Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
i'm getting tired of explaining my self so i thought i should post this and get all your opinions on this matter. maybe some of you have some helpful advice for me.
here's the basics: I currently rent my 4th bedroom out to a friend whom i've known over 3 years. he's been in jail a few times for getting into trouble while drunk in public. he is going to AA for his past alcoholism and is managing to stay sober. he is also on SSDI for depression. starting about a week ago, he started taking a college course in a foreign language. i'm really happy for him, but...
here's the issue...
he has made several jump to the conclusions about me and i've had to explain to him what fibromyalgia does to my life. he's always asking me why can't you do this, or why can't you do that. which is fine. but now that he is taking this collge course he keeps trying to convince me to do the same. and he's using the reasoning that it's working for him and helps him keep his mind off drinking that it should work for me and help keep my mind of the fibro. wtf?! seriously??! like this shit is in my head or something! and then he tells my mom that he thinks i'm psychologically "nurturing" the fibro and that i should just get on with my life like he has. he is constantly trying to psycho-analyze me! he told me yesterday that because i told him that sometimes i'm just too tired to dress nice, that "that just sounds like depression to me!"
ok 1st of all, i don't have depression. ya, i get frustrated about a lot of things, but i'm NOT sad. i don't feel sad. this is what fibro does! you all know this, we all have days where it hurts just to get dressed. i've tried explaining this to him so many times before. and if he thinks that i'm not doing enough, i am trying to get my organization (support group) for FMS off the ground and it's SO MUCH work!!! how the HELL am i not trying to help me and others with this crap??! he told me last night i should just NOT focus on it and do other things like build shelves for a living (just because i put a small shelf together for my bf) or whatever. i told him that shit hurts and i shouldn't do things that hurt my body!!! he said to find Something! WTF?!
I'm getting pretty frustrated and TIRED of explaining my self to him! i even tried to tell him that my path of life is different from his. and that his situation is nothing the same as mine. but i guess that don't mean shit.
so what else should i do about this? should i sit him down and say "fuck off" but i do have to live with this guy. maybe i should tell him that if he doesn't stop i will kick him out? what do you all think?
here's the basics: I currently rent my 4th bedroom out to a friend whom i've known over 3 years. he's been in jail a few times for getting into trouble while drunk in public. he is going to AA for his past alcoholism and is managing to stay sober. he is also on SSDI for depression. starting about a week ago, he started taking a college course in a foreign language. i'm really happy for him, but...
here's the issue...
he has made several jump to the conclusions about me and i've had to explain to him what fibromyalgia does to my life. he's always asking me why can't you do this, or why can't you do that. which is fine. but now that he is taking this collge course he keeps trying to convince me to do the same. and he's using the reasoning that it's working for him and helps him keep his mind off drinking that it should work for me and help keep my mind of the fibro. wtf?! seriously??! like this shit is in my head or something! and then he tells my mom that he thinks i'm psychologically "nurturing" the fibro and that i should just get on with my life like he has. he is constantly trying to psycho-analyze me! he told me yesterday that because i told him that sometimes i'm just too tired to dress nice, that "that just sounds like depression to me!"
ok 1st of all, i don't have depression. ya, i get frustrated about a lot of things, but i'm NOT sad. i don't feel sad. this is what fibro does! you all know this, we all have days where it hurts just to get dressed. i've tried explaining this to him so many times before. and if he thinks that i'm not doing enough, i am trying to get my organization (support group) for FMS off the ground and it's SO MUCH work!!! how the HELL am i not trying to help me and others with this crap??! he told me last night i should just NOT focus on it and do other things like build shelves for a living (just because i put a small shelf together for my bf) or whatever. i told him that shit hurts and i shouldn't do things that hurt my body!!! he said to find Something! WTF?!
I'm getting pretty frustrated and TIRED of explaining my self to him! i even tried to tell him that my path of life is different from his. and that his situation is nothing the same as mine. but i guess that don't mean shit.
so what else should i do about this? should i sit him down and say "fuck off" but i do have to live with this guy. maybe i should tell him that if he doesn't stop i will kick him out? what do you all think?
