Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
Good morning:-)
Today we skip therapy. Today... We RANT! WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!
Why? B/c my therapist po'd me so much yesterday I came *this* close to quitting. And I know how bad a spot I'm in. I don't share it on the board, but... let's just say Hubby is making sure he hides sharp pointy pretty objects. If one more therapy-minded person "helps" me by saying "It gets better" or "Worry what is, not what if", or my new favorite, "It wont' be that bad" as if I'm a small kid getting her first flu shot and need a lollipop to survive the ordeal... I'm gonna blow. I mean *kerblooie*. I'm talking Mount Saint Helens got nothin' on this puma.
Why? Because everyone telling me it's gonna be okay is... And this is not directed at anyone here, btw... A. White. Man. With. Good. Job. Oh my heavenly hosts. Healthy. White. Male. Employed at good job with benefits. Gee, why would I think they don't grasp that a paritally disabled PTSDer who is unemployed and *female* and not considered white enough for the UK would ever worry?! BTW, that last is sadly true. Called about visitor visas and the person asked me about my ethnicity, and I was like, "AMerican," and they pushed, and I said, "Fine, my mom's Polish, I've a bit of her accent when I'm upset like I am now," and I was told, "Well, I'm only trying to help, but your sort finds trouble these days." My *sort*? Someone who wanted to next year celebrate her 25th wedding anny by seeing Hubby's ancestral Scottish hometown like he's wanted to for years? Yep. My *sort*. Well, up yer arse, luv, I don't want *your* sort, how's that? *snort* *growl* *huff*
See? A good rant relaxes your muscles! Emotional release, even thru tears, btw, can alter chemical balances in the body. Emotion-tears are proven to be laden with tons of hormones and biochemicals, versus "dust in the eye" tears, which are nearly pure saline. Emotion-driven crying reall *does* make you feel better. Freaky, isn't it? My Hubby, since learning this, btw, now calls emotional tears "eye pi$$". Thanks, Hubby, love ya, but OMG... *headdesk* He has this hyena laugh when he thinks it's incredibly hilarious, whatever "it" is, and my face is pretty much... Well, here's a link:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/95/ce/e3/95cee3b63ebf4d9d09eb8b352914b8a3.jpg
or, if you prefer dogs:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7f2FdDJnkO8/TCaTduvat0I/AAAAAAAAK1w/rFl1ClvGSHQ/s1600/SSL28828.JPG
And because we need warm fluff: http://goodnewsshared.com/category/amazing-animals/
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Today in history, after Leo was done freaking the f*** out...
In 1953, "I Love Lucy" television show made history by openly acknwoledging... pregnancy. Why was this important? Well, it also implicitly acknwoledge *gasp* the act of sex occurred! Oh. My. Gawd! Nooooooo! We don't procreate under cabbage leaves by magical stardust?! Yeah, I know, nowadays, it seems so... quaint. But back then? Lucy and Desi were making history. (And two kids, btw.)
In 1776, George Washington and his army left New Jersey for Pennsylvania, by crossing the Delaware River, and yes, off ot reeze off toes in Valley Forge, and then? Back across the Delaware to attack the Hessians in Trenton at CHristmas, and back again shortly thereafter. (THey crossed that river a *lot*.)
Iin 1998, the first female Olympic hockey game took place, and the ladies of Finland whomped Sweden six-zero.
In 1854, Pope Pius IX declared the doctirne of the IMmaculate Conception, which holds (for devout Catholics) that Mary was born free of original sin, thus making her worthy of being the mother of Jesus. B/c, y'know, otherwise, she's just a yucky girl. *eyeroll* The things they worry about, y'know? For the record, however, it did solve the great doctrinal debate on whether or not Mary was pure enough to truly bear Jesus... Rather like "angels dancing on heads of pins", IMHO, but hey, if you gotta fuss, at least that fuss didn't involve any wars.
***
I'm off to do laundry (rapture!) and unkink this left calf muscle of mine. I tried this last few monthst o live without memory foam at all times, but... not working... It takes little pressure on an angry spinal nerve to really kink things up. And, y'know, do things like..uh... realize I have no Christmas cards to send (oops) and no muscle rub (crap!) and apparently a shopping list is coming on! Duck!
