I'm a recent empty nester and I can't tell you how weird it is to go to the place I keep my scissors and actually find them there.

Your brother is acting like a child and it doesn't look like he's going to give it up - He needs to find a woman for to marry and move away with. A rich one, preferably - then you can borrow money from him.

I totally hear you on the housework. I've always hated that I somehow ended up in charge of it because I didn't have a penis. I don't mind cleaning up after myself at all, but others who expect you to pick up after them can be extremely inconsiderate, eh?

The only solution is to live alone - or grow a penis.

unduki, i pity the woman that ever marries my bro. divorce is inevitable within 30 days of marriage! he's a very selfish man, sloppy, mean, angry, and lately expects everyone to let him do as he pleases (and we are supposed to "better tolerate him" as he says). when my mom's leg was broken and she was bed ridden for 3 moths, he lectured her to death every night. this is what his future wife will have to live with. God forbid if she ever ends up injured. my bro doesn't need a wife, he needs to get beat up.
but that's not really the topic today. lol

I just walk around and throw everything in a trash bag and put it in my room...if they want it back ...(be it the hubby or the kids) they have to pay me 1$ for each item !!! It works.As far as dusting and things of that nature...ugh...no help in sight...i do what i can when I can.

Yes! Do they have female Sumo wrestlers?

That's a tall order - A woman to kick his ass AND think he's special. Whee!

LMBO @unduki!!!!!!!

what i do (im at stay at home mom of too and fiance works) is i do one or two chores every day instead of them all at once. i tried what you do a few times and i would end up paying for it for weeks. sometimes my house looks horrible and sometimes it looks wonderfull. i couldn't figure out what was changing. then i figured out what i was doing. on the days i felt bad i didn't do any lol (i'm talking really really bad) so i usually have one or two a week. so if its been a good week i've felt good all week and took no days off. if its a bad week it took two days off. and it shows in my house.
i just try not to stress the things i can't do and celebrate the things i can. and if your haveing a really really really good day. maybe 3 chores but that would be pushing it for me cause i cook dinner too

unduki, i took anger management 3 yrs ago so i would stop beating people up (that includes family members).
maybe i should go back to my old habits?

well, since I am not employed currently, I am doing a lot of the house work around here. I do some, then take a nap, then a little coffee, then do another chore. Breaking it up helps, but when I don;t feel good, it can just sit until I do. I am lucky to have a wife that understands.

I use to clean on Saturday and crash on Sunday. It was't very smart. Now I have someone come in for me every other week to scrub and polish that way all I need to do is pick up around the house before the come. I just pretend I don't see the ring in the tub until they come to clean.

The best thing is I no longer have that bedridden crash. It's worth $210 a month.

I agree with deank. I try to break it up. I sit for awhile and pray. Get up for 10 or 15 minutes and load dishwasher. Sit and pray some more. Get up and feed cats. Sit and play some games on computer. Get up and empty dishes. This is an example. Today I did almost nothing at all, and the messy house really gets to me, too. My hubby works in his back office. Sometimes I'll tell him I need an hour of his time working with me to put things away and try to tidy up before it all self-destructs. LOL A lot of the stuff that lays around isn't hurting anything, and if we're hurting, we're more important than the stuff is.

Unduki, I try and try and just cannot grow a penis. Guess I'm stuck.
: )

Let me get this right .................. your Mom LIVES with YOU and your brother lives with you both and he won't help without oyu hasling him and he is being mean and he works full time ................. then show him the door, or else up his rent by the anout it will cost you to get someone to come in a couple of times a week .............. Hun you have more than enough on your plate with your illness and looking after mum without your brother being a selfish idiot

(((HUGS)))

@aga, my bro pays his portion. he' just thinks in his twisted head that that's ALL he's gotta do. however, when he came here he agreed that the purpose of his living here was to help look after mom. he also agreed that he would clean up after himself too. apparently, i guess all is somehow void now. he said that if i want to kick him out to go right ahead, that he doesn't give a shit, he'll leave (and he'll sign whatever papers in agreement). BUT i can't afford it on my own right now.

the twisted part of the story is, mom has been cleaning whenever HE doesn't want to because she is now afraid of him. i keep telling her she shouldn't be doing that. not in her condition.

I feel like i'm screwed right now. i'm always sick, my mom isn't in the best condition either, and i live with a brother that only makes things worse!

@ about the house maid, i can't afford one.

@Dean, can you come over to my house and do my chores?? lol
but in all seriousness.... i've tried breaking it up like that, and it still didn't work. i would just do ONE thing, and be down for the day.

@Judy, would love to do things that way but it seems like i'm not wired that way. -see above.

@ rayfoof, maybe i just gotta try what you do and break it up through the week since only one chore takes me down for the day. gosh i wish, i had a magic wand!! i hate this crap.....

thanks for all the tips!!! if you have anymore, please keep em coming!!

I don't worry about the house too much. That was hard for me before. But since my injury two years ago, I haven't had a choice but to accept that the house will be messy. Fortunately, there is a difference between messy and dirty. I wish we could afford a house cleaner, but until then or my recovery, my hubby and kids pitch in. I try to help where I can, like I may unload the DW or wash a small load of clothes. But, I've learned it's not worth it to try and push myself.

So here are my suggestions for you:

1) I would suggest that you do one thing a day; keep the DW unloaded (if you have one) and enforce that each person load their own dirty dishes when they finish with them; force your brother to pick up his own mess. When my kids used to leave their shoes or clothes lying around, I would throw the stuff off the back of the deck or down the basement steps. That was after a warning. If you can't do that with him, maybe you could throw the stuff in his bedroom?

I commend you for taking care of your mom. I'm sure it's not always easy, especially with your own health issues, but may God bless you for doing this :)

2) I would not tolerate your brother's rudeness. He is old enough to know better. Assuming that you are not afraid of him, I would come up with a list of house rules and chores and tell him that he is expected to follow them or move out.

3) Don't worry about what you can't do. Between the fibro and taking care of your mother, you have a lot to deal with. Housework will always be there :)