Sooo yesterday was a rough day. Late Saturday night, the doctor who's quitting sent an email saying she's not coming back this week. I think I said here that I suspected she might change her mind again, and that's what happened. In the email she also called out 3 of us, saying basically that we don't care about what's going on with her. There's a story behind that: on Tuesday, out of the blue, she came up front and told us about something personal that she's going through (essentially something that's triggering PTSD)...I don't know why she brought it up, maybe to explain why she's leaving so suddenly? But we kinda didn't know what to say, it was an awkward situation. Personally I feel bad she's dealing with stuff, and I usually try to be empathetic, but I can't deal with my own anxiety about the situation and life in general, and I can't help but feel like we're still getting royally screwed over. I have no energy to support someone else right now. Maybe that makes me a callous bitch...I feel like the email portrayed us that way. And this email went to everyone who works in the NH office-doctors, techs etc. The previous emails have only gone to the practice owner and managers. So she meant for me to see what she said (the other 2 people involved were the managers), andit doesn't mention us by name but everyone knows who was working on Tuesday,  and therefore who she's talking about. I'm feeling so guilty and depressed about this, and I have no idea if I should feel that way or not, but my head immediately goes to a fucked up place in these kind of situations. I do feel like publicly calling us out for our (lack of?) reaction was inappropriate and unnecessary, but of course I doubt myself there too. And I have no idea what exactly she expected or wanted us to say...that it explains everything and it's fine that she's leaving? It's still not. We're still having to figure out what the hell to do with her scheduled appointments, we're still having to turn people away and deal with their reactions (justified or not), and we're still worried that people are going to judge us for having 2 doctors quit in a year-even though neither was due to working conditions here. No matter how many times I go over this in my head, I still have no idea what to say. 

And on top of all that, I completely broke down last night because I'm going through another hard time without Noah. I didn't realize how much I relied on him I guess. Don't get me wrong..I absolutely love all my animals equally and have never had favorites, but he was always there in these situations, and he was just a calm presence. He just wanted to cuddle up with me and purr. I'm sure if I was in a different mindset I could explain it better..I guess I'll just stop rambling and end this with an old photo of him being a goofball. He was the goodest boi