Cheers,
leo
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I'm alive, I'm sleeping like a rock, and for some reason I wanted cherry juice so that seems to be helping. (??? Weirdo that I am.)***Infamous therapies over history:1. The Attic. The madwoman in the attic is a motif in literature going waaaaaay back: the nutty female relative is locked in the attic. (See: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte for a grotesquely racist version of it, and Charlotte Perkins...
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Welcome to the Perseid meteor showers, the "biggies" usually every year. (The Leonids beat 'em one year IMHO).AND today much of the northern hemisphere will see 5 to 99% solar eclipse. How cool is that? Your best bet is to be in the UK or norhtern Spain, where totality is excellent before sundown. Me, I'll get a super duper tiny itty bitty slice of it, so little that it won't be noticeable. New...
It does seem like "they" are making life harder and harder as time goes on. I thought all this technology stuff was suppose to make things go quicker and smoother. Plus, I think that customer service people (when you can actually talk to a live person at all) seem ummmmmm dumber?, not as well trained?, uncaring?. Anyway...it's hard to make pretty much anything happen. I know that I'm getting a little off track here but it's what I do. :-) As you know, we all share your frustration to some degree or another. Heck, after almost 35 years of marriage, I don't know that I can ever still consider myself a male. ;-) Here's hoping that you find at least a little relief from your stress today.
YO, I also have a plethora of fine rants to share today. After chatting with my brain Dr, nothing was really accomplished....again. They say that I seem to be normal (I KNOW that's a lie). Anyway....she took a vitamin B12 blood test and pointed out that my Vit D levels are always low. The D stuff could possibly be causing the brain zaps?? and some of my pain. (she was digging a bit). Oh, I also have to do a fatigued EEG...stay up all night and take the test. Other than that...it's on a keep on keeping on thing.
Another rant is the weather. We're suppose to see lows down to -10 next week which will be balanced by nice brisk winds! Also, we're above normal in snow levels and won't have a true sunny day for the third week straight. Very unusual for it to be as cold as it's been without the skies being clear. The lack of sun will enhance my "D" level experience...gotta love it! (is that why my Dad always told me to try to get A's, might be a tie in) :-) Also feel my FingFF friend increasing his presence! Life can suck, but it's still better than the alternative.
Wow...I can hardly breather after that! :-)
Kel
As for me, I am already po'ed at today. I still can't see any posts from yesterday evening after Twins afternoon post including my own so any responses on the swelling and how to not hate what I see when I look in the mirror are lost on me. I have realized the swelling is in my entire body at this point. I came into work to find the office cleaning people destroyed my Christmas decorations on my cube which also had a functional purpose of blocking me from the fluorescent lights. And my entire left leg hip and foot are still on fire today and getting worse with every step. I broke down on my poor husband last night into a puddle of angry tears at this entire situation. I still haven't gotten past the grief and anger of this disease.
May, Yeah,I thinkt hat's why I get angry. I know it's BS. Why can't they say, "Beats me?" and be done? As for swelling... okay, massive edema, time for a doctor. Could be kidneys, could be salt balance, could be random alignments of distant galaxies, but my mom's comes and goes since her brain tumor surgery.
BTW, you get past anger and grief when you do, if ever. We all cycle back into it. Impossible not to. I had freaking *remission* of symptoms for eight years... and it came bakc. Re-boot the grieving anger! We understand:-)
We Love Lucy, and today is National Brownie Day, so I send everyone a gooey homemade brownie!
It is very tough to accept and like Leo said, you tend to slide back into the grief and anger from time to time. On one hand, it's not easy to live with, on the other, you CAN live with it. Please hang in there and keep searching for what works best for you. Sending gentle (((hugs))).
Leo,
Funny you should mention the possibility of medical incompetence. :-) Gin (wife) suggested that last night after I was whining about the Dr appointment. We are about 3.5 hours north of the Mayo clinic...she suggested that if nothing gets done that I look into going there....or maybe the UofM clinic (2.5 hours south). Notice how everything is south of me? lol One question...does the sleep-deprived EEG really make a difference over the semi awake one?
