That's definitely my personality! I have read that elsewhere. I don't know if we burn ourselves out trying to make everything around us perfect and make sure everyone else is happy? I had always put everyone else's needs before my own before Fibro and now I am learning to say no and listen to my own body. People around us may not like it at first but it had to be done. I have also heard that people with type A personalities tend to get Fibro. I also fit into that category. It takes awareness, time and effort to change what comes so naturally to us.

PS - sounds like you found a decent counsellor. Before I was diagnosed I was seeing a therapist who kept telling me that we were meant to put others before ourselves. I was trying to tell him I was burning out from trying to be a caregiver to everyone around me. He just kept telling me encouraging me to do for others. He even told me that putting ourselves first was the new "liberal" way of thinking and it was not right. Needless to say my health declined to the point I didn't have the energy to even keep my appointments with him anymore. Good job!

As a dx'd PTSDer and perfectionist? I don't think of it as "people pleasers and perfectionists" versus "trauma survivors".... I think a lot of us who are people pleasers and perfectionists have had some sort of emotional or mental or physical abuse in our pasts....

And plenty of those with trauma in their past don't have FM, and plenty of people-pleasers and perfectionsists don't have FM, so it's at best a correlation, not a definitive cause-effect relationshiop IMHO. Trauma is highly stressful, but so's regular old life. And what one person can manage without feeling bad, antoher can't.... too many variables.

Your psychologist is entitled to her opinion---and heaven knows, plenty of us here fit the definition, me included!--- but plenty of people don't.... selfish a-holes get FM, too, y'know? People hwo don't give a darn get FM. It's a pretty non-discriminatory disease.

I do think stress sets us up for illness, no matter what, but that applies to head colds and cancers as much as FM. And my mom, the most Type A People PLeaser I can imagine? Was 70 before she even had a single FM symptom, and she survived an abusive dad and daughter, to say nothing of being a nurse for 45 years--- I was dx'd at 25!

So that's my two cents....

OH REALLY? Well, CBT Jenny doesn't do "labels" as her belief is anyone can be found to fit labels. Let me tell you & others then decide.

Have been told:
PTSD & OCD are related to trauma of my dad's traumatic death, sexual abuse, & neglect. However, was disabled & told FM before any of the above came back to memory.

Injured neck/spine at work which is WHEN all the medical issues began to surface. As time has gone on, more things dxd.

If someone wants to chalk this up to a personality of high performance, then my prior bosses would be bed fast! Stats show that CPA's have the highest incident of suicide due to stress. NO, my bosses never had it and still don't. Neither do the other ladies I worked with in this intense industry.

Sounds like sheer nonsense to me, but so does a lot of psychology..

Those statements are typical of a bias of psychologists.

Yes, there is probably valid research that more fibro patients have been victims of childhood sexual abuse than normals or that physical trauma and injury can lead to fibro.

But there is research out there of the genetic predisposition to get fibro.

My take-home on this is that once you do have fibro, you must throw perfectionism out the window and as far as being a people pleaser---those days are over. No, no and NO to most requests are the order of the day.

Just my 2 cents.....

I agree with Leo that many of us who are (or were) people pleasers and/or perfectionists have trauma in our pasts, which is probably at the root of our people-pleasing and/or perfectionism. The same can be said for those who are co-dependent. These are not mutually exclusive labels - they're interlinked and interdependent.

Again as Leo says, none of that demonstrates cause, or even a tendency to develop FM or any other physical condition.

There are some in the psych community who have a vested interest in getting fibromyalgia back into their realm - but the response last year to the rumor that some sort of change of that nature coming, and the quick back-peddling by the psych community, suggests that's not likely to happen. There are too many people, including medical professionals, patients, and patient advocates, ready and willing to push back.

I'm glad it was a one-time thing - hope you're not too discouraged by her misguided thoughts.

Hi tchilcote,

Great post, and very interesting read. Gave me lot of food for thoughts here. Thanks for posting and for all the reply's.

