Fibromyalgia Support Group
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Without going into a long rant I am curious how many of ya get flares up if you become lets say overwjelmed with stress? Im in the missle of my Hubbies family feud and the moment I stand up for myself my brother n law becomes extremely nasty I talking about that he blames me for the excessive drinking my hubby has he refuses to admit he plays a part into it. That everything that is wrong is ALL my fault. He called me nasty names just so you get a taste he said Im nothing but a fat lazy drug sddicted bitch and thats the nicest way I can put it. He claims he loves me and wants to help John and I wprk out then he tells me John is considering a divorce but no one knows this but him I xhexked with his closet friends. So weather he is just telling his brother what he wants to hear or its true. John gets stresssed at work and admit he gets more from me when he gets home then he has his brother this poor man cant advoid any stress I have noticed I have been feeding off his stress they say I am always sick I wonder why!!! yes he is drinking too much but if he starts on non al. drinks it will help it did years ago. Problem sloved nope I will be honest if he kicks me out I can NOT survive w/o him period I might as well end it now but I cant I have to know if his brother is telling the truth. Does anyone know if ya commited do they allow you to have music?I got to know its getting late
Katy
Katy
Definitely a big factor in flares.
We Too have been Family Fueding..Not the entire family..just one member..and the Stress Knocked me FLAT.
I had to Step back, take a Good Look at Myself and see how this BS was Affecting me..My Husband got Sick as well, He is Now Fully Understanding the Direct LINK between Stress and Illness so he too Stepped back. She keeps trying, but now we just Smile at each other and walk On..we do Not even Acknowledge Comments at All. This has been Working very well.
This Life is Yours to Control. Family and Friends are the Hardest to Walk away from, but when they Impact your Life Negatively...Do It.
When I flare, it is both physical and emotional...
I will just freakout completely and be unable to stop crying and feeling like my world is going to end, no one loves, me.... and on and on . But it is all just lies, nothing else, no truth, just lies.
I have some in-laws like your BIL, and everything they say to me seems to tear my heart apart. I have found the only way to deal with them is not to deal with them. If at all possible, walk away when they come into the room, find a way to stay away from events that they will be at. I don't try to fight 'cuz they are not worth my energy. I'm sure that like your BIL, my SIL & BIL mean to be helpful, it just doesn't help, in fact it makes everything worse.
Talk to your hubby.
Leave out the drinking and talk to him about the two of you and the life and love that you share. Tell him that you love him and why. Let him know that you need him. Talk about when you first met, when you were falling in love, talk about the good times.
Talk to him about the stress both of you are under and see if the two of you can come up with ways to relieve your stress together. Let your husband know that you want to work together with him to make your marriage work, not fighting against each other.
If his drinking is bothering you, then find an Al-Anon meeting you can go to, or a web-based support group. Take care of yourself, you are the only person you can change.
I really do understand where you are coming from. I have had to fight hard with myself to quit protecting myself from my own imagined threats. Not sure I am saying this correctly. I was pushing my husband away because I was sure he was going to push me away and I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I had to stop that. I became vulnerable, opened my heart and went honestly to husband. I told him I was scared to death that he would leave me and that I loved him. Things aren't always perfect, but we work together now - we talk about what bothers us and what makes us happy.
I know you can find a way thru these trying times, I pray for peace to make itself home in your heart & for you and your husband grow closer together and walk thru this life hand-in-hand
{{{HUGZ}}} SG
This changes you. I am trying to learn to control the things I can and not sweat the things I can't but haven't mastered it yet.
Big hugs to everyone, Kimmee
You have great advice here, so try to get some separation for you two, from his family. They can take a toll on a marriage. That happened to me. Now my ex-mother in law wants to be my best friend. I took a lot of abuse from her.
So what spacegilr said is so important. Make your husband know, that you guy's are a rock, don't let the idiot brother bother you. Then the next time, your husband and you can look across the room at each other and just smile, knowing it's all bullshit. And better yet, have your husband put in his place.
Take care of you, hun
I so feel for you with the family issues. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I've never had to deal with anything like that. Sending love and prayers your way as you deal with this.
Plz let me know what you think of this messed up email
Wow Katy!! Really!!? Well you can stop playing the victim and all the BS. You have INTENTIONALLY started trouble and tried to play both sides of the fence which is very manipulative, calculating and conniving. You said yourself you did this as an empty threat because there was one made against you a few weeks ago. So my initial reaction to your first email was correct - it was an attack masked with a plea. You did this on purpose and you just keep going. I'd like to know how you can have enough energy and motivation to pack your car and unpack your car in the time span of one weekend, yet you can't sweep a floor in how long? You keep putting partial blame on John for saying you don't clean right or he won't let you throw anything away - any cleaning attempt would be better than what I saw, and clutter is not the real issue, neither is your bipolar or fibromyalgia. You set Phil off on purpose and then say you're sorry and you don't want to lose your "big brother" with choked tears in your voice, only to turn around and say in an email you didn't mean your apology, you just "always take the blame" and you want it to be done. BULLSHIT!! I think you are enjoying every second of it!! Perfect timing too - stir it all up - throw all your victim cards in and leave town. Bullshit you don't have Internet access at Kim's either - she gets on. You've set up a meeting so quickly with Kim's old divorce lawyer - obvioulsy you have discussed all this with her which I'm sure helps you stir the pot against Phil and it also reeks of you having had this planned. You are just full of excuses. I feel sorry for John to be married to such an underhanded person such as yourself. How dare you say anything to their biological father - like he gives a rats ass in the first place!! Where has he been all these years? Does he call Phil? Does he ask how he is? Nice way to play the victim and stab at Phil again where you know it hurts him!! I think the real reason you emailed me was to see if you could stir up trouble between him and I, you've managed to stir it up between you and him, John and him, James and him, and I'm sure you got Kim going. Way to attack from all directions and get all the focus off the real problem which is with you. I don't think we can be friends...you are not someone I think I could trust. Not that I believe for one second that was a real intention from you in the first place to be friends. There is one inconsistent and contradictive thought and sentence after another in all your emails. Bullshit again on you haven't ever been "NASTY" to Phil. This whole thing is even NASTIER than ANYTHING he did or said to you. Even if he is harsh in how he says it or when he forces you to look within and answer hard questions - it is because it would benefit you from dealing with the issue and he does do it from a place of love. I see the total opposite going on here. Instead of playing this manipulative game and attacking him which comes from anger not love, why didn't you just do what you said about John - you said he had the freedom to pick up the phone if he wanted to - well so do you. If you didn't want to discuss the issues with Phil then you didn't have to answer the phone or pretend that you wanted him to hold you accountable on anything. My opinion is that you should have just said you didn't want to talk about it anymore and stopped there. From the get go you have been on attack while pretending to be the victim. I see right through you. Maybe you should consider either being honest with yourself and your therapist or changing therapists because you need some SERIOUS help and are obviously NOT getting it.
But that's not why I replied. I want to talk about your mention of drinking. I am not an alcoholic, but could have been if not for a serious accident/dui. It made me open my eyes a lot. I was drinking for pain, it would "get me through" the night so that I could handle everything when I got off work, then was hungover all day at work and went and did it again. I made every excuse for it, but looking back there was no real excuse. It made EVERYTHING worse. I know you are probably in a routine with it, that it seems to help, but I promise it's not, and/or it is just temporary help that will make it worse. I am NOT a preacher nor have I completely stopped drinking! I just learned to do it socially because it was really hurting me. I don't know you, I don't claim to. I'm just offering up some life experience and hope it may help you.
Many hugs!
Les
Love Katy