Kel, I'm so disappointed in the doctors. I can't believe no real answers or suggestions, are doctors these days not really qualified? They seem to only be book smart, in knowing only what the book told them, and they don't think outside of the box, or really seem to know everything about the human body. I'm confused by it all really. Hugs for a better day, and keep ranting it's good for us.
Maynard, I'm sorry you can't see all of the post from yesterday, and that you broke down on your husband. This disease is hard on everyone, but I can tell you one thing, I dont' think I will ever have a handle on it, and it's been a solid 5 yrs for me. In fact, I only get worse in time, and I can't control it and handle my depression and anxiety, the pain is just too overwhelming.
My daughter had another meltdown this morning and I literally balled my eyes out all the way to work, wondering why I'm here. Why do I keep fighting this battle that this obviously winning. I do not feel like God is listening to me, I do not feel like I am making really any contribution to my children when I just want to cry every time things get tough, basically everyday, you know how it is. I'm at a tipping point yet again.
I hope all of you strong people hang in there and make the most of your day.
Twin, I understand. I told my husband last night that most days I just don't want to get out of bed anymore because there doesn't seem to be a point. Trying as hard as all of do to carry on with life eating healthy exercising dragging ourselves through another day of work and chores and people and a lot of the time not getting any reward is just exhausting. Sending hugs your way and hoping there is at least one bright spot in your day today.
My hubby doesn't hide my anti-anxiety PRN meds. He did, however, announced he needs a (list of baked goods) for handing out to his network-business-type "friends". No asking. No "Are you up to it." Just, "Hey, y'know, I could use this list of stuff by Monday..." Really? Well, the bankruptcy lawyer has a list for me by Monday, my errands are undone, and when pray tell do I make these four batches of fudge and cookies?! *headdesk*
I tell myself his faith in me is a good thing. ANd then I shop for grapefruit spoons. (GEntlemen, don't ask why. Ladies, it's a pointed spoon with serrated edges. :-))
Kel, you have hit the nail on the head saying “when you can actually talk to a live person at all”. It seems like we spend more time hitting 1 for this or 2 for this. UGH. I am sorry nothing was really accomplished at your appointment. I do agree that low D can cause pain. Last year I got a healthy dose of D to take 1x week and it really did help. I am hoping she put you on prescription Vit D. I haven’t found the OTC stuff to work too great. I cannot believe your weather and here I am whining about it being in the 30’s. I also agree life can suck but it is better than the alternative. Have a good day.
Maynard, you need to see your doctor about the overall swelling. It isn’t normal and something else may be happening. I am sorry you are still angry. I think I am too and I’m years into this journey. I am sorry the cleaners destroyed your decorations. Ours don’t really clean much. I hope your day gets better.
Twin, don’t give up on yourself. You have a lot to offer your girls. I know they are young, but I remember the first time I cried in front of my kids. Boy did it turn them around in their behaviors when they saw how it affected me. I think yours are probably too young to get it, but they will. Your girls would have nothing without you.
I am not having a good day. Little sleep due to my thoracic spine killing me. I have my lidocaine patch on, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. My arms are sore and I am just grouchy.
I hope you all have a better day.
Leo, I'm sorry your po'ed at your counselor. Did you tell them off? That's actually one of the reasons I quit PTSD therapy, besides the retrauma and nightly nightmares. I wasn't sure I liked the idea that every thought I had was supposed to be "wrong" and here's the "correct" way to look at it (CPT). Life's not what you think it is just because you were assaulted (multiple times) and then betrayed by those who were supposed to protect you, so here, let's help you "realize" your dark thoughts don't match up with real life and turn them into fluffy rainbows! (sarcastic face). I remember protesting to the therapist a few times when she would say, "Now let's examine this thought here...." (meaning time to pick it apart and find all the flaws and then replace it with the right one) and her response every time was, "This is CPT, this is what you signed up for. If you don't like it, find another therapy." So I quit, but to my horror, the Maui VA doesn't have any other therapy or counseling for vets. They told me my other option was I'd have to go for an inpatient program in CA! Yeah right. It's no wonder vets off themselves daily and the number is past 22 per day now! OK, I've gone into my rant at this point..... The VA needs an overhaul!!! They make us vets run in circles trying to get anything done! And all we get are letters of rejection, "need more information". What a bunch of BS! Alright, rant over.