Maybe you can tell him off in the foreign language??? LOL
IF Someone is so Curious about my Business I will Explain to ya One time...after that I tell em to use the Putor Like I have to to get the answers...
you have the Patience of a Saint...I don't...
i don't know what to do about this issue either. i just wanted to make supportive noises and let you know that i deal with this same thing all too often. and if anyone else can advise, i am certainly interested in hearing what they have to say. i need all the help i can get on this one, too.
hang in there. you sound like a smart, assertive woman and i sense that you could more than hold you own in any kind of heated discussion. i hope this dude wises up, shuts up, and realizes what a dumbass he is being because you clearly are a much-needed friend to him and he should be grateful for that.
anyways... i guess so far you all make sense that i should tell him to keep his nose out and if he can't, then he should start looking else where.
you know... none of his comments really bothered me before. people will think what they want to. but when mom came home and asked me what i'm doing with my life because he told her all that shit about me, i hit the limit with patience. i ended up blowing a fuse at her and she apologized. cuz she knows that on my good days, i'm VERY busy.
but you all are right, i need to put my foot down and toxic people are no good. thanks for this. i really appreciate it. i will let him know.
Love you dear friend!
Hugs and prayers,
Teresa
Because he is a friend, and I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, I'd sit him down and lay down the law. This is your home, your life and what, how and the way you do it is none of his business. He doesn't understand FM, like you don't understand alcoholism (I presume). Unless you've lived something, you can never really understand.
Thanks for the interest, but if you don't keep your opinions to yourself, you will be looking for somewhere else to live very shortly.
I don't envy you, but yeah,you need to stand up for yourself!
He's experiencing joy because he's doing some very positive things that have immediately impacted his formerly, very sad, self-destructive life.
It's a natural human response to share our good fortune with those we care about, or perhaps to impress upon someone (say a landlord) how much we've improved.
Perhaps part of his recovery process is regaining his man-ness. For some, that means lording it over a female. Whatever, that's his deal.
You, on the other hand, are rejecting anything he says outright and considering his concern an insult.
I recognize this because I do this all the time. I don't know why, but some people just rub me the wrong way and I end up hating everything they say. I don't/can't trust their intentions.
I consider myself a very reasonable woman but I put up this wall and refuse to listen. I even snap at my closer human contacts - but never my dogs... hmmm.
So, you can work that out yourself once you figure out why you hate this guy's suggestions, but in the meantime, the next time you see him, throw on your biggest smile and gush.
Thank him, then tell him you enrolled in an online science course and that you're feeling so much better.
Give him a hug and then excuse yourself because you need to get your homework done. Thank him again and disengage.
You will not only get him off your case, you'll make him feel good about himself.
What a nice thing for you to do.
Then you can come back to DS University and learn about pharmaceuticals, genetics, biology or homeopathic remedies...
hope this helped a little..Take care hugs..Wy
I had to ask some people in my family that I just couldn't avoid to please look Fibromyalgia up and read up on it for me.. it was just too exhausting and I'm at a loss for words to explain it all,, something like that. If they really care they'll want to know more about it anyway,, if not then, well maybe they're asking for the wrong reasons.
Some people I found out WERE asking for the wrong reasons as in just wanting to bust my chops with what they thought of the illness.. those I just weeded out. I wish you well.
If I were in your situation I would (as calmly as possible, on a day I felt good) tell him that I appreciate his concern and that I know his intentions are good. HOWEVER, I don't try to tell him how to deal with his alcoholism or tell him how to stay sober, because, I've never been through it and it's 'None of my Business' (AlAnon term). AND that since he doesn't have Fibro he should allow you the same courtesy and respect. If he really wants to know about Fibro, print out information on it for him. Tell him this once, if you say it more than that, it's nagging. If he keeps it up, tell him that if it continues, he's out. If he persists, ask him to leave.
Asking for respect isn't mean or controlling. You deserve to be able to be comfortable in your own home, and in your life. If his intentions are good and he is your friend he will respect your wishes and back off. This can all be said kindly and without anger or accusations, but assertively, so he understands that you mean it. Just because he is in Recovery, doesn't mean you have to put up with his "stuff".