Ina nutshell: Oh crapola.

Truth? Go with that gut instinct. It's well and good to say "Believe him, trust him", but 1. he violatd trust by the emo-affair and 2. he hasn't kept his word since. I saw this exact behavior in my BFF's hubby---and two years later she's still dithering over finalizing their divorce and maybe he was telling the truth and meanwhile, he's got free housekeeping and sex (pardon my bluntness) from her while he's still involved with at least one or two other women, whom he always assures her are "just friends, nothing happens".... but every few months she finds out it "almost did" or "it will" or, sadly, "it did", (go physical) and she keeps insisting he'll keep his word *this* time.... About no more emo-affairs, no more other women, and "he said this time he'll go to counseling, for real".... Ummm....

So that's the alarm bell ringing in *my* head.

Protect yourself, Sonya, okay? I know it's hard, but unless he agrees to therapy for himself and for the pair of you as a couple, and sticks to that promise? He broke a pretty important trust. He needs to earn it back. If he doesn't want to, then that's on him. You protect you, and you make sure you will be okay. I hate to be harsh, but after a total of three years of this (a year before divorce proceedings, two with divorce papers hanging around).... My BFF is in a pretty bad state. She's hosed if they do divorce because she won't set up the separate bank account or kick him out for more than a month at a time, nad on and on and on and on....

I can't imagine the emotional devastation you (or my BFF) feel. But purring gentle healing hugs.... And I hope my reply is not offensive. I just know how this went with my BFF and her still-hubby.

Supportive vibes,
Leo

Sonya, like Leo said, listen to your gut - that little inner voice that is telling you things aren't right. Your husband thinks everything is all fine now because you seem to be taking it so well. But you're bottling it up inside, which is sure not good for you.

Damn the internet that lets people think they can just innocently text and flirt around, and "it's nothing and oh so innocent". It's still cheating, sorry to be so harsh. He broke your trust. I would say some couples counseling is definitely in order.

Hugs, and like you said, this board is the best. Take care.
Lynn

I agree with Leo - go with your gut.

Make an appointment with an attorney so you know what your options are now. They won't charge for a first meeting and it is better to have the information that agonize it. I'm not saying that you should file, just know what that entails for your own sanity.

He needs to go to therapy and you need to go as a couple. If he refuses, that's your answer and you need to act immediately to protect your interests and the kids. You gotta man up so to speak and be your own best ferocious advocate in this instance.

I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this uncertainty. My husband bailed after 21 years of marriage. I get it. I hope that my comments are helpful to you. Its a hard thing to deal with/face. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

Yep, the girls are all right. and alright. Your intuition is there for a reason. I'm in the middle of having to listen to my own right now and it's terribly hard.
I was married (I now find out) to a psychopath. They are very manipulative, and manage to keep you off your feel in one way or another. One way is by inferring that you are crazy, when you are having understandable feelings. Sounds like the psychopathic personality to me. Of course, there are a lot of other symptoms, but basically, they don't feel things like normal people do. That's how he can turn around overnight and treat you like nothing happened the night before.
As others have suggested, get to an attorney and find out what you rights and options are. You must protect yourself.
Sending you some of LeoX3's-style purring hugs, too.

Thank you guys! I know I'm just so annoyed, frustrated. Aggravated. I feel like my whole relationship had been tainted. Everything is so up in the air. One minute I'm OK. The next I'm not, at all. I can stand this.

Sonya,
I know exactly where you are coming from. My husbands emotional affair was five years ago. I still think more happened but he swears it didn't. He says it started out flirting and when the other woman wanted more he tried to stop it. I found out about it when I found a naked pic she sent him. I also think it was someone different than he said who it was. Before he left for his deployment, I had to do some hard thinking. I have decided to believe him, that nothing physical happened, and get over it. It was taking too much of my energy. I love him and need to stop dwelling on the past and look forward to the future. I just pray that I am right about this.

Good luck. I will be thinking about you.

Leo is right. Go with your gut!! Our guts speak volumes and are usually always right!!! This is a great group for support, whatever you are going through... Hugs