Unfortunately, I have the same problem. My husband is understanding as well, but because of the severe pain for several days afterwards we aren't as intimate as we used to be. And, I don't know if it's the meds I'm on or the depression but I just don't have the drive I used to either :(

well??? I will have to agree.. (big sigh).. its the part of fibro beside all the pain.. that effects alot of us.. its so sad and yes a bit depressing.. even a hug hurts at times.. like a thief.. I hear ya bout suffering for "days" after.. I know my hubby has been so good bout it..and he also has lost interest.. maybe for fear of hurting me.. or knowing that I will suffer for days.. kinda a catch 22.. part of me is so disappointed.. i miss that part of our marriage.. the want is still there.. but the body says.. "ouch"... we still get along ok.. but think we both are missing the old days.. "DAMN FIBRO.. uhgg.. well that is my story.. :)

I was having problems like this but then hubby developed a heart arythmia and had to start heart meds. If you know anything about heart meds, you might know that the affect both libido and the ability to...umm...well let's just say they give you a roaring case of "erectile dysfunction."

Now that my pain is better controlled, I'd love to give it a try again, but the meds get in the way. He's lost 115 lbs after gastric bypass and he's hoping the cardio doc will reduce his dosage or even discontinue or change his meds when he goes for his annual checkup. It was the cardio who referred him for the surgery, so he obviously thought it might make a difference.

Thankfully we have a great relationship that is enhanced by sex, but isn't based on it. It helps that both of us have issues, so neither of us feels like we are the sole "cause" of the problem.

I hope you can find a way to get back that part of your life. If you were saying that you can live just fine without it, I'd say fine, but it sounds like you do miss it so I hope you can find a way around this.

I have noticed that because of the meds I have lost thew sensations, I feel numb. I have no sex drive. I can get beyond that. I love my husband, and he deserves a wife who is attentive, but I can not "feel" what is not there. We try, but I can not get to organism, I feel a numbness. I was told it was either the anti-seizure meds or the anti-depressants I am on to help control my headache pain. God Bless Patient spouses- there is a special place for them in heaven. Maybe it is with me in our mansion with a pair of fur-lined handcuffs. A girl can hope, right?? It is going to be perfection there!!!!!!!!!!!! God is Good all the time....

Michelle

I don't think it is X-rated at all. I totally know what you mean. A battery powered item has lately become a friend and even that is getting tiring if you know what I mean! The thing about it all is not just how exhausting it is on the old "muscles" so to speak--but also how tiring it is in general. I LOVE my husband and I LOVE our sex life and would consider myself to have a healthy sexual appetite, but somedays are just plan dull for me. Oh well! At least I have more than a headache excuse right? I try to spice it up when I can. I try to look at it this way though--when I do have the energy, I work that much harder to make it exciting.

Thanks for all the above comments.
PeaceN2You, so sorry to hear about your hubby, makes me feel like "what the hell am I bitch'in about"?!?..I have to tell myself (when I am feeling so down), there are others out there with worse problems. Sounds like you and he have a good relationship and are working together to get thru this. Hope things get better for you both. {hugs}

When I was first diagnosed YEARS ago, I was put on vicodin for the pain...so I know what some of you are saying about NO DRIVE, or BEING NUMB. I don't take vicodin any longer, and feel like my drive is back..but the pain afterwards is not worth it.
I guess there is more to a relationship or a marriage, than just making love. But that is one "perk" I miss.
Thanks again to everyone, was not sure if it was an appropriate question to ask on here..but it does help knowing I am not alone in this either. DS is a great place and has helped me get thru so much!
As not to hurt anyone..I will just give..
{gentle hugs to all}
Lori

Me too but I don't have the drive any more either. Bear is very understanding and has some health issues that cause him problems as well. So we have agreed that we were blessed with all the years we have had and hold hands and cuddle.

Gentle hugs...

well...we have Muscles there as well...and since our Muscles get tight and stiff, it only stands to reason that those muscles can very well be effected...I have not had that issue {as of yet anyway}, and pray it stays away for me...have you discussed this with your Dr. ??

Ladies with low sex drive get your hormones checked. It could make all the difference in the world. My late husband and I worked out a system where we did the deed. lol when I was not to tired and in less pain. Usually morning or afternoon. Hey being on top is a good idea too!

same here, and yeah, not x rated, SEX IS a part, a VITAL part of our health. I know a lot of people disagree, but I don't think that celibacy, (unless you just aren't with somebody, that I can understand), is really all that healthy for any adult that's physically able to have sex. so, i think it really sucks that fibro already debilitates our lives in so many ways, it's taking sex away from us sometimes too. right now, i'm not taking anything that lowers my sex drive, (I used to), and at times I know that I am on the edge, craving it, but knowing that the pain and fatigue have already gotten to me to the point where there is no point in even starting, that upsets me even more than the times when we do have sex and I'm in killer pain afterwards! And SHE has pain problems too? It's a miracle when things go smoothly for us in the sex department, believe that.

We have vulvadine pain if I spelled that correctly, its from fibro. I guess some dont have it and some do.

I also know being post menopausal and when I was menopausal that defers things also, Even perimenopause can cause problems with sex.

THere is an estrogen cream you can use, it is not suppose to cause cancer like other estrogens you take my mouth do. I asked my gyn I just saw the other day and told her I had the cream but was afraid to use it because of cancer, she said they proved the creams dont cause cancer just the ones you ingest can cause cancer.

So I cant tell you much since I am menopausal I just know there is vulvadine or vulvadyne pain from fibro, which I have also.

Wish I knew the answers.

I can so relate - not only do I hurt days later but just the idea of hurting is off-puttingfor me. My husband and I have always had a healhty sex life but this has zapped it for me. Luckily I have a great hubny and he understands but I feel like I'm robbing him of an important part of our marriage. BTW - I thank God for him everyday! :-)

The spelling on reply #11 is vulvoldynia and it is the most PAINFUL things I have ever had the pleasure of having. The symptoms I had were extreme burning after sex and the most intense pain in that area ever. It feels like it is way up inside but the deal is....it isn't. It right at the opening and there are 2 different creams that you can get. The creams do work for pain and mine has gotten ok to handle for now but I only have sex with the hubby very rarely because I am scared to death to get another bad case of it.

It is very hard to be dx'ed with it because a lot of doctors have no idea about it. I had to see 3 different doctors before finding one that new exactly what it is.

Any questions you all know where to find me...V

I've debated on adding to this post. This is a very private thing for me. But I'm stuck in the same boat too.

I feel like I'm less of a wife than what my sweet hubby deserves because I just am having troubles in this area. In the past 4 yrs it's gone done from all of the time to hardly at all.

I suffer the next day. I can barely walk and function....hubby hasn't put the pieces together yet....and I'm afraid of sharing this with him because I know how bad he would feel if I was to share that this hurts me so.

In the mean time, I have been dodging the bullet or taking one for the "team". I know things would be different if I had my pain in better control. Or I at least would like to believe so.

This is the part of Fibro that I think it just cruel. I am just so thankful that my hubby and I are strong in other areas and he's so understanding. I can handle fibro on most days.....but this is the part that takes me down emotionally.

Not to be graphic either but sex doesn't have to be a circus act! I, too, am sore days afterwards but you have to learn what you can and cannot handle and be honest with your partner about what's going on with your body. I personally think it's worth the extra pain:)