find that hanging out with people can be tiring, both physically and mentally, specially if I am very medicated. so I kinda just hang out at home by myself. I've tried having online friendships, I've tried setting up meetings to play D&D with strangers, I've tried talking to people in online games, I've even tried going to face to face support groups. It just doesn't seem to work out for me in the end.
My best friend just told me that he doesn't want to hang out as much online with me. he told me I need to get out more, (even though I actually have been going out more than I use to. In fact I am going with my mom to the movies tomorrow) He said he feels bad going out and I'm at home. I suppose he wants to be able to have a life and not feel bad that I am getting left behind. This is just days after I told him that I am afraid I am loosing him and that I miss him terribly. (he visits during the summer every year) I don't think he gets how hard it is to maintain friendships when you are sick. Specially ones that are not simply online. And being friends with other sick people always made me think that there would just be two of us canceling lol. I've tried many ways to make friends, I am not socially awkward or anything, I was very popular in school and even years after. before I got very sick I was out daily and had many many friends. But over these last eight years I've slowly lost friends.
I feel like my girlfriend, and my best friend are the only two people I really have in the world. And even so I often felt lonely and misunderstood. which is why I cam here and why I have started working on my relationship with my family. But now I don't know what to do. Where can I put up a sign that says "hey want to be my friend and not murder me?"