Maybe he needs to be given some literature on fibro first and then you can discuss it. He needs to understand that fibro involves more than pain. Good luck

hmm good idea

I am sooo glad I'm not in your position. I just don't have the patience or energy anymore to try to make someone really understand me and my fibro issues.

I guess I would find a time when everything is calm and try explaining all the issues to him and then remind him of it when he pushes or when I wasn't "functioning". Stick to your guns, as nicely as you can, when he pushes you. If he refuses to accept what you want to do or how you feel, is he really someone that you want to spend a lot of time with?

As for telling everyone that he understands your pain, for the time being I would just ignore it and see how he responds to your attempts to get him to understand the other stuff. If he really "gets it" he'll quit telling people that. If he doesn't it probably won't be an issue for you anymore!

I wish you luck. Hopefully he'll grasp what you're trying to tell him!

you have to tell him about the brain fog. my husband carries on and on and i have to stop him and tell him i've lost him. he used to get mad but now we have a code word so he can stop and reexplain. people that care about you don't mind.

Ellianna, lmao!! I've tried dropping a hint one time, and he stopped and got mad. well, i'm not sure if he was mad or just confused.
but your code word thing cracked me up. oh my gosh....

it's funny cuz i actually don't have the patience right now to let him stop and RE-explain LOL oh no... that would be another HOUR long!!
i wish i could tell him to please keep it short and simple, but i feel like he would get offended since he LOVES telling stories all day!

however..... you are right. i have to find a way to tell him. but HOW?

CSD, I agree with you that if he even had an ounce of understanding for my pain he wouldn't be saying that to people.

i have another code word for him to shut up.

I tend to be blunt and not sugarcoat my words; and I like others to be that way with me. Sooo, maybe I'm not the best to respond, but I say you just have to spell it out for him. If he gets angry, then good riddence! You need to surround yourself with people that are supportive, not someone that makes you feel as though you can't be yourself. I agree that literature is a good idea, if he'll read it. But the bottom line is that if he really wants to spend time with you, then he needs to accept all of you, not just the parts he prefers. Hugs :)

I just have No Patience with Anyone who Talks alot...or Over Explains...My Tummy will Actually start to get Upset !!

If after awhile, I Notice my Tummy getting upset around certain Peoples...I just start Avoiding them...Rude I would Imagine...but Effective.

I Like Simple, 1 on 1 Conversations where there is Interaction...Not Just 1 person going ON & ON.

I agree with Dakota, and pretty much everybody else. More than that, it sounds to me like he is way too into himself, and not all that interested in anyone else except as a sounding board to hear himself talk.

Does he listen when YOU talk, or just wait for an opening to turn the conversation back to him?

I would speak frankly with him and explain that you can't follow long-drawn-out conversations because of the brain fog, but if he gets mad I'd drop him like a hot rock, because you're being completely reasonable and there is no reason that a reasonable person would object to what you're asking.

Good luck - keep us posted - I hope it works out however you want it to.

That's tricky. You really will have to make it a particular talk, and spell it all out. Probably more than once. Use the most emphatic examples, and lay it on thick. But he still won't understand. He just might have a litle more compassion and knowledge than he does now. Good luck!!

He is not the only one with the pain issues. He has to be understanding of your pain and what you go through, if he cant or wont , or is more concerned with his than yours then maybe he is not the one for you, just reading between the lines. Print out plenty of literature and make him read it, you have heard plenty about his, now it's your turn.

Good luck and God Bless

hummingbird, I'm not gonna date this guy. although, it seems he has some how come around to "liking" me and keeps trying to impress me (but not working). i'm more than happy staying solo at the moment, thank you very much. and he knows this because i've told him so. I enjoy our friendship, but it's not gonna cross that line.

Peace, I do feel sometimes like he DOES only want to talk about himself..... for hours. i'll tell a short story maybe but his are never ending. I'm not sure if he's just attention starved or what's goin on. he's been depressed for so long, then recently all of a sudden it's like he just came out of his dark shadowy place and just wants to talk and talk forever. not sure what to make of it.

so you all think i should just tell him straight up "Hey I have this thing called brain fog (yada-yada) so you need to keep your stories short, man."

Everybody needs someone to talk to. Perhaps he finds you a good listener.

My roommate likes to talk on and on and I OFTEN don't have the patience for it so I just tell him to, "Wrap it up - you're loosing me." Though, lately, I've been telling him I don't understand a word he's saying. I've been sick and my mind jumbles words.

He knows quite a bit about my F and it pretty much just rolls off him like water on a duck. He's a very good friend, but it took awhile to break him in.

I think its going to be hard either way.Anything people cant see is hard for them to understand.
I was a newlywed(2 weeks) when I had brain surgery and fibro came right after that.
I have found that for me it doesnt help to forwarn people who are close in my life.I kinda wait until the situation or crisis comes up to deal with it then.
My poor husband doesnt understand any of the stuff but he does stand by my side and tries to hear me when its stuff that is happening at the time we discuss it.
We kept telling my family how much pain i was in and how I would almost become disabled at times.Until they seen it for themselves they didnt really get it....
Hugs to you I know it seems scary.I was so scared my husband would leave me after all the stuff that happened and still happens.
If morning arent good for you maybe you can say I am at my best in the afternoon so lets hang then.And maybe something like I wouldnt want to wake u in the middle of the night and take you out, I wnt to see you at a time that suits both of us.
From my experience if you can change a negatie thing into a positive guys will go along with whatever u want.
I dont know sorry for rambling.Is your brain fog memory problems or like confusion and attention?
I had to deal with all this same stuff you are dealing with.
I had only known my husband for a few months when we got married.I was so emberassed having my head shaved and all the medical stuff but he stood by my side......
good luck

bluesun Quote "Hey I have this thing called brain fog (yada-yada) so you need to keep your stories short, man"

Yeah something like that. I would just tell him and hopefully he won't get hurt by being told to cut his stories shorter, I don't know how sensitive a person he is.....but hopefully he will understand that it isn't about him but about you and the fibro.

Whether we have fibro fog or not, If someone is rambling on and on about themselves it would be a bit annoying and boring anyway.

my husband is not a big talker, but once in a while he will go on a long story telling venture...and I am eager to listen and be present because I want to be there for him, but somehow my brain just can't do it and I have to say sorry hunny I zoned out for a while and missed over half of what you said. So he will try and summerize it. he doesn't mind, he's good about it.

Unduki, that is funny. I think if the person is a really good friend, or in my case a spouse, you probably could say hey wrap it up or dude you lost me and they would be totally cool with it.