I am a perfectionist, but I am no longer a people pleaser. I believe it's more from a traumatic encounter and it doesn't take much. Even stress can cause it to come on. I don't believe that people pleasers and perfectionists are MORE likely than anyone else to get Fibro. I don't agree with that therapist on that. There are so many reasons we get it and even the doctors and professionals don't know for sure. The only thing for certain, is that it's a horrific illness to have. Hugs GB

If I doing something I want it to be close to perfect. I try to make people happy... I look for my husband to approve to what I am doing going to do... Does this classified me as what you said.

This is almost like saying fibro is psychological disease, ie all in your head! Well it isn't! Our mental health may affect any physical illness or visa versa. For years doctors said it was all in our heads and its not. I have fibro and now so does my daughter. I have had it for 21 years and am 64 and my daughter is only 33. I believe my father had it because he suffered from pain of an unknown origin. But, I am not going to say it is hereditary. When any of us ate chocolate, tomatoes, orange juice, and some other foods it causes the pain to go off the charts but I am not going to say it is a food allergy.
People sometimes want to help by making very unscientific cause and affect relationships but it doesn't truly help. All it does is perpetuate the same old myths.
I am so sorry that you have this disease and someday I hope and pray we all can find relief.

Thank you, everyone for your thoughts and input. I have been a people pleaser ever since I can remember. My dad, who I love and adore, was verbally abusive to us when we were young. He has changed a lot. I have three siblings and they do not have fibro. I was in a car accident when I was 18 and fractured a vertebrae in my neck. This is the only trauma I am aware of.
I am no longer the person I was because of fibro. I had to learn to say the word "No" and it still bothers me. I have always been there for everyone. I have learned saying "no" is better than having to leave people hanging at the last minute due to fibro flare-ups.

The Psychologist explained the thought is that people pleasers totally drain themselves and never refuel. We suppress stress therefore our bodies take the hit. People who deal well with stress know when to stop, rest and refuel are less likely to get fibro.
I don't know if it its true but it does make sense to me. This was the first time I have heard it could be a personality trait. I am just curious how many of us are people pleasers. I have no doubt that Fibro can happen for many reason and that not all people pleasers get fibro.
Again, thanks for the replies.

It sounds like people are upset because your counsellor was generalizing. In my case, I do believe I have that personality and I know exactly why. I was adopted at 6 months old. I feel that I probably have abandonment issues and tend to make sure everyone around me is happy, probably so they won't leave. I've always been afraid to lose anyone I have loved.

I am both a perfectionist and a people pleaser and I think I wear myself out trying to do both. I think that the stress I put on myself has played a huge role in my development of Fibromyalgia. But everyone is different and has had different experiences.

Happyface01, I am sorry you deal with abandonment issues that must be very difficult. My ex-husband was adopted at 6 months as well. It was really hard on all of us because he couldn't bond with us no matter how much he tried. I believe he was dealing with reactive attachment disorder. Sadly, our marriage didn't work.

I struggled with labels for years, therefore I couldn't accept that I suffered with fibromyalgia and fought it for years. Unfortunately, I had to come to the realization that have I have fibromyalgia, I have chemical sensitivities and food allergies and I have pain, I know that whole heartily, that I am a people pleaser. I believe those are labels and I am now ok with it.

This is troubling. I went to a conference on" Borderline Personality Disorder/ The Impossible Client" and wouldn't you know the presenter, who himself so important that he presented with a fever of 102@
said: Watch out for dlient's who have Fibromyalgia, they often have BPD. Because of the shame it incited in me I did not say anything to
him nor did I mention it on the class eval. I did contact a national fibro MD who stated that I should have asked for research to back that up--he said there was none. Unfortunately a whole room full or clinicians
wrote that down and probably categorize those with FM as having BPD,
It think psychotherapists, cannot stand this diagnosis and want to pathologize it further. i would tell the therapist, that you'd like to see the research, studies and reports that validate her conclusion.
Yes, this does NOT please me who tends to be a people pleaser also, but, c'mon, lots of us like to please people, it's not a disease.

Sorry for the typos--I am such a ppl pleaser that I had to correct this so that you all know that I have excellent grammar and spelling....lol.....
But seriously, I think that if a clinician has the gall to throw something like that out to you, she's better have the research to back it up.

I would never tell a client something like that. As others have said, there seems to be a trauma link (and that includes all types of trauma, even car accidents), but to connect it to personality types is rubbish.