Fibromyalgia Support Group
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my bf has been having suicidal thoughts lately. i'm so worried about him. his pain in his arm has gotten worse no matter what they've tried. they won't give him narcs in fear of him him getting addicted. we just had another argument and he left. the last time we argued (which was last week) he threatened to KILL HIMSELF. but he left this time so i'm not sure what to do.
just a quick background....
we've been together since July 06 (3 yrs). he's been on 2 combat deployments and got out of the Marines this past Jan. i too am a former Marine but got out in 05. it's been a roller coaster of a relationship and beginning last year i have been trying to get us relationship counseling. but last year he backed out at the last minute. finally he agreed to go this time, which our 1st appt will be on the 19th Oct.
we just got into another argument about the couples counseling again. i screamed at him because he said that it was "pathetic" that i thought we needed a counselor. he said (same as last year) that we should "trust each other to solve our own problems" and i told him that i can't live like this where we argue all the freakin time... and that if we don't get help, i'm giving up on him.
last week he told me that i'm his only reason to live and that if we fail he will blow brains out (exact words). but i dont understand, if i'm his only reason to live, then why is he fighting the couples counseling so hard?? he said he will go but he's pissed about it.
i don't know what to do! he left and i'm scared he may do something stupid. he talks to his therapist today and i'm thinking of calling her. please please please pray for him! thanks so much.....
just a quick background....
we've been together since July 06 (3 yrs). he's been on 2 combat deployments and got out of the Marines this past Jan. i too am a former Marine but got out in 05. it's been a roller coaster of a relationship and beginning last year i have been trying to get us relationship counseling. but last year he backed out at the last minute. finally he agreed to go this time, which our 1st appt will be on the 19th Oct.
we just got into another argument about the couples counseling again. i screamed at him because he said that it was "pathetic" that i thought we needed a counselor. he said (same as last year) that we should "trust each other to solve our own problems" and i told him that i can't live like this where we argue all the freakin time... and that if we don't get help, i'm giving up on him.
last week he told me that i'm his only reason to live and that if we fail he will blow brains out (exact words). but i dont understand, if i'm his only reason to live, then why is he fighting the couples counseling so hard?? he said he will go but he's pissed about it.
i don't know what to do! he left and i'm scared he may do something stupid. he talks to his therapist today and i'm thinking of calling her. please please please pray for him! thanks so much.....
With hope, you and he will make it to counselling and start to work on this.
*hugs and hope*
Hugs
HUGS from down south :)
Do you think he's been acting this way because he's depressed and suicidal? Do you think that his therapist can help him get some meds to help break the pain he's in?
I've heard the same thing from the docs...I'm too young for meds blah blah blah.....I have learned to respect their opinions. I have no other choice. I hope that things will turn around for him.
Hugs and prayers!
please let "US" know "ASAP TONITE" that you both are ok!
healing prayers &angels to watch & guide you both0x0
paula
That kind of threat is pure manipulation and is destructive to the trust he says you should have in each other.
I know that sounds harsh but I've been through this with an ex. The only way I finally shut it down was to say "OK - whatever - do what you need to do and stop threatening me with your crap." He went off for three days, lived in his car, didn't eat, and made himself very sick, then came back and checked himself into a psych hospital and his family took it from there.
If he means it, there is nothing you can do, or should do. If he doesn't, again, it's pure manipulation and you'd be better off to break things off until he 1) agrees to see the counselor without being pissed off about it, or 2) gets help for his own issues and shows some actual improvement.
From what you've shared over the past few months, it seems like he is escalating, which suggests he's either not participating in counseling except to go through the motions, or his therapy isn't the kind he needs and perhaps he needs meds or inpatient treatment until he gets his moods stabilized and his head on straight.
Good luck - been there - went back twice but finally left for good because I've learned to love the peace of a drama-free life.
thanks everyone for all your prayers. he did make it to his therapy appt but i couldn't get a hold of the therapist. they gave me the whole "privacy" talk and wouldn't share anything with me or even tell me if he showed up. finally i called our pain pscychologist and told him what was going on. he went thru the building to see if he came to his appt, he confirmed that he made it. BUT that was hrs ago and i haven't seen or heard from him yet. i've tried calling him a few times and he will not answer.
i'm so freakin depressed about this shit. i WISH my life was drama free. i wish Matthew would come to his senses.
i spoke to a friend of ours that is also in our chronic pain group (every monday), and he thinks maybe the meds he got switched to maybe f#ckin with Matthew's head. i have GOT to talk to his therapist. i think i will track her down at the VA tomorrow or somethin, i mean go there in person and talk to her.
thanks for all your support and please keep praying!
thanks for the advice, Peace. i'm taking note of all this and this is why i haven't walked down that isle with him yet. i can't live with threats like that or moods that result in shit like this. i love him to pieces and know how the military can screw up your mind. this is why i'm trying everything i can to get us help and for his moods and mental problems get helped.
God please.......
Be careful and smart dear. I'll be praying for both of you.
Will def.. have you in my thoughts and prayers sweet lady.. :)
I've been there myself long time ago ,,,my Ex Hubby was saying the same stuff and I worried myself almost to death,,,and tried whatever possible to make him think different and as more as I tried as more he had control over me,,,
He is grown MAN and whatever he plans on doing he will do anyways,,u can't stop him and it is not ur fault!!!
Sometimes its better to let go of a relationship like urs than hang in there!!
I know that's not what u want to hear but I am just telling u my Opinion!
If he don't try to work with U ,,then u should stop trying to make it work!!
its not ur responsibility alone to make this relationship "WORK"
we had it out again and ended up in a shouting match. he told me he really does hate life and the pain he is in. but i think having fibro makes it hard for me to understand how you can hate life just because of pain. we tolerate so much more and it's till we DIE!
when i see him act like this it makes me understand even more why WOMEN ARE DESIGNATED CHILD BIRTHERS and not men. they can't handle pain worth shit!
after all me and him argued about last night, i agree with what some of you are saying. that part of this IS manipulation. our 1st couples counseling is on the 19th. i'm gonna wait it out and see what she has to say about this from her expert psychological point of view. you know what i mean? i just want a 3rd neutral person to HEAR and SEE his crazy behavior and want to see what she tells me about him. i would LOVE to talk to his psychiatrist but after that "privacy" bullshit talk they gave me on the phone, i doubt i'll get anywhere. so i'll just wait and see what OUR counselor says.
thanks again for all your prayers. it means so much to me. i'll keep y'all posted if anything else bizarre comes up.