Got home later than I planned last night. I was hoping to be back by sundown (I have trouble driving in the dark). We were on the west side all the way out in Lahaina and my truck was park at the college all way back in town 30 mins away. My husband said he just wanted to take me swimming. But a lady from craigslist was selling a keyboard he was interested and she lived out there. He told me not to worry that she wasn't home yesterday so we were just there for the swimming. But then she started texting him and leading him to think she was coming home soon so he wanted to wait around. Yeah that turned into 2 hours! We should have drove in separate vehicles. It was over an hour drive (total) back and the sun already set. Plus, I was fatigued and my R leg was bugging me... the nerves in skin were being all sensitive (like sunburn) and my foot felt broken. When getting home, still had to feed the cats (separate diets -separate rooms and wait, ugh), scrounge for something to eat, and shower off what was left of the beach.
The good news is my mom was in a good mood. Thank God! When I got out of the water I was expecting to find 100 calls from her.
Horse therapy today.... but it's raining again.... I wonder if they will cancel again. I was awoken by thunder.
Oh no, Maynard.... all of that sounds crummy! Your decorations, your pain and swelling, and having to force yourself out of bed! (Reaching my arms around you for a hug). Swelling all over your body doesn't sound good at all. I hope you find someone who is willing to find out what's going on with you.
Back in a sec!
Blue, that's my take, too. You cannot look at a memory of abuse (or ongoing years of it) and suddenly say, "Well, just b/c this person reminds you of the abuser in fifty ways, but that's okay b/c it doesn't mean the'yre like the abuser!" Really? Smells like a skunk, walks like a skunk, wreaks havoc like a skunk, but it's not a skunk? Thanks, I'll presume it's a skunk until I see it's really a cat with a white strip down its back....
It ain't just vets, God help all of us with PTSD....
I usually type quite a bit at this point. Then delete it all. Because it's all speculation on my part...I don't know...and I keep hoping it's "not that bad". Back to square one, but more worried then before. Ugg.
Kel, amen! That's one of the reasons why my mom has been so upset on a daily basis. The poor woman has only been trying to switch over from a Medicare in OH to Medicare one in HI for the past 3 weeks for crying out loud... and every live person she manages to get on the phone tries to pass her off to someone else. So what kind of tests have they run on your brain and blood?
Twin, you make HUGE contributions to your children! You are their daily hero! Their mama-bear! Even when they throw temper tantrums and it doesn't seem like it, you know they love you. They're just too little and their emotions fly out without any filter. You're my hero, too, because you are way stronger than me for all the things you bear. I only have half of your problems and today I dragged my husband out of bed because I gave up! Yesterday I called the crisis hot line when my mom flipped out and then ran away to the beach till sun down! Yeah, I'm not feeling like much of a strong person right now. You're one of the most awesome people I know, Twin. Besides, if you give up, who will those girls have? Not grumpy grinch turd, that's for sure! Biggest squishiest hugs. Sending you a couple ships loaded with chocolate....
BBmom, sorry you're having a rough day..... I totally feel you in the grumpy department. I hope you sleep better tonight. Glad the patches help you. ((hugs))
Maynard, I'm so sorry about your step-dad.... that's really sad and you have my condolences. I had a friend, a Marine sniper, who died a few months ago from cancer and he got little to no help from the VA either. I agree with you! I too love the patriotism in this country (both of the vets and those who support them).... but hate how the gov -the stingy politicians- skimp on funding when it comes to required care. If they don't like paying for their medical bills, then don't send them to war.
Silver, my "I'm not a lap-cat but I'll sit next to you because I like your company" just plopped into my lap (grins)... thing is he's 15 lbs and his weight crushes my poor legs. Ow....
Warm fuzzies for everyone....
Twinmom, I'm so sorry how you feeling, I'm saying prayers for you, you are a warrior woman :)
Mnfibro, bb mom, maynard , patti 22 & everyone here I wish a hopeful bit of comfort for the day
Oh & Leo my Mom always says "Crying cleanses the soul, Baby"
Hug and a smile to everyone