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i'm getting tired of explaining my self so i thought i should post this and get all your opinions on this matter. maybe some of you have some helpful advice for me.
here's the basics: I currently rent my 4th bedroom out to a friend whom i've known over 3 years. he's been in jail a few times for getting into trouble while drunk in public. he is going to AA for his past alcoholism and is managing to stay sober. he is also on SSDI for depression. starting about a week ago, he started taking a college course in a foreign language. i'm really happy for him, but...
here's the issue...
he has made several jump to the conclusions about me and i've had to explain to him what fibromyalgia does to my life. he's always asking me why can't you do this, or why can't you do that. which is fine. but now that he is taking this collge course he keeps trying to convince me to do the same. and he's using the reasoning that it's working for him and helps him keep his mind off drinking that it should work for me and help keep my mind of the fibro. wtf?! seriously??! like this shit is in my head or something! and then he tells my mom that he thinks i'm psychologically "nurturing" the fibro and that i should just get on with my life like he has. he is constantly trying to psycho-analyze me! he told me yesterday that because i told him that sometimes i'm just too tired to dress nice, that "that just sounds like depression to me!"
ok 1st of all, i don't have depression. ya, i get frustrated about a lot of things, but i'm NOT sad. i don't feel sad. this is what fibro does! you all know this, we all have days where it hurts just to get dressed. i've tried explaining this to him so many times before. and if he thinks that i'm not doing enough, i am trying to get my organization (support group) for FMS off the ground and it's SO MUCH work!!! how the HELL am i not trying to help me and others with this crap??! he told me last night i should just NOT focus on it and do other things like build shelves for a living (just because i put a small shelf together for my bf) or whatever. i told him that shit hurts and i shouldn't do things that hurt my body!!! he said to find Something! WTF?!
I'm getting pretty frustrated and TIRED of explaining my self to him! i even tried to tell him that my path of life is different from his. and that his situation is nothing the same as mine. but i guess that don't mean shit.
so what else should i do about this? should i sit him down and say "fuck off" but i do have to live with this guy. maybe i should tell him that if he doesn't stop i will kick him out? what do you all think?
here's the basics: I currently rent my 4th bedroom out to a friend whom i've known over 3 years. he's been in jail a few times for getting into trouble while drunk in public. he is going to AA for his past alcoholism and is managing to stay sober. he is also on SSDI for depression. starting about a week ago, he started taking a college course in a foreign language. i'm really happy for him, but...
here's the issue...
he has made several jump to the conclusions about me and i've had to explain to him what fibromyalgia does to my life. he's always asking me why can't you do this, or why can't you do that. which is fine. but now that he is taking this collge course he keeps trying to convince me to do the same. and he's using the reasoning that it's working for him and helps him keep his mind off drinking that it should work for me and help keep my mind of the fibro. wtf?! seriously??! like this shit is in my head or something! and then he tells my mom that he thinks i'm psychologically "nurturing" the fibro and that i should just get on with my life like he has. he is constantly trying to psycho-analyze me! he told me yesterday that because i told him that sometimes i'm just too tired to dress nice, that "that just sounds like depression to me!"
ok 1st of all, i don't have depression. ya, i get frustrated about a lot of things, but i'm NOT sad. i don't feel sad. this is what fibro does! you all know this, we all have days where it hurts just to get dressed. i've tried explaining this to him so many times before. and if he thinks that i'm not doing enough, i am trying to get my organization (support group) for FMS off the ground and it's SO MUCH work!!! how the HELL am i not trying to help me and others with this crap??! he told me last night i should just NOT focus on it and do other things like build shelves for a living (just because i put a small shelf together for my bf) or whatever. i told him that shit hurts and i shouldn't do things that hurt my body!!! he said to find Something! WTF?!
I'm getting pretty frustrated and TIRED of explaining my self to him! i even tried to tell him that my path of life is different from his. and that his situation is nothing the same as mine. but i guess that don't mean shit.
so what else should i do about this? should i sit him down and say "fuck off" but i do have to live with this guy. maybe i should tell him that if he doesn't stop i will kick him out? what do you all think?
i told him that all his comments to me were wrong and degrading. that they were disrespectful after all i have done. because i HAve been helping him and was there for him when he got kicked out of his sober program, and i picked him up with his things and gave him a place to live. he apologized for what he said and that he didn't mean for it to sound that way. he also told me he was making the suggestions because he thought i had so much down time, because he sees me playing a ps2 game every now and then. i told him when you see me playing a game it's because i'm in that much pain. i get migraine head aches daily, and playing the game helps keep my mind off it. i don't have to think or move, just press a few buttons. he said that he didn't know that. i also told him to google "fibro-fog" because he asked why i don't seem to understand some of the things he says or makes jokes about.
we talked for like an hr. i told him how i can't have him acting that way and that he can think whatever he wants to, but he can't be talkin that way to me or acting like i'm less a person.
but basically it came down to that he was just resentful over that weren't hangin out so much anymore. that hangin out with me was fun. i told him to let me know where he wants to hang out and we can go. besides i've asked him to come swimming to the beach with me or go to the movies with us and he always turned it down. he said he just being resentful. well i can't have that. so he apologized and said he's gonna work on it and he was wrong to be that way towards me.
...wow.
WHO is HE to minimize your condition??
I argree with the others...he is toxic and as soon as he is out of your life, the better.
My prayers are with you.
HUGS to you!
Just print out something from the internet (the Mayo Clinic site is great) that explains fibro. Tell him it is a disease of the central nervous system. Explain to him that you can't have stress in your life. His nagging, while well intentioned, is stressful to you.
I think it bothers you more because you would love to do something. but don't feel well enough to do it. Hope you can get him to understand. Don't think you have to lose a friendship over this.
Love ya, Sue
AZsue, thanks for your reply but i wasn't mad because i couldn't do things he suggested. it was the fact that he nagged me about them almost on a daily bases and then if he couldnt nag me, he nagged my mom about it. that's SO NOT RIGHT. but in the end he told me that he just wanted to nag out of resentment. at least he was honest to me about that. i like hearing the truth and honesty can bring me to forgive. after talkin it over our friendship is fine. thanks for the suggestions!
I'm glad you spoke your mind & got the truth out in the open. The truth can be dealt with. It's a lie that is a tricky bastard to work out.
Good luck in the future & be glad that you did the right thing for you.